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Poetry kandy style !

kandy

Silver Member
#1
ok after a trial run on Isobel i unveil my strange sense of humour via poems !

All the poems i write are based on real life events not always my own ( i hasten to add) ! ;) lol
Well here go's!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Carefully does it !!!!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


He leaned me back across the bed whispering words of affection
Then it's face it filled with dread when i mentioned contraception
The sexy smile had left his face as i passed the condom packet
A deadly frown framed in its place, then he pulled on his jacket

"now theres no way that i'm wearing that, the thoughts just not appealing"
"It takes away the romance and it takes away the feeling"
"I wont enjoy the moment being hindered by protection you should've told me sooner what a waste of an errection !"

Now i really hadn't bargained on him being such an arse i wished that he would go, the whole night had been a farce!

The sun had started rising, i was feeling rather stressed
There had been no compromising and we were both now fully dressed!
By now i had discovered he wasn't so hard to resist, in fact it was quite easy now i wasn't pizzed !

Now he Scored again the following night, he said that she was nice
Generous it seems she gave him pubic lice :eek: !
 
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S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#3
LMAO ..... the X-rated Pam Ayres!!

D x
 

kandy

Silver Member
#5
Thanks Issy and Debbie ,
I blushed writing it !!!!!!
lol !

I have never shown them to anybody before unless they are specifically about them ! ( although that doesn't always go down to well ! )

XXX
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#8
Brad!! You lie like a cheap NAAFI watch!

You'd show them to all and sundry - even if they didn't want to see! ;)

Debbie x
 

Brad0053

Silver Member
#9
Russiandoll said:
Brad!! You lie like a cheap NAAFI watch!

You'd show them to all and sundry - even if they didn't want to see! ;)

Debbie x
Hold on, have you just done a PNC check on me. I thought them convictions were spent. :eek:
 

kandy

Silver Member
#10
I can't believe i am writing this one but oh well !!! :eek:

HAP-PENIS

In a man's trousers your'e sure to find
an object of an unusual kind
There are a few things you ought to know
about what a man has down below

Now it may need encouraging words of affection in order for him to maintain his errection
some little white lies an occasional whopper
about the allure of your old fellas chopper
in some cases little and disappointing
but please refrain from laughing and pointing
and dont give up hope if the love truncheons small
just fingers crossed that it works at all !

You may touch it, caress it,give it a wiggle
but supress any urge you may have to giggle
don't be too rough there not meant to bend
tell him you love it ( you may have to pretend)

But unless he has warts or crawling with lice
trt to be gentle try to be nice
let only one thing spoil your fun and your frolics
and thats if your partner has big sweaty bo***cks ! :eek:

i apologise if anyone is offended ( by my appalling grammar )
 
Last edited:

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 15st8.5lb G: 11st2lb Loss: 2st7.5lb(13.98%)
#11
Kandy, they are very good, they made me laugh...:) :) :)
 

kandy

Silver Member
#12
Thank you Mini,
They are very old now but i am glad that you liked them!

By the way i dont just write rude poems i am not that kinda girl! (whatever Brad says ) lol x
 

Diva

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#17
kandy said:
ok after a trial run on Isobel i unveil my strange sense of humour via poems !

All the poems i write are based on real life events not always my own ( i hasten to add) ! ;) lol
Well here go's!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Carefully does it !!!!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


He leaned me back across the bed whispering words of affection
Then it's face it filled with dread when i mentioned contraception
The sexy smile had left his face as i passed the condom packet
A deadly frown framed in its place, then he pulled on his jacket

"now theres no way that i'm wearing that, the thoughts just not appealing"
"It takes away the romance and it takes away the feeling"
"I wont enjoy the moment being hindered by protection you should've told me sooner what a waste of an errection !"

Now i really hadn't bargained on him being such an arse i wished that he would go, the whole night had been a farce!

The sun had started rising, i was feeling rather stressed
There had been no compromising and we were both now fully dressed!
By now i had discovered he wasn't so hard to resist, in fact it was quite easy now i wasn't pizzed !

Now he Scored again the following night, he said that she was nice
Generous it seems she gave him pubic lice :eek: !
Love it, love it, love it.....absolutely LMAO!! :D :D
 

kandy

Silver Member
#18
Thank you most kindly !

At this point i feel i should point out that this is based on an unfortunate evening a 'friend' *cough cough ahem* of mine had many many years ago !!!!!!!!


Pssssttt .........and the ending is all true lol !!!!!!
 
#20
Absolutely brilliant hahahaha
 


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