Poetry kandy style !

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by kandy, 2 August 2006.

  1. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    ok after a trial run on Isobel i unveil my strange sense of humour via poems !

    All the poems i write are based on real life events not always my own ( i hasten to add) ! ;) lol
    Well here go's!

    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Carefully does it !!!!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

    He leaned me back across the bed whispering words of affection
    Then it's face it filled with dread when i mentioned contraception
    The sexy smile had left his face as i passed the condom packet
    A deadly frown framed in its place, then he pulled on his jacket

    "now theres no way that i'm wearing that, the thoughts just not appealing"
    "It takes away the romance and it takes away the feeling"
    "I wont enjoy the moment being hindered by protection you should've told me sooner what a waste of an errection !"

    Now i really hadn't bargained on him being such an arse i wished that he would go, the whole night had been a farce!

    The sun had started rising, i was feeling rather stressed
    There had been no compromising and we were both now fully dressed!
    By now i had discovered he wasn't so hard to resist, in fact it was quite easy now i wasn't pizzed !

    Now he Scored again the following night, he said that she was nice
    Generous it seems she gave him pubic lice :eek: !
  2. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Well-Known Member

  3. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

    LMAO ..... the X-rated Pam Ayres!!

    D x
  4. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Well-Known Member

    LOL Debbie - exactly!!!
  5. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    Thanks Issy and Debbie ,
    I blushed writing it !!!!!!
    lol !

    I have never shown them to anybody before unless they are specifically about them ! ( although that doesn't always go down to well ! )

  6. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Well-Known Member

    WE WANT MORE!!!!!
  7. Brad0053

    Brad0053 Well-Known Member

    Hold on Kandy, that's what I say as well ;)
  8. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

    Brad!! You lie like a cheap NAAFI watch!

    You'd show them to all and sundry - even if they didn't want to see! ;)

    Debbie x
  9. Brad0053

    Brad0053 Well-Known Member

    Hold on, have you just done a PNC check on me. I thought them convictions were spent. :eek:
  10. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    I can't believe i am writing this one but oh well !!! :eek:


    In a man's trousers your'e sure to find
    an object of an unusual kind
    There are a few things you ought to know
    about what a man has down below

    Now it may need encouraging words of affection in order for him to maintain his errection
    some little white lies an occasional whopper
    about the allure of your old fellas chopper
    in some cases little and disappointing
    but please refrain from laughing and pointing
    and dont give up hope if the love truncheons small
    just fingers crossed that it works at all !

    You may touch it, caress it,give it a wiggle
    but supress any urge you may have to giggle
    don't be too rough there not meant to bend
    tell him you love it ( you may have to pretend)

    But unless he has warts or crawling with lice
    trt to be gentle try to be nice
    let only one thing spoil your fun and your frolics
    and thats if your partner has big sweaty bo***cks ! :eek:

    i apologise if anyone is offended ( by my appalling grammar )
    Last edited: 3 August 2006
    Mini likes this.
  11. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Kandy, they are very good, they made me laugh...:) :) :)
  12. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    Thank you Mini,
    They are very old now but i am glad that you liked them!

    By the way i dont just write rude poems i am not that kinda girl! (whatever Brad says ) lol x
  13. kamiknix

    kamiknix Well-Known Member

  14. CW Consultant

    CW Consultant Well-Known Member

    Really funny:rolleyes:
  15. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    LMAO - like them!! :cool:
  16. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    Glad they made you chuckle !!!! X
  17. Diva

    Diva Cambridge Diet Counsellor

    Love it, love it, love it.....absolutely LMAO!! :D :D
  18. kandy

    kandy Well-Known Member

    Thank you most kindly !

    At this point i feel i should point out that this is based on an unfortunate evening a 'friend' *cough cough ahem* of mine had many many years ago !!!!!!!!

    Pssssttt .........and the ending is all true lol !!!!!!
  19. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, whatever!!! LMTO!!!!
  20. Brightness

    Brightness Happily on CD

    Absolutely brilliant hahahaha

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