Quality time with partners

[*Emsie*]

How do you get yours?
I have been thinking (which is always dangerous) and between, work, the kids, trying to exercise, eating healthily, keep the house clean/tidy, wash clothes cooking etc, kids footie training and matches, friends, tv, internet etc etc I really don't think hubby and I have enough time together where we can relax and enjoy each others company and sometimes despite their being 5 of us in the house I can feel a bit lonely and run down etc
I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to make sure you get that all important time together as don't want to end up drifting apart

 

[jaylou]

I'm with you on this one!

Best tip - get the kids to be early. Not sure how old yours are, but I've always been a believer in getting them to bed at a decent time so you can at least have an hour or so to yourselves, even if it's in front of the TV.

My daughter goes to her room at 9. She doesn't always go to sleep at that time, she usually reads, but it is our time when we can talk about whatever we want without ears flapping!

Also, we have our meals together, every night and all meals on a weekend.

We go for a walk too, just take an hour out on a Saturday and Sunday and go for a lovely walk.

To me, it's not about "doing things" as such, it's about taking time to be together.

 

[Shirleen]

How do you get yours?
I have been thinking (which is always dangerous) and between, work, the kids, trying to exercise, eating healthily, keep the house clean/tidy, wash clothes cooking etc, kids footie training and matches, friends, tv, internet etc etc I really don't think hubby and I have enough time together where we can relax and enjoy each others company and sometimes despite their being 5 of us in the house I can feel a bit lonely and run down etc
I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to make sure you get that all important time together as don't want to end up drifting apart

Why not try some date nights, won't work for me as he's not one to go out!
But if yours will, try lunch out, or get him to help you with Body Magic and have a weekly walk in a local park, perhaps get yourselves a camera and take some wildlife shots, (all the better if you have one each and try to outdo the other).
Or quiz night at your local?
A yearly pass at our local wildlife park is about £55 so maybe you could give each other that for birthday and escape there once a week?

Don't begrudge the time or money invested in this as it's an investment in your life x

 

[*Emsie*]

I'm with you on this one!

Best tip - get the kids to be early. Not sure how old yours are, but I've always been a believer in getting them to bed at a decent time so you can at least have an hour or so to yourselves, even if it's in front of the TV.

My daughter goes to her room at 9. She doesn't always go to sleep at that time, she usually reads, but it is our time when we can talk about whatever we want without ears flapping!

Also, we have our meals together, every night and all meals on a weekend.

We go for a walk too, just take an hour out on a Saturday and Sunday and go for a lovely walk.

To me, it's not about "doing things" as such, it's about taking time to be together.

I think part of the problem is that the kids have got older and their bedtimes later. Kids are 10,12 and 19! The younger ones take a while to settle and of course the 19 year old is in and out at all different times!
Think we need to look at re-arranging our routines so the younger ones go to their room as you say even if not to sleep.
We don't like a lot of the same things on tv so it can end up with us in seperate rooms watching different tvs or on comps
Going for walks is something we enjoy doing together with or without the kids but we have been so tired with other things haven't got round to it often enough lately!
I agree about the time together not that it has to be some fantastic event. Thanks

 

[jaylou]

My daughter will be 14 this year, she still gets sent to her room at 9pm - even if she's watching the same thing as us! I like her to be settling down by 9pm on a school night anyway.
We also like different things on TV but we've never done the "separate rooms" thing... we find something mutually agreeable, even if it's a music channel and put that on instead, I then watch my programmes when he's out and visa versa. We also always go to bed at the same time, always have done.

Not saying this is right for everyone though, just in my first marriage we did watch different tv's in different rooms and went to bed at different times and it wasn't good for us. Sometimes I don't want to go to bed at the same time as hubby but I do, I just read a book.

 

[*Emsie*]

My daughter will be 14 this year, she still gets sent to her room at 9pm - even if she's watching the same thing as us! I like her to be settling down by 9pm on a school night anyway.
We also like different things on TV but we've never done the "separate rooms" thing... we find something mutually agreeable, even if it's a music channel and put that on instead, I then watch my programmes when he's out and visa versa. We also always go to bed at the same time, always have done.

Not saying this is right for everyone though, just in my first marriage we did watch different tv's in different rooms and went to bed at different times and it wasn't good for us. Sometimes I don't want to go to bed at the same time as hubby but I do, I just read a book.

Does she have tv or anything in her room or read when she goes up?
I don't mind us doing seperate things sometimes but if its all the time then its a bit ridiculous.
Think we need to make a few tweaks to things to make it work better for all of us!
I think I also need to stop putting asmuch pressure on myself for the household stuff and do some delegating! Also feel like sometimes to stick to the sw I spend a lot of time cooking and preparing food and that it makes a lot of washing up etc I want to try and find a couple of easier low prep meals/lunches for a cuple of times a week to help ease the work load!

 

[*Emsie*]

Why not try some date nights, won't work for me as he's not one to go out!
But if yours will, try lunch out, or get him to help you with Body Magic and have a weekly walk in a local park, perhaps get yourselves a camera and take some wildlife shots, (all the better if you have one each and try to outdo the other).
Or quiz night at your local?
A yearly pass at our local wildlife park is about £55 so maybe you could give each other that for birthday and escape there once a week?

Don't begrudge the time or money invested in this as it's an investment in your life x

Some good idea's, we have tried to do the date night thing but have let it slip too often :sigh:
I like what you say about not begrudging the money though, I was thinking the same this a.m about trying to find the money to eat out as a family every now and again although it can work out expensive it saves time and energy on cooking/cleaning and can be done on plan if I find the right places
We do have a few nice places that are free to go for walks nearby but with boys footie matches/training taking a lot of the weekend up we haven't been doing it. If we try harder though we could find the time .....especialy if we went for a nice meal on the way back

 

[jaylou]

Yep, she has her own TV which she does watch on a weekend as she can stay up later, but I do like her in bed by 9pm if she doesn't protest too much! She also reads a lot.

She moans sometimes, but rules are rules and time together is important.

Like you, I find it hard to not do the ironing, cleaning, cooking etc but sometimes it's got to become less of a priority than spending time together. As I said, it's second time around for me and I am not going to make the same mistakes I made first time round, so I work hard at making time for us (even if I still want to get up from the sofa and do the ironing!!!)

 

[Tinnedtomato]

Hi guys,

Iv loved reading this thread, because I am often wondering how we can have some quality time. My situation is a little different to others tho.

We used to work the same hours, so we spent all night together. Almost 2 years ago, my partner's children (11 and 13) came to live with us. We have both had to alter our working patterns so that im there on a morning, and he's there in an afternoon, and it is difficult. Within a few months of them with us, we had drifted apart, because we had become ships in the night.

It is so easy to get all wrapped up being mums and dads, that we forget that we're husband and wife/boyf and girlf, etc.

We have settled down in a routine now, and the youngest goes to bed at 8:30 and the eldest at 9pm, so that gives us some time on our own. We also try and do something special on the rare occassions that they sleep out too, cinema, meal out, or even just a nice romantic cooked meal at home.

It's strange because I do miss the old times when it was just me and him all the time, but I couldn't ever imagine being without the boys now, and when they do sleep out, the house seems so big and quiet, its scary, so we can't wait to bring them home again lol.

 

[interested92]

reading this, I am soooooo lucky. my husband is on shift work as a rail engineer. his depot shifts are 7 days long. 7 on days, 7 off. 7 on nights, 7 off. it's really hard when he's actually working, but it's lovely when he's off.

 

[Shirleen]

I only see mine occasionally he works nights, I work odd shifts, on my days off I make plans to see my friend, or to the gym, I'm also main carer/shopper for my housebound mum.
I used to have Monday's off, great I thought we can spend Monday's together....oh no the whole day he was 'getting geared up for work' honestly, he won't even come out for lunch! He also spoils our son and picks him up from school at 2.45.
So I got a second job on Monday's! I love the work it's not just abt the money as it's only 3 hours work, but I see my friend too.

The rest of the time he's ill with migraines.
To say I'm unhappy with the present situation is probably an understatement!

So there ya go!

 

[jaylou]

Oh dear Shirleen, that's not a good situation at all *hugs*

TinnedTomato - won't be long before you can leave them alone hun and get those few hours out back again!

 

[*EB*]

I think sometimes work life balance does get out of sync! so i live in a super messy house and have mad tidy up sessions when i get the chance - the rest of the time, i try to spend with my hubsie! xxx

 

[KittenKat]

Would love to contribute to this thread but (a) all on my lonesome these days and (b) when I was with my ex I could never get him to do anything in relation to 'quality time' unless it meant sitting in front of the computer gaming or watching a dvd - yes, we were out doing things together in game or were sat on the same sofa watching the dvd but, he could never understand that it just wasn't what 'quality time' was really about.

Maybe in hindsight I should have seen that as a warning sign. Hindsight, how I hate thee!

 

[Taniau]

Hubby and I drive into work together, so we've got 45 minutes each way of alone time. Which is okay unless he's nattering about something I don't care about and I can't get him to shut up

We're also going to download a bunch of Learning Spanish podcasts and listen to them together. Which should be interesting.

Sometimes it's enough for me to sit on the couch with him and read my book while he watches TV.

 

[*Emsie*]

Oh dear Shirleen, that's not a good situation at all *hugs*

TinnedTomato - won't be long before you can leave them alone hun and get those few hours out back again!

I agree!
Hope things improve for you too Shirleen x

 

[giraffegirl]

My hubby works a shift pattern and gets up at 3am including two out of three weekends so tends to be in bed early. I am a night owl and rarely finish an eveings overtime of catching up with work at home until around 1am. Our only real quality time with no kids, family, work or life getting in the way is every October we bugger off to spain for 3 days together. We sit and watch teh worlld go by, people spot, drink and sleep. Pure bliss!