Rosebug's Diary [back on the chain gang~]

I may have been to the hairdressers but I haven't been to the loo in a couple of days which is unusual for me, so upping the fat a bit and trying to get things moving.

Food today:

Smoked salmon + cream cheese
3g

dietimeal choc shake
1.5g

prawns, crispy bacon, 2 mini cheeses and cocktail sauce
4g

Tea
3g

pound shop pork scratchings
0g

2 scrambled eggs, 4 slices pancetta, 1/2 mim toasted, handfull mushrooms in butter
4g

TOTAL: 15.5g

Must stop scale hopping as they're being very annoying right now.
 
Morning Rose, I'm pleased it went well love
 
Morning Rose :D want me to come round and take your scales away?!!!
Have a good day :)
 
Thank you Jim. And Katie noooo not my scales! Will try to hold out until Sunday.

Flax really is a miracle food, btw.
 
I think I see more of my hairdresser than I do my children, lol. Every 4 weeks its a cut and colour for me. Every 6 weeks Im there with DD and every 3 weeks or so I end up going for a blow dry. Thats not to mention the times I decide on a sudden change and have to go immediately before I change my mind, lol.
 
when I used to have my hair waist length I think I went to the hairdressers about once in 10 years. Now it's waist length again but not exactly all my own work.

Just leaving this link here so I can find it later. Charcuterie looks like a good atkins way to eat out in London. I get nervous of all the fancy places on my own though. I'm not even sure you can get anything but sharing plates.

Five Places for: a grand charcuterie | Restaurants
 
Food today:

dietimeal choc shake
1.5g

2 squares G+B
2g

1/2ish (burned some) toasted mim, cream cheese, 6 slices pancetta
5g

tea
4g

1/2 roast chicken, asparagus
2g

TOTAL : 14.5g
 
Having a grizzle, I'm afraid. I'm so ridiculously worked up and frustrated which is LARGELY due to never sleeping when I want to and getting little bursts of 4 hour sleeps or 2 hour sleeps which then mean I can't sleep for the next 24 bloody hours. I lie in the dark for bloody hours every night just staring into it trying to absorb sleep through my skin.

Nana's had a turn for the worse this morning and dad's rushed over there to help which leaves me worried for both of them. He's been so so stressed and visiting every day and doing everything he can and breaking his back to get things done for her while she's incapable and I worry about the pressure it puts on him. And he's had this persistent cough for weeks now which my brain has basically decided is lung cancer.

And on a far smaller shallower note the bloody bloody scales. I know, I know they fluctuate but I hate seeing a good loss only to have it vanish the next day. And I wonder if it's cheating weighing in the morning when in the evening I can be so much heavier. And I seep to show a lower figure after a proper sleep and i am NOT GETTING ANY.

I just want to wall myself up inside a small cave and never look at anyone or anything again. And now I have to go and be sociable and work or something.
 
oh darling :( big hugs. thinking of you xxxx
 
Not going to the hospital yet, dad wants me to go to class, which obviously I'll be able to concentrate on fully and be a charming delight in the workshops. I'm so fed up. She was just, just on the verge of being able to cope again after being hospitalised since November and now this. The stress and the worry have been constant, she's been in tears practically every time I've visited and she's taken all of it out on my dad who doesn't deserve it and I think it's making him ill, and now it could be months more and start all over again and she was so close to giving up before. And there's nothing I can do to help anyone or anything. I don't think my family have had one solid good week for months. I'm so tired and so brokenhearted over this happening now. I just want to give everything up. I feel ugly and hideous and I hate my weight and my hair and I don't want to go out in public. I just want to hide.

Sorry, not the place for it but there's no where else.
 
Hugest ((hugs)). We are here for you sweetie
Xxxxxx
 
oh honey xxxxx things are rubbish at the moment and you are feeling crappy about yourself. you are a lovely girl very intelligent and commited to losing weight x xxxxxxxxx
 
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