sad day.........

[kelsocool]

I didnt realise when i started this diet that not only do you lose weight, you lose friends:cry:
Me and my (ex)best friend have been mates for 25 years, since i started the diet she has put a dampener on it, slagged it off to the high heavens, and permanently told me that "its quite likely that i will regain the weight when i eat normally!!!" She wasnt so bad when i was 20,19,18,17 stone but when i started getting near her weight (13.6) and then over took her she started becoming funnier with me, this week it all come to a head over something really stupid and we are officially NOT friends anymore. i felt like she used our stupid row to break away from me, and she has been pretty mean over the whole situation!!! I am gutted BUT out of any of my friends she has been the most unsupportive.


Just wondering if anyone else has had the same happen to them???

 

[minxie]

Really sorry to hear this, it's horrid falling out with friends, especially when they have been around for so long. It really sounds like she felt threatened by your loss and jealous of your success. I've read many an article that suggests women feel comfortable with heavier friends as it makes them feel better about how they look - now you must look much better than her she probably feels insecure.

Poor you. However truly good friends don't behave like that and are supportive of your actions to improve your health and appearance. Perhaps when the heat has died down a bit she might think how silly she's been and apologise. Hugs to you though.

 

[CHRISR]

Its never happened to me but it is sad that a long term 'friend' can be so mean. You don't need so called 'Friends' like that. She should have been supporting you all the way! Keep going girl and show her how strong you are x

 

[Starlight]

If thats the way she behaved shes not any kind of friend, youre well shot of her *HUGS*

 

[polishrose]

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

[amm451]

I completely agree with Minxie, You have done fabulously and you never know she might she you maintaining your loss and come crawling back begging for more details so she can be thin like you! No more being the fat friend for you!

 

[kelsocool]

the worse thing is, because she has slated the diet so much she cant back track and go on it herself (without losing face) It is sad but its more sad that i was her "fat friend" that raised her own self esteem apparently!!!

 

[NicolaR]

She clearly needs to learn to deal with her insecurity! I haven't had exactly the same experience but it was somewhat familiar - one of my friend never mentions my weight loss at all. And if someone else comments on it while they're around, they make a begrudging comment then go in a mood! How sad!

It must hurt to feel like you might have lost an old friend though I hope you're both able to patch things up eventually.

 

[newts]

How are you doing ?

Hello

I have been reading your messages and was really interested in how you coped with the "plateau period". I sooooo felt for you . I am the eternal yo yo dieter and currentky on week two of CD. Lost seven pounds in week one which I was pleased with but have been crying with frustration this morning as the scales show no loss , head aches and feeling sorry for myself. How are you doing now ? How do you keep motivated ?

 

[Petrina]

Sorry to hear. She wasn't your friend. If she was she would of supported you. I think she was just jealous of you. When I lost weight the 1st on CD a lot of people at work was saying I shouldn't lose anymore weight and I was looking too thin which I wasn't. One lady never mentioned my weight loss because I was getting smaller than her. When I used to come into work she used to say why are you wearing that, your just showing off now. Don't let this effect your weight loss just keep going your real friends will support you.

 

[amm451]

Hey newts,

Firstly well done on getting through the first week, certainly the hardest. I haven't seen you on the forum before so WELCOME and Congratulations on choosing SS the best diet in the world ever!

Some days are sts and for me last week was a sts but as I am a returner, I know there will be a big loss soon. Try not to get downhearted as it would be insane for the scales to move every day! Just remember how heavy 1lb actually is and for the losses so far you have done so well!

Anne-Marie xx

 

[towergilly]

kelsocool
sorry your friend is being a prat but some people just cant handle it. they want a friend that makes them feel better about themselves and there own insecurities, hopefully she'll wake up and realise how daft she's being if not babe unfortunatly all you can do is be a good friend to her - write her a letter let her know how much you value her friendship and hope she sorts her head out

well done on your weight loss hun don't let anyone steal your joy at doing the best thing you could have done for your health and happiness well done hun!

 

[alipally]

kel,
I'm so sorry about your friend. I had a friend who's best friend since school did the same to her....
We finally figured it out;
People don't like change and find it hard to accept. You have changed considerably, whilst she has remained the same. As a consequence of your new found figure you have changed the dynamic of the relationship that you once had, and she has found it more and more difficult to reconcile the differences not only in yourself, but also in the reactions of your other friends towards you, now that you are slimmer. It's unfortunate, but she has yet to come to terms with it. She has, in fact found it easier to pick a fight and blame the falling out on you. That way she can continue to see you as you once were and does not have to deal with the person you are becoming.
Partly it's jealousy, but, my guess is that she has yet to acknowledge that ugly emotion in herself.

I hope that she will come around, Our other friend did, and although their relationship is different, and they're not as close as they once were, it is much repaired, compared to where it was at it's worst.

 

[Purplepixie]

I think your friend is just Jelous. I have similar issues with my sister. I have lost 63lb, went from a size 20 to a 12/14 and she tells me she can't see a diffrence she actually says I have put ON weight. Just ignore them

 

[lunar jim]

Can't comment, it's not a bloke thing We just ignore it or punch stuff...

 

[dreamingmaid]

:hug99:

 

[LizS]

Oh Kels what a miserable thing to happen. Hugs for you. Does sound to me like the other ladies are correct, its either based in jealousy or because you're not her 'fat friend' any more and she can't deal with that. Whatever it is, it says a hell of a lot about her and nothing about you. You're doing what you choose to do and doing it successfully, and if she can't be happy for you then sadly she's not doing very well as your friend and you may be well shot of her.

People have a 'script' that gets them through their life, and in her 'script' it is probably so entrenched that 'Kels is my fat friend' that she simply cannot deal with the change in HER life.

Maybe she'll come around with time - remember the change curve - shock, anger, denial, depression, acceptance, integration....perhaps one day she'll be able to deal with the new script.

Poor lass, I kinda feel sorry for her in a way, she's backed herself into a corner and now can't get out of it (in more ways than one - firstly by being so horrible about your new shape and size, and secondly by slating the diet).

Be the 'bigger' person (!) here and just send her a little note or email or something, I'd be inclined to say that you're sorry the friendship seems to have hit the buffers, you can't work out why things have gone sour, and maybe hope that one day you can perhaps meet for a coffee or something. Leave the ball in her court, but in the knowledge that you might, just might, be amenable to being friends again if she can acknowledge why she's been so mean.

And if she can't do that - either now or in the future - then she was no true friend, I'm afraid. True friends want the best for each other, not what fits their own agenda.

xxx

 

[catb1979]

I've had the same problem....
My friend and I started the CD together for moral support, but after week 5 of SS she quit saying she couldn't stop cheating and actually put weight on in her last week. For some reason, I have been able to stick to it and am currently on week 9 of SS. I was totally supportive of her decision to stop, but she seems very bitter towards me for being able to continue without her. I try to avoid talking about the diet, but she texts me every Tues (WI day) to see how I've got on. At a friend's house recently, she made comments like "you enjoying your water?" whilst they were drinking wine and whilst they tucked into pizza asked if it made me uncomfortable to be around the food. I reminded her that being a restaurant manager, I was "surrounded" by food 5 days a week and the water was fine as it had been for the previous weeks. It has made me feel uneasy around her and have actually avoided seeing her since. Her previous comments regarding the fact she was shocked I'd managed to "stay off the booze" for so long have only fuelled my determination to prove them all wrong. I admit that I loved going out on a saturday night and and vodka was my poison of choice, but I know that the ban isn't forever and have been out with my friends whilst they have been drinking on several occasions and it's really not been too bad.

People like to have you in a certain "pigeon hole" and when you remove yourself from this, it makes them feel uncomfortable. My bf has recently accused me of seeing someone else, too. Whilst i have done nothing of the sort, losing weight opens up a lot of insecurities in others. It's amazing how you can affect people, simply by shrinking! xxx

 

[kelsocool]

Thankyou for all your replys, I will let the dust settle a little first and see if we can sort it then.........Have to say i feel more at ease without her (perhaps it was more a friendship of habit!!! Who knows

 

[b_n_3003]

it's such a shame your mate is jealous, she should be shouting from the rooftops how well you've done (congratulations btw.)
feel better soon hun x