Scared of reaching target

[krupskaya]

Hi all,

I usually never think about my target weight as it's seemed such a long way to go. I just concentrate on the mini goals (in my signature) as they seem more achievable.

I've made a list of further goals to follow on from these and take me to target. Weird though, it made me feel quite strange so I haven't posted them in my sig.

It's almost like I feel scared of getting to target . Like I'm going to lose part of myself in some strange way, I don't know. I think so much of my identity has been caught up with being fat I'm having problems envisaging the change...has anyone else felt like this? Feels dead weird!

 

[cocktailprincess]

I was always scared of getting to target because you hear all the scare stories from others- about how maintaining is harder than losing and I was always worrying about gaining weight back once I had got there.

Firstly- I still do have to concentrate pretty hard around food still at target, because I need to keep my habits and eating in check if I am to stay this way... and I am still learning to eat as normally as I can allow after years of food abuse. BUT I now get to do this hard stuff without all the hating myself at the same time, because I am now happy with what I look like

Secondly- you may feel that being overweight has defined you in the past, but what you 'lose' of yourself will be filled with other amazing things you never knew about who you are: You will re-discover 'going out' without having to stress for hours over what to wear or feeling like the fat girl- and shopping for clothes without having to feel uncomfortable in shops and trying on- you will feel more energised and maybe discover a love of exercise or a particular sport- you will enjoy feeling confident, attractive and in control.

Fear is such an easy feeling to give in to- it takes a special person to face fear head on and beat it- I promise you are on a wonderful journey where you are going to discover amazing things about yourself and learn to replace all those anxieties and self-loathing with such positive alternatives..... so don't be scared, mate

xxxxx

 

[MadameLaMinx]

I think its quite a common thing to be scared of getting to target. After all, you work so hard towards getting there, what happens after that?

I have admitted here before in the past, that when I hit target, I felt quite lost. I had been so focussed on the job in hand, that I didnt really know what to do after that point was reached. And if I am honest, I have messed about quite a bit since, trying to work my way through those feelings. It really does take a while for your head to catch up with your body.

Think of learning to maintain as your next challenge. Because it is an acquired skill, it just doesnt magically become apparent when you hit target, and the advice that you get "have extra Hexs" takes a little playing with and adjusting your mindset to acknowledge that its ok to go that little bit further now.

From a psychological perspective, reaching target can be a hurdle because it is the point where you no longer have the fact that you are fat to hide behind. I have always said that weight gain is a symptom rather than a cause - and the cause doesnt just go away with the loss. Whatever reason you personally had to gain the weight, still exists, whether that be addictive traits, lack of confidence, wanting to provide yourself with a physical barrier to stop people loving you, whatever the reason, it is personal to you, and it is something that is worth thinking about at this time, to work out how you can get past that.

You also become more "free" when you hit target. Free to occasionally choose higher syns, free to buy clothes from wherever you feel like, free to take part in activities that you previously dismissed because you were overweight. And that can be an overwhelming thing in it's own right. So much freedom, so many choices, it was so much safer behind the excuse of the weight, because you didnt have to make them.

So now is an excellent time to work on your positive thinking. Being afraid of something and pushing through past that and achieving the thing that you were afraid of gives you such an amazing boost in self-confidence that you can begin to grow and flourish and become the new you, the you that was always there, but who you have protected from the world - and can learn that there is nothing that can stop you. If you can achieve this, you can achieve ANYTHING you set your mind to.

*hugs*. You're doing great. Fear is healthy, just dont let it beat you!

 

[krupskaya]

Thankyou for the wonderful posts CP and MLM. What is so useful about your posts is that you've been there and done that and write so eloquently about it. I'm glad to know I'm not alone and this is 'normal' (for want of a better word).

Yes, CP the fear of not being able to maintain does also feature in my thinking and I think I too will have to be very focussed when I reach target (feels strange to even be writing about 'target'). And you're so right MLM, freedom can be a scary thing indeed. Good advice to work on my food issues now as emotional challenges led me straight to a binge, like so many others on here.

The mark of courage is not that you feel fear though, but that you push past it and carry on. And I am determined to do just that.

Thanks again ladies, xxx

 

[Monkey_Monkey_Underpants]

Can I add my little bit? Or am I too late?

I haven't had the experience of trying to maintain that CP and MLM have, but I am now very close to target myself, and so I'm doing lots of thinking too.

I'm not scared of target. Not really.
I have fears about being able to maintain my new weight, yes, but I'm not scared of target itself: I'm longing for it.
But I am scared of the upcoming identity crisis which I expect will hit as soon as those SW scales show the magic number.

Who will I be?

I do have a small difference of opinion from CP & MLM actually (may I be shot down in flames!). Because for some of what they say, you don't actually have to be at target.
I can already buy clothes from "normal" shops. I already have so much more energy. I'm already well slim enough to take part in any activities I choose.
So I don't think that in the world of slimming (as opposed to Slimming World) there's an easy, obvious and single division between Fat People and Target People. Clearly there are lots of gradations in between.

What I mean is, if you suddenly stopped losing, half a stone short of what you have in your head as your target, you wouldn't be "The Fat One" any more, and you wouldn't be at Target. But you'd still have the identity crisis that you're afraid of. So it's not target itself that you fear. Is it?

You don't necessarily have to wait until you're at target to stop thinking of yourself as "The Fat One", and you may go through many re-definitions of yourself as you slim down.

In my case, I was always "The Fat Bird". A lot bigger than any of the people around, me, and taking refuge in humour, self-depredation, and all the other tools that we have.
But I stopped being that a while back. In everyone else's eyes, at least.

Then I became "The One Who's Losing All The Weight". Because once I reached the point of being determined to lose it, I really haven't looked back, and among the people I know (many of whom start diets and give up on them on a regular basis - just like we all used to do) the weight loss has been astounding. Even in Group, actually.

So that's 2 major definitions of myself that will then be gone.

Who / what will I be, then?
I'm not going to have a category any more. And I can't see that I'm suddenly going to get an influx of the kind of self esteem that's going to make me outgoing, sociable, popular...
I'm never going to be outstandingly slim, to be defined by that. (Phew.)
But nor am I (Ever Again!!!) going to be outstandingly fat.

I really don't know who I'll be, any more. And that identity crisis is what really scares me. Because it would be so much easier to go to (or go back to) one of the extremes, so that I've got a pigeon hole for myself again. But for my own health, both physical and mental, I have no intention of doing that.
Though the alternative is terrifying!

I hope it's not going to be long before I find out.
I hope the self sabotage doesn't step in and get in my way.
I hope I can concentrate on the massive advantages of what I've achieved, rather than this teeny down-side.
But who knows?

 

[krupskaya]

What an insightful post JimofTroy. You're quite right, it's not actually target that's so scary though there is the fear of not maintaining. And the 'what now?' factor described by MLM. It's also the challenge to my perceived identity. I'm so used to being the fat friend that dipping under 11stone (8lbs to go) is in itself quite scary. Maybe I'm neurotic. Probably am. Won't be the first time. But my post obviously struck a chord with you wise peeps on here. I've now added in all my mini goals and am really glad I did that - because the only way is down (on the scales). Thanks all for your thoughtful replies.

 

[curvesncurls]

Oh God, I'm all teary-eyed with the posts! Between that and the post CP had on exercise, it's like someone's just painted a picture of how you can go from being the "big one" to healthy toned and energized. While it seems straightforward, the biggest journey really does seem to be in your head, the how to be you but slimmer.
I've just downloaded the C25K on my iphone, so ladies, watch this space.
PS You two should be putting together a self-help book, like the Diary of a Confirmed Dieter (which was pretty good!)

 

[*Emsie*]

I am not yet at target its about 10.5lbs away but I have also had a lot of the different feelings along the way. I think the weight that I carried around with me for years was like an armour I had built up between me and the world and as it has come away its been quite scary at times. Everyone tells me how I must feel more confident and I don't think it is necessarily the case. When I walked into places before I assumed I knew the judgements etc people would make of me and braced myself for that now I'm not sure what people are thinking if they are thinking anything!
I also am no longer the big one and will be unlikely to be the skinny one and eventually (hopefully) I will be at target and remain thereabouts and people will get used to that and so I won't be the one who is losing/lost all the weight either!
Am getting to the point that I am realising that although there has been a huge change I am pretty much the same and there are lots of people that realise that and am so glad and lucky to have them. There are one or two people around me that I am not so sure can adjust to the change and thats sad but life I suppose, there are people that never showed much of an interest in me before that have more now and I'm thinking well you can get stuffed
Mostly I am glad that I am more normal size and can do things that I couldn't before because I physically couldn't (not because of confidence) wear things I couldn't etc my hubby isn't worried about my health anymore and is liking the new body too and the kids are happier not to have a fat mum and I can do more things with them and show them a better example of how to look after their bodies because I, they and we are worth it!
So really its not so scary it sounds pretty good to me so bring on the target weight and the new wardrobe and who knows what else and good luck to finding parts of yourself underneath the bits you want to lose xxxx