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Self-Sabotage .. do you?

Ossireo

Full Member
G: 11st0lb
#1
It is probably obvious that many of us on Minimins have an unhealthy relationship with food that we are trying to untangle or have been successful in untangling.

I've noticed of myself in the last few years that I seem to fall into a cycle. I do struggle to lose weight (currently looking into PCOS with my GP) and gain it really easily. I can have weeks of being good and maintain rather than lose weight and that has been with other diets too.

Out of the blue last week I lost 6lbs after relaxing things up on the diet having stayed the same for weeks and I was rather chuffed to say the least. Since then I have just not been in the zone at all... I've had mince pies, stollen etc and if its been offered I seem to have banned my ability to say no - about the only thing I have stuck to is my no milk!

I also do a similar thing with my nails .. I spot that they have grown and look nice, the next minute I have bitten most of them off!

Am I alone in this oddness of self abuse or does anyone have similar experiences and it is it something that you have managed to just work through?

Nicola
 
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Spinoza

Never give up
S: 18st12lb C: 17st11lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 35.7 Loss: 1st1lb(5.68%)
#2
Gosh, that's deep for a Wednesday night! Might have to come back to this Saturday with a large glass of wine. :D

I definitely have a deeply emotional bond to eating. I have never just eaten to survive - I always ate for gratification on some level Nicola. But - and it's a huge but - I think Atkins is changing that for me. I'm viewing food much more as fuel, and much less as a reward, IYKWIM. And that has only happened since I got to a weight I am happy with.

I actually thought I was sabotaging my diet by stopping my Lipotrim half a stone short of my goal weight and changing to Atkins in September, but it has worked out so well for me.

Will ponder the rest of your post and get back to it. Most thought-provoking. :confused:
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 24st11lb C: 21st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 52.6 Loss: 3st8lb(14.41%)
#3
I am an expert in self sabotage, using food (and drink) as an escape or reward. I've been saying to myself I'll do a major carb fest over Christmas, because it's Christmas and I deserve a treat - but why see it as a treat, when I've worked so hard (well, as hard as Atkins gets lol) to lose weight????

Thanks so much for your post, because it got me thinking: "There I am, doing it again. I've been 'good' so obviously it's time to stuff my face with pizza and cake and undo lots of that hard work".

That's what I need to work on! :D
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#4
Hmmmm,

Do you all feel that's it's due to low self esteem I wonder.
 
S: 12st12lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 0st8lb(4.44%)
#5
So do you not feel like this Jim? Wonder if it's hormonal? Yup I know what you mean although maybe now I do it on a smaller scale than before (ie a few crisps rather than a whole bag!).
I wonder why our reward for losing weight is food related maybe it should be a pamper session, a new book something along those lines?
Lady Susie you are so right 1) why do I need a reward I need to lose weight to be healthy and 2) why do I deserve to stuff myself with rubbish anyway?
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#6
No I don't Lesley, I never have. I'm just mainly happy really.
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#8
and thinking about it Lesley, when I decided to lose weight and do Atkins, it wasn't really a Body Image thing, more worried about my health than anything.
 
S: 12st12lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 0st8lb(4.44%)
#9
Hmmm I think I'm a mixture of the 2 and also my mum is overweight and I see how it limits and restricts what she can do (or thinks she can do) it has a huge impact on her life and I didn't want that to happen to me.
If only I could work out how to help her :sigh:
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#10
It's hard to help people unless they want the help Lesley.
 
S: 12st12lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 0st8lb(4.44%)
#11
That is so true Jim I think she has resigned herself to her situation but I know I could help and support her but as you say this is something you can't force anyone else to do.
 
S: 12st7lb C: 9st5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 23.2 Loss: 3st2lb(25.14%)
#12
No i don't now that i think about it .I did have a good friend that always self sabotaged and would admit that she has a hard relationship with food .I am very determined and once i decide to do something i tend to stick to it to the end .

I did try other diets and failed but my success on atkins was more due to the fact that to me its not a diet its a whole way of life .I can not go back to eating as i did .Bread, crisps lots of potatoes but i don't miss them and find they actually don't appeal to me at all now .If i eat out i have what everyone else has and just skip the rice etc on the side .

When i was losing my weight since last January my friend was obsessed with what i was doing ,eating etc .I phoned her daily to give her support but she would always go 2 days and break out .We lived 100 miles away and would only see each other every couple of months .

Roll on august and on hols together it was a disaster constantly watching what i ate .Comments etc and ended up being quite nasty .I had tried to help but it was like it was she was ok when i was the same but not when i lost the weight .Our friendship is not the same but she admits that she has serious issues with food that need to be addressed .
 

Ossireo

Full Member
G: 11st0lb
#13
Thanks for the replies.

I think it probably is self esteem as I certainly don't want to reward myself for losing weight I seem to feel I don't deserve it - I think I feel I will always fail so I set myself up to fail?

I've also struggle with gifts of food. When I was not working 2 years ago I went through a patch of making sure I paid all my bills at the cost of having no food for myself (I would make sure my son had food) after a period of time I would let my mum give me food, then my exMIL use to send around boxes of food and eventually I would just eat anything anyone gave me. That is a habit that I am finding hard to break even though I now buy food and provide fully for myself!

I'm a messed up puppy!
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 24st11lb C: 21st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 52.6 Loss: 3st8lb(14.41%)
#14
Yes but when you have money worries, Nicola, you do just eat to survive - and unfortunately cheaper food is the high carb yucky stuff! :(

So please don't beat yourself up about it too much, it's always easier to listen to the bad voices in our heads, rather than admiring our good parts.

I've always had poor body image, but never did anything about it (apart from silly diets that made me feel bad and constantly hungry or smelly - the cabbage soup diet, anyone? :p), ate like mad, never exercised and that's why I am the weight I am.

It's early days for me on Atkins - but so far so good, and I'm happy with it, for as long as it takes. There are so many success stories here, so I know it works. I think the improvement in body image will come as I lose weight - and actually when I was getting ready for the interview today, I thought: "You look nice in that shirt" - so the healing process has begun :D
 

LVLLM

Gold Member
C: 11st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 25.3
#15
Thats Brill Susie.
I actually looked in the mirror last night and noticed my arms were thin!
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#16
I think I may have said this before, but it took a moment in M&S to change how I saw myself, I was in the later stages of OWL and had lost about 11 stone, I was looking for shirts and as I walked along the aisle I could see this tall thin guy walking towards me, suddenly I realise it was my reflection in a mirror. I was stunned, until that point I suppose my mental body image was still the fat guy.
 

Ossireo

Full Member
G: 11st0lb
#17
I think that's a common thing Jim in people that have lost weight. I know when my mum lost all her weight initially she would get spooked by the reflection in shop windows as it was not her in her own mind. I still remember her happy giggles in the changing rooms in Asda as she had to take a 14 back for a 12 :)

I still feel the same as I did when I was in sizes 22 and I am currently almost comfortably in 16's - the mental perception is a big hurdle I think.

I also think you can start getting comments from people about being too thin more than an actual thin person would get - I've often wondered if that is mainly due to people only knowing you as overweight. When my mum was in her 12's some people told her that she was looking haggard (which was total BS!) she looked gorgeous and yet she was still at a BMI of 26!

It is good when you see changes (hope the interview went well btw - will try catch up on other threads to see if you have mentioned results!!).

Thin arms?!! is that as a result of that shaker weight contraption? :)
 

LVLLM

Gold Member
C: 11st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 25.3
#18
Thin arms?!! is that as a result of that shaker weight contraption? :)
yes think so. right arm thinner but thats cos im right handed i suppose.

Jim yes when i see myself in shop windows dont think its me!
 
S: 25st0lb C: 13st1lb G: 13st1lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 11st13lb(47.71%)
#19
When my mum was in her 12's some people told her that she was looking haggard
Interesting Nicola, My wife says that if I get below 13 1/2. And yet for most of my Army life I was 12 1/2 - 13. I was more muscley then though, so maybe that's it.
 
#20
I still have an "apron" as Jim calls it, wish that would go, my arms have a lot of loose skin and I am quite self concious about that, I love my collarbones most of all. Think bits have tightened up but a long way from being what you could call normal without clothes on! I still look at my face sometimes and think it is too thin but that has got to do with looking at the face when it has been a full moon for 30 + years.............still would not want to go back to what I was and find it very frustrating that if I step out of induction at all (alcohol) my weight goes back up straight away. All I seem to do these days is grumble - somebody give me a slap!!!
 


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