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sick of it all

ok i weighed myself today and im hovering around 14 stone 9lbs which sucks ass. anyway i am determined not to give up. basically ive has a lousy few years and i need to vent a little in order to open up a new chapter in my life and get the hell on with enjoying it and embracing myself.

im 22 now and this summer 4 years ago i lost a lot of weight. i was 17stone 8lbs and i got down to 14 stone 4lbs. anyway my goal weight is ten stone and four years later im still as far away from it as i was then. i know im young but i want to enjoy these years feeling the best i can. im finshed college in three weeks and want to go into tv and radio broadcasting, but i want a new image that shines from the inside right through to the outside.

the past few years have been crap to say the least. ever since i turned 18 things have kept happening and i keep finding myself back in square one, having to pep talk myself everyday in order to get on with it.

when i was 17 i battled depression for a year and a half and through wonderful friends and my family i got through it.
then when i 19, my best friend one of whom helped me through everything dropped dead at the age of 20. just one day she was gone. then later that year i got glandular fever and had to take a sick year out. so my four year degree became 5. things were going well when i repeated until i had the lecturer from hell who failed me not because i didnt work hard but because and i quote he 'may have been in a bad mood on the day' so after a summer of grinds and intense study i passed and moved onto final year aka this year. so semester one went well got down to 13 and a half stone last year and was coping with everything when suddenly in january 2009 my dad collapses and we find out he has cancer. so i move home and pretty soon im back up to 14 stone 9 lbs. now while i hate blaming outside circumstances, my college is 200 miles away so all of this involved moving home and commuting back and forth twice a week in order to get my thesis and minor project in. so yeah getting my head around that and last week, 3 weeks before my final major project is due- i get the mumps! which means two solid weeks of isolation, weight being put back on and ive to get yet another extension in college plus i feel like crap. now i spent most of this week battling with myself cos i felt so down but yesterday i was like **** this, im making out a plan and that is that. but this plan while i do hope to lose weight is a bout a new healthier me.I AM SICK OF BEING SICK, i am sick of all the pep talks and i am sick of feeling so bloody sorry for myself. i want to live a happy unsluggish lifestyle where i look as good as i feel and that is why from may 2009 i am starting my very own operation transformation.

i am setting out my goals, planning wat my next step in life is and above all getting body confidence. my immune system is in shatters, ive allergies out to my ears and my eyes which are supposed to be a bright blue, are nearly grey with unhappiness!

i need to move on with my life and take control and this is the only thing i could think of to get my ass in gear. ive done the councelling, ive talked to everyone but ive reached a point where i dont want to have to constantly get reassurance of people just to get on with things. i know people are there but i want to depend on myself for a change.

so as of monday i will start a diary. and the week after next i am doing exercise every single day (not allowed do exercise until then according to the doctor)

so anyway that me a struggler but more importantly always a restarted. i have my dreams and i am not giving them up and but i just feel a bit drained and very low about myself and just want things to get better.
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good luck with taking control. you have lost over three stone and kept it off so don't underestimate your achievements to date - if your best friend had done that you wouldn't say "yes but you're still too fat" would you.

be kind to yourself xx
You've had a really rough few years so it IS your time to shine! You sound determined so good luck and go for it.:p
I know exactly what you mean. I'm struggling with excess weight and although I know its not a massive amount but I feel like its getting in the way of me living me life while I'm still young. I'm only 26 but I'm shy, reserved and completely lacking the confidence in myself to achieve anything. As you say, it should be the time to shine but its horrible with this barrier in the way.

The good thing is your attitude is fantastic, and thats the first step to changing your life around. Good luck with it and if you need to rant or moan about anything, feel free to pm me ;)

good luck!
good luck i hope today is going good and your on track now im sure you will do great xx






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