Slightly OT- alcohol and support

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by chele80, 4 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    I started this out as a thread asking about how supportive your partners are but it's now turned into the below:

    Do your OHs support you?

    I could kill mine tonight. He's feeling down and depressed and is seeking solace in food and drink.
    The food surprisingly I can cope with (more or less), but it's the drinking.

    Last weekend he was the same. He said he was going to have one bottle of beer Friday night. He then had over the weekend 3 large bottles of beer, 4 large cans of Stella and 2 bottles of wine.

    Tonight he's having 2 large beers and a bottle of wine.

    I consider this binge drinking. But woe betide me if I mention this. If I ask him not to he just goes ahead and buys more. So that's tonight and we're supermarket shopping tomorrow and no doubt we'll have the same argument again.

    I want my husband to live to his old age. His drinking has always annoyed me. He always turns to it when he has a problem. Gosh, I mean I have a problem with food but in my eyes alcohol is a more serious one, no?

    Can you give me any advise???
    I just don't know what to do or say anymore
    Xx
     
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  3. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Hey hon

    So many people visualise acholics as the person with the bottle in a brown bag... or the person who drinks all day and can't work etc because of it and if they don't see themselves in that category they say they are "just having a few after a hard day" and other similar self-delusions and get very defensive if anyone tries to discuss their drinking patterns with them.

    But alcohol is said to be misused if it is having a negative impact on a regular basis on work, home and/or social life and relationships. It certainly sounds like his drinking habits are definitely having a negative impact on your home life and your relationship. Alcohol issues quickly become a "family issue" (alcoholism is considered a family disease) because it affects everyone. While your OH is drinking he is emotionally removing himself from you which is not good... not only while he is drinking but also during the hangover etc. It can become the elephant in the room with everyone circling around it so it begins to dictate everything.. this may be subtle at first but then it grows.

    The only way to deal with it is to confront him in a positive way. This should not be done though while he is having a drink or while you are shopping. It needs to be done at a completely non related time e.g. a midweek evening, when there are unlikely to be any distractions (e.g. subtly silence phones, kids in bed etc). Then you need calmly and assertively voice your concerns. I'd suggest you give Al-Anon a call to discuss how best to approach him Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire

    So give up on trying to fight it this weekend/over the next few days ... do not say anything tomorrow during shopping etc .. it will get you no-where and just cause conflict with no real chance of resolution. Just quietly commit to yourself to contact Al-Anon early next week and once you have you can quietly put together an action plan of how to proceed and when.

    Hugs
     
  4. Mrs Taurus

    Mrs Taurus Silver Member

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    I miss the booze much more than the food, Mr T has given up smoking, has an ill dad and seriously ill brother, plus exceptionally demanding job so he too seeking solace in the food and booze. However he is responsible for what he puts in his mouth, as I am for what I put in mine so I just feel smug!x
     
  5. xKimmiex

    xKimmiex Silver Member

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    My mum was an alcoholic. She worked everyday till 12 or 7 on lates and would drink till she went bed. Not every night though. She would have wine or whatever she would buy after work. She wouldn't get so drunk where she was comatose ect and she still cooked and did normal things! Was an awful childhood, worrying if she would be drunk when I got home from school. Anyway my daddy had a stroke in 2006 and the day he had it she drank that night I mean heavy stuff, the day after it shocked her and she never drank (apart from Xmas ect) again! She was worrie she would have to go hospital and couldn't cause she was drunk. I then had my baby is 2008 and was living at home, she was the best nanna ever!! Sadly she passed away in 2009 from stomach cancer (from drinking? Don't know) and I forgive her 200000% for the drinking.

    But yeah she could o gone days without drinking then "binge" x
     
  6. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Amusingly he came in after his tea and said to me "I won't drink anything tomorrow so long as you don't have a pizza"
    Which made me smug as I wasn't going to give in this weekend anyway, but what he doesn't realise is that now I'm absolutely no matter what going to have a pizza.

    But now he keeps going in about it, mentioning pizza, licking his lips etc
    He's realised he knows I won't give in which means he needs to stick to his end of the bargain but I bet he comes up with some excuse anyway tomorrow to get a drink or five in!
    Haha I'll have the last laugh!
     
  7. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Sorry about both your parents hun x
     
  8. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Sound advice as always GG.
    So I stopped mentioning anything and he's the one keeps bringing it up

    I'm going to get the weekend over with then sit him down in the week for a "discussion"

    What also pees me off is we have a 10 month old and the state he can get himself into worries me. Glad im not the big drinker in this relationship/house
    Xx
     
  9. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    I imagine deep down it's playing on his mind even if he doesn't want to admit it and now he's spoiling for a fight in a way so he can have his say again and deny deny deny.

    In my struggle I've had a drug addiction that I then swapped for a food addiction (I now realise). I was what would be classed as a "functioning addict".. I was working hard and doing extremely well in my career. I had friends and a social life... but my drug of choice (hash) had a very strong hold on my life and I made some excuse or other to justify having some every night (e.g. some people have a glass of wine.. I have a spliff). My therapist said worst thing is the delusions addicts tell themselves to justify their actions ....and they can be hard to acknowledge and break.

    There is an "addiction risk questionnaire" that PROMIS have done up that I have (as I already have swapped one addiction I needed to be aware of my other risk areas so I wouldn't swap food for something else) - I can copy the alcohol questions for you if you want? And you could maybe see if they are any use to you?
     
  10. Mrs Taurus

    Mrs Taurus Silver Member

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    I totally get your last post GG, after successfully sending the compulsive eater in me on a 7 year holiday, I then when I met Mr T used to have vino every night, which is something I never thought I'd do in life.
    However when my mum died I ended up eating and drinking each night!
    Think minimins is my nightly vino substitute now! x
     
  11. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Yes please Gg x
     
  12. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Interestingly again this morning, I've mentioned nothing and he's brought up pizza again already!
    Im guessing he's still really gutted about the little "promise" he made last night and probably does realise that I am stronger SSing and resisting food than he is alcohol

    Today and shopping will be really interesting still. I'm keeping my mouth shut(as much as possible)
    Will update later n let you know how we go on
     
  13. great things

    great things Gold Member

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    yikes what a strange thing for him to say knowing you're doing ss.
     
  14. lancsgirl

    lancsgirl yummy mummy in the making

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    I was talking about this last night! My ex husband had a drink
    Problem and I think at the end of our marriage I was drinking alot also maybe a bottle of wine every night! When I left and moved in with my new oh I cut down slightly but still had to drink to feel happy! Anyway I got pregnant didn't drink and to be honest didn't miss it and sine then I could take or leave wine! Last night I did say I cud do with a wine, but it passed after a little while, hopefully I can enjoy a glass or two in the future without going over board!
     
  15. onlyme!

    onlyme! is a naughty girl...

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    If any one wants to, talk my dad is an alcoholic and I have seen and heard everything! :) x
     
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  16. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Hey Chel

    Here's that questionnaire I told you about. You may or may not feel it might be helpful.

    Take care hon

    PS - if you don't have zip file (compression) software then 7zip is a free software you can download from the t'interweb.
     

    Attached Files:

  17. chele80

    chele80 On a mission

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    Thanks gg, will download when I'm on my laptop x
     
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  19. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    I included a few of the other categories too and it also has the list of all the other categories that can be considered "addictive". Though it might just be of interest so don't think it is directed at you lol
     
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