starting again (again) and so lost

[iwannabesize10]

Hello all

Firstly can I say what a fantastic site this is. I am some what of a lurker, I cant recall posting before on the forum bit. I think this site is great.

I am about to embark on ww for the god knows what time.

I feel like the biggest failure ever. Every year I swear it wont be a year like the last, that I wont succumb to crash dieting, pills, fads etc that I will lose weight properly and in a health fashion, gradually over the weeks.

And yet here we are 8 months into the year and I am still 4 stone over weight. I cannot stick to a diet. I used to be able to, but I cannot stick to it now. Not any of them.

In jan, I embarked on lighter life. I couldnt keep it up I felt so ill, I even passed out. I lasted a week. I have tried ww a few times this year, but nothing can make me stick to it. Despite the fact that I despise myself for being this size. Despite the fact that I look in the mirror and want to cry at what I see, or even worse, when I see photos. Despite the fact that I barely bring myself to be intimate with my boyfriend because I feel so disgusting. Despite all this I still cant stick to losing weight. WHY??????

Being fat - there I said it - but being fat impacts on EVERY part of my life in a negative way.

I am obsessed with the bathroom scales, I weigh myself constantly as if the results will change in a few seconds. I have been getting more and more disheartened as I have been running three times a week for the last 6 weeks and seem to be putting on weight.

I feel so out of control when it comes to food. I make stupid little agreements in my head like, i had salad for lunch so the reward must be a bag of crisps. Or I have been for a run - chocolate time.

I just cant stand being like this any more. Even as I write this, prepapred to embark on yet another diet I have this fear in me that I will fail. I know people say you have to really want to do it to succeed and I do REALLY want to lose weight so why cant I do it?

I am sorry for the babbling. I just dont know what to do any more. I feel trapped in this disgusting body, and the outgoing me seriously wants to escape.

Has anyone else ever felt like this and overcome it and beaten those weightloss demons? I hope so. I hope there are a million success stories out there. People who have never struggled with their weight do not understand the impact it has on your life. Those who have been there do

Thanks to anyone who has read this and good luck on your individual journeys xxx

:sigh:

 

[*Saski*]

Hey my lovely. Welcome to the boards. I can completely sympathise with you. I have tried soo many different things over the years.

I am exactly the same i am extremely outgoing and i can't help but think that to a certain extent my size holds me back. I did theatre as part of my degree and i'm sure i got typecast in a lot of roles and wasn't given the same opportunities as others due to my size.

But in April this year i decided that enough was enough and here i am 4 months later and i'm still sticking with it (whereas normally i would have given up long ago). I have lost nearly 2 stone in that time and i am losing it at a steady rate. I still have a long way to go and i know it won't be easy but if you believe you can do it it can be done.

This site is absolutely brilliant as well. Whenever i am struggling or having a bad day the lovely ladies pick me up and get me back on track.

WW is by far the best thing i have tried and the brilliant thing is is that you can eat the things you want and you can still have a life.

So if you have a think about why WW might not have worked for you in the past and post it up here. I (and i'm sure many others will too) will see how i can help work around those issues so it's something you feel you really can stick with.

Good luck in your journey and if you ever need anything you only have to ask. Take care. xxx