Starting in 2014!

Yes I'm quite proud of myself for containing it and not jeopardising what I've achieved so far. Am hoping for a couple of pounds off today. Whatever the number, though, I am already feeling better than I was so I know it's working.

Just wish I could get rid of these aches and pains. I've had unexplained joint pain for the past eight years - nearly nine - since I had my elder daughter. The GP and consultant think it's the start of arthritis but my blood work show such mild markers that they can't prescribe anything. I just have to keep taking painkillers when it gets bad (ie every morning). The thing that is getting to me at the moment is muscle weakness. I've had trouble dressing my younger daughter as I can't lift my arms above my head, and I also have no grip in my fingers to speak of, and then at the weekend I went on a short bike ride and my leg muscles almost gave out, even though I was on the flat!! Hubby wants me to go back to the doctor but after a year or so of pointless tests and being above my ideal weight I am reluctant. To be fair they have never blamed it on my weight before, even when I was 16 stone, but I'm still nervous and don't want the weight lecture.

Ugh. It's dispiriting though. I like to be up and at em, but feel so so old and lethargic at the moment. I must get my SAD lamp out and see if it helps my energy levels. I know it won't help my muscle and joint pains but it might help with the crashing fatigue. I don't feel I can drive at the moment in case I fall asleep at the wheel :-(

Anyway, looking forward to weigh in tonight and to getting my packs sorted for the week.
 
Just a thought but arthritis can be exacerbated by toxins in the joints. When we start doing this diet we are releasing a lot of toxins from the fat so that can make things worse for a while - google Herxheimer reaction. Long term it may actually be beneficially as we are eating a relatively clean diet - albeit not in the traditional sense.

Good luck for weigh in tonight.
 
Aw thats fab spangly. Well done, a stone in 2 weeks, amazing!
 
Thanks, everyone. Wanttobeslim, that's a really sweet comment. It's nice to know I'm motivating you! We can all do this!!

Realised I'm almost 1/3 of the way there!! Yay! Just keep on keeping on, taking one day at a time...
 
I wish I was one of those 'naturally slim' people. A colleague today expressed curiosity at my diet soup, saying, 'I simply can't imagine what it's like to have to diet. I've never needed to'. Then, when i made some self-deprecating (??? Why???!) remark about wanting to wear something other than the same cardigan and sweater I've been wearing for months, she said, 'yes, we've noticed!'

Hmph.

Also had some bad news at work today as well so it's been a tough day. I haven't been tempted to cheat though, which is great.
 
Aw hope you are ok. Don't listen to smug people she will have something in her life she struggles with. Keep going, you are doing great. Well done for not eating!xx
 
Yes I know. I'm managing to rise above these things on the whole. Funny how I don't realise until I take carbs out of the equation how much I use them as comfort in all kinds of situations. Mad, really, because it's such a temporary solution. I know this, but when my carb monster takes over, all common sense is forgotten.

Starting to accept this is going to take a while and pretty comfortable with that. I keep thinking about being at goal by Easter or the summer or Christmas, and how much nicer these things will all be without the spectre of overweight taunting me. I just need to keep taking one day at a time...
 
Almost cracked today. Not sure why except it was the weekend. In the end I had a fourth pack. I thought it was the least bad food option. I'm 5'7.5" anyway, which makes me borderline for 3 packs I think.

Hubby and I had a long-anticipated date night last night and to be honest I missed alcohol and missed sharing a meal together. We went to the cinema (good choice!) but the film was terrible. We hardly ever get a chance to go out as we can't afford babysitting and don't have any family locally, apart from my mum, who is 85 and getting a bit frail now. We timed two sleepovers for the girls... And then the film was rubbish. Also I was looking forward to a lazy morning but hubby got up at 6am as usual :-(

All a bit disappointing really.

Anyway. Busy week ahead (as usual). Martyr martyr martyr grump grump grump. Will seem better in the morning I expect.
 
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Sore throat and full of cold. Sore throat came on yday but is much worse today. Really want to take day off but I had two days off last year and don't feel great about that. Also have two big meetings in London to go to. Ugh.

Can't believe I'm ill again! I was ill for three weeks in the lead up to and over Christmas. I think this is the legacy of all my yoyo dieting last year and not focusing properly on green veg/protein and a broadly Paleo-ish diet (which I know suits me). Instead I had weeks of packs followed by weeks of bingeing(ish). Need to get this sorted this year!

At least this time I know I'm in ketosis (I was never entirely sure with slim and save) and I do believe I will get back to goal properly. Then I need to LOOK AFTER MYSELF!!
 
How did I let myself get so fat again?! :-(

I just remember from time to time buying loads of carbs and bingeing on the drive home from my knackering job that doesn't have anywhere near the autonomy I expected. Another stressful day so bags of rubbish on the way home. :-(

I'm really sad about that.

I'm turning this around but what was I thinking? That somehow it wasn't going to catch up with me? I've lost a stone and I'm still nowhere near fitting my 'big' work trousers, let alone my size 12s. I must have really hated myself (past tense deliberate) to wantonly and knowingly throw away my carefully maintained size.

Maybe I wanted someone to ask me if I was ok. But no one does, do they, when you're stacking on weight at a rate of knots? It's not polite.

Well I guess there may be comments as it comes off again. Who knows?

I feel bloated and like I haven't lost anything this week :-(. It must be psychosomatic.
 
I have been spending a lot if time thinking similar things. I can now see how much of a problem I had yet at the time I thought all was ok. We are making the right moves to change these behaviours for good.xxxxx
 
You're right, Dream. Yes, we're doing the right thing.

I think one of my other triggers the other day was seeing an old schoolfriend I haven't seen in a while. She has always been naturally slim - the same height as me but around 8.5 stone :eek: and she also looks like a model, facially. She's always been the beautiful one and I'm the fat frumpy friend. I lost weight when I was a teenager but took it too far (6.5 stone!) and then have been all over the place. Finally felt great a couple of years ago, at goal, maintaining well, just in time for my 10th wedding anniversary. Fab. Felt confident, even with her in the room (she is a totally lovely person, by the way!)

Saw her this weekend and she tutted about me being on CWP (probably just worried) and then said, "I think I need to be careful these days. I did my usual thing at Christmas of finishing off the whole box of chocolates but had put on a couple of pounds above my 8 and a half stones. Had to get it off sharpish".

Sigh :(.

I spent my childhood and adolescence being compared unfavourably to her and my cousin (also naturally slim and beautiful). My mum always said it was a pity I was so plain. I feel I've come so far... and am so much happier and more confident than I ever was before... but then this sort of conversation just triggers up all sorts of anxieties and insecurities from my past. I SO WANTED TO EAT EAT EAT - but I didn't! Go me!!

Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm a bit down at the moment, probably just tired, but keeping on keeping on... 3rd weigh in tomorrow. I'm secretly hoping for another 4lb but don't know if that's possible. We shall see.
 
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Yes definitely doing the right thing but hard when we feel down. The time of year is a bit grim and relentless. I'm sure your friend has plenty of insecurities of her own. It's just such a pity that we wear ours. I really really struggled with how I put so much weight back on - I was so sure and determined I wouldn't. Like you I found the post work stuff really difficult. I could eat so many carby calories between 4 and 7. Not sure why I find it so hard to halt the creeping gain before it becomes a problem.

But we are on the right path and sticking to it. We know it works. Hope you have a good weigh in tomorrow.
 
Feel v low. Probably just tired. Bloated and convinced I won't have lost because of occasional sugar free chewing gum. Glum glum glum. Will sleep and see how things look in the morning.
 
Thanks. Had a mixed night: stress dreams and woken up several times by a very sore throat (and my younger daughter, who has the same, bless her). Biiiiig presentation today, lots of meetings, then biiiiig conference call for a panel I'm on next week (exciting but also scary) then lecturing tomorrow morning...

These are the parts of my job I find interesting but they have all come at once (the panel was postponed from before Christmas) and I'm also poorly. Timing!!!

Just want to stay in bed with duvet over my head. Also got big stuff happening at work too so not sure if I will have a job beyond about six months from now.

Stressssssssss!

Oh how I want to mainline carbs at the moment and I know it has nothing to do with hunger: they are just my (effective but negative) drug of choice.

At least I'm a bit less tired than last night.

Also frustrated because my MIL booked to come down to visit Monday/Tuesday (she can't do weekends because she works then and apparently it's difficult to get time off. Given that she has holidays a few times a year I'm sceptical about this bit. Anyway). So she and her partner know I work away and have a long commute. To be fair they are quite sympathetic and understanding about the challenges.

Have to admit to being quite glad I didn't get home til 8pm the past two nights (this is quite normal) as they didn't see me either night and will I hope have got the message that I WORK LONG HOURS at the moment!!!

On the hunt for a new job, pre-emptively, in case of redundancy. Got CV polished up and back on a few agencies' radars.

Must think of something lighthearted and fun to do this weekend to balance things out!!
 
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