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Struggling again :(

I know theres people on here who are finding it difficult like me but i feel like im the only person whos not loosing any weight. I cant seem to keep myself on track at all and i know its gonna take a long time coz ive just eaten whatever ive wanted for years. I keep being really hard on myself coz i think im being a selfish mum, my son Haiden only turned 1 last wednesday and it hurts me to think he wont have me if i carry on with my bad eating habits. Please tell me theres someone on here whos struggling with their weight loss...
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:wave_cry: I am.

I have struggled with my weight since I moved to the Midlands 5 years ago. It all started with a very unhappy and emotionally/mentally abusive relationship and just spiraled from there.

I am now at a point where my weight has gone up, yet again, by about 1 1/2 stone and I am nearing 13st now.

I have a week where I eat well, go to my Zumba class etc then I just loose interest/motivation and eat what I want again - the circle then continues. This week (after a family BBQ) my partner and I were left with loads of food like processed sausage rolls, pavlova, cheesecake, gateaux which we never buy usually, but to avoid wasting it we have been eating it.

It gets harder and harder each time I try to stay on track, I just can't seem to do it for longer than a week.
At 16 I was a size 14 and almost 16 stone- I hated it then... Looking back at my pics I don't know why!
From then I slowly gained weight. A friend recommended Weight Watchers- I put on a stone! I have tried Xenical- which wrecked my stomach and the dietician said I should never have been put on them because I didn't have a high fat intake. I then tried Reductil when I weighed 124 kg and from beginning of October- Jan I had lost 20kg... My first goal was just to get below 100 kg- double figures! I was so close, 104kg!

Last June I didn't go back to the doctors because my weight loss had stopped, as if I was 'afraid to be told off' by the doctor I decided I could go it alone. BAD IDEA!

This week I am facing up to it all, I need help! I have never told anyone my weight, even my hubby. I went back to the doctors today and weighed in at 125kg. He is going to see what bloods they can take to be checked and send me to the dietician again. Fingers crossed I can reach my Christmas goal. I have told my hubby who is supporting me like an angel after a lot of my tears today! He would have always supported me but I didn't want to face up to it I guess as I was ashamed.

I have never had a high fat diet, always buy 'low fat' foods and I don't eat a lot. I exercise 3 times a week at least for 35 minutes (intense cardio)- I always watch what I eat.

So..... Sorry for going on- I suppose after finally telling my hubby I am ready to come find support and encouragement through others! Even if you weight sticks, keep trying- I wish I had! : (
I'm so frustrated. This was my first week- where you can generally expect the biggest loss? Or a decent one. I have stayed the same! This week I have been counting my calories:

Thurs: 1018
Fri: 1513
Sat: 1145
Sun: 1357
Mon: 1494
Tues: 1350
Wed: to come....

I have just noticed that it's tomorrow i should have weighed, but i'm still disappointed. I have been to the gym 3 times for 40 minutes cardio. I know I still need to up my exercise, but I still thought it would have been a loss! Grrrr!

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