Struggling with laundry/housework/kids/life etc

[big bear]

I don't expect any answers but just need to get it off my chest & I may (or not) feel better.

I've got laundry bags full of clothes to wash & it's an uphill battle. I live in a 2 bed-flat with H & 2 kids so I've got no where to dry them all. I wash loads of clothes & then they don't get dried so have to wash again...I've only so much space to dry them on the radiators/dryers but then I've a 2 year old pulling them down making a mess everywhere. At the moment there is clothes all over the place drying, there's 2 baskets of wet clothes waiting to dry & a load in the washing machine. I so need a house with a garden & washing lines.

My 2.5 year old is really going through the terrible 2's badly. He gets so wound up he punches & bites me & I'm the end of my tether. When i say no & explain why it's no etc he just slaps me & throws a strop. I can't get him to go to bed until at least 10pm (sometimes earlier) even though we're doing the whole reading book, bath etc routine.

My baby has 2 teeth cutting through & is up half the night crying, biting things etc...

I feel as if I'm a crap mother/housewife as others seem to manage with more kids or on their own. I just can't seem to get on top of things. I do have a friend up comes & does a big clean every fortnight & I try to keep it clean by tidying up every night but it's impossible with a 2 year old.

Also to top it all I'm starting a new job on Wed for 3 days a week, what the hell am I going to do if I can't even cope now.

There just seems to be no end in sight & I'm really not coping, I'm tired, ratty & being really nasty to H.

 

[boo68]

Hiya Big Bear

I've read your post and my heart goes out to you. Sounds to me that you are suffering from depression hun. There is so much help out there, that there really is no need to suffer on your own. There is no shame in feeling the way you do, why don't you make an appointment with your doc and go and talk to him.

I lost my hubby 4 years ago and to be honest after about a year, I had what you call a 'mini' breakdown, I went to the docs expecting him to poo poo me, but its the best decision I ever made. Now I did that while holding down a full time job and looking after my two kids so if your worrying about your job, please dont.

Please let us know how you get on Boo xx

 

[AnnaFaraday]

Can you get your husband to go to the nearest laundrette and tumble dry some of the washing loads?

 

[big bear]

Hiya Big Bear

I've read your post and my heart goes out to you. Sounds to me that you are suffering from depression hun. There is so much help out there, that there really is no need to suffer on your own. There is no shame in feeling the way you do, why don't you make an appointment with your doc and go and talk to him.

I lost my hubby 4 years ago and to be honest after about a year, I had what you call a 'mini' breakdown, I went to the docs expecting him to poo poo me, but its the best decision I ever made. Now I did that while holding down a full time job and looking after my two kids so if your worrying about your job, please dont.

Please let us know how you get on Boo xx

Thanks for your reply. So sorry to hear about your H, people like you amaze me & put me to shame.

I did go on anti-depressants for a while a few months back as things were too much for me but have since come off them.

I'm also worried about my wee ones when I go back to work.

I think that maybe I should just go back on the pills...

 

[big bear]

Can you get your husband to go to the nearest laundrette and tumble dry some of the washing loads?

Babe we don't drive & the nearest laundrette is a bit away. I suppose he could take it on the bus...I'll speak to him & see if he'll do that.

 

[boo68]

Thanks for your reply. So sorry to hear about your H, people like you amaze me & put me to shame.

I did go on anti-depressants for a while a few months back as things were too much for me but have since come off them.

I'm also worried about my wee ones when I go back to work.

I think that maybe I should just go back on the pills...

Maybe you just need someone to talk to, the pills don't work unless you have the back up of therapy hun xx Boo

 

[Lily42uk]

Hi hun, I can so sympathise with you, although my girls are both now grown women thankfully, but like you I couldn't cope and went on pills ....but please please take the advice and go to docs they can help so much, I didn't take that advice and ended up having a massive breakdown and putting on more and more weight and also nearly lost my job because of it..thankfully my employers were my local borough council and they spotted the signs ..but please don't worry about the little things. As for your laundry at the time I too was living in a 2 bed flat and how we overcame the laundry problem was buying an indoor line that we hung over the bath as high as a shower curtain pole would go and let the clothes dry off in there ...you can get them (as i did) with 3 or 4 lines so there is plenty of room to hang clothes...
Chin up hun , hope you feel better soon and don't you worry about getting things off your chest better to let it out than bottle it up take care and gl xxxx

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Everyone "might" seem to cope, but the reality for most people is much like yours! You only have so many hours in the day and you are doing the best you can! Its not easy with 2 little ones, I can tell you, especially not if you are depressed and dealing with stuff on your own a lot of the time.

But they wont be little for ever and the practical side of things will get easier as they become more independant.

Get your little boy involved with the day to day stuff, loading the washing machine, hanging up the clothes etc. Do it while your baba is having a sleep, and make it part of your one-to-one time with him. Once the jobs are done, read him a story, or play with him, and give him endless praise for helping mummy and being a big clever boy. This phase will pass, he is just adjusting to his new position in the house, which is not "sole-owner of all mummys attention" any more.

Do the stuff you can do, and dont worry about the things you cant! You dont need a perfect home, and you dont need everything spotless. Just do the essentials and do other jobs as and when you can. Ask H to take them both to the park for a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday so you can catch up with a bit of the stuff that needs doing.

And dont give yourself such a hard time! No-one is perfect, and babies and little ones are little for such a short time. Give yourself a break, its hard being all things to all people. And most importantly, now and again, take half an hour for yourself, where you can chill, have a bath, listen to some music and unwind, whatever it is you used to like doing before all the washing and baths and playing took over. You need that time to recharge, it is as vital as anything else you think is important.

Hugs xxx

 

[peggypig]

I really feel for you sometimes it is so hard trying to keep on top of everything and there are never enough hours in the day. Could your husband do anymore to help? There is only me and H and I get really ratty with him and myself when the housework is piling up I dont seem to cope with it as well as I used to. I hope you can sort things out .

 

[Maximus]

Yes, Big Bear, as Peggypig just mentioned, can Poppa Bear not step up to the plate?

Apologies if that sounds a naive answer, but I assume we all take it for granted he is. I appreciate he works full time too, but I'm sure he'd like to help out more if he knows you're struggling.

I'm sure as mentioned you're not alone in this - remainds me of how serene a swan or duck looks on the river, but underneath the water is furious peddling unseen to anyone!

You're all super-women in my book, and despite rumours to the contrary, most blokes have a caring side - granted we hide it so well

Steve

 

[big bear]

I really feel for you sometimes it is so hard trying to keep on top of everything and there are never enough hours in the day. Could your husband do anymore to help? There is only me and H and I get really ratty with him and myself when the housework is piling up I dont seem to cope with it as well as I used to. I hope you can sort things out .

H helps when he can, he works nights so when he gets home in the morning he either does up the dishes/maybe puts on a wash/plays with wee ones but then he goes to bed about midday as he's shattered & works long hours (does lots of overtime).

The laundry is endless with 2 little ones.

I think that maybe by going back to work it may help as it'll get me back to adult company even if the housework piles up!

Maybe with my 1st wage I'll get a tumble dryer

 

[tillymax]

Please don't look at others and think they are coping. We all do that and then immediately feel like failures. The washing line over the bath sounds like a good idea.
Kids don't come with instruction books - only you know what works for your family.
Also there is a differnce between a dirty home and a lived in home and yours sounds to be the latter. When the kids are grown up they will remember the fun and games you played with them rather than the house being spotless.
You will be worried about the new job and that is probably making every thing else seem ten times worse than normal.
You are doing a good job - remember that.

 

[SaraC]

HI BB,

I work fulltime and have a terrible 2 year old too (although she is just about coming out of the constant tantrums) so I know what you mean about trying to keep on top of everything, we have a tumble drier as we too have a tiny house (with no central heating) so that's the only way we can dry our clothes. I read this poem when she was little so I thought I share it with you (I don't know who wrote it or I would credit them):

I hope that my child,
Looking back on today
Will remember a mother
Who had time to play;
Because children grow up
While you’re not looking,
There are years ahead
For cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep.
I’m nursing my baby,
And babies don’t keep.

 

[Shirleen]

All the above is great advice, have you got a Sure Start near you? Try popping in to see them and be honest about how hard it is for you.
You may need to lower your standards a little. We do not have it all sorted and everyone has things they wish they did better.

Leave your big washes bedlinen/towels for one day that you can take it to the laundrette, treat it as a game with your 2 year old, with books and games.

Tantrums, the only thing that works is ignoring them, hard but it's the only way hun!

Wishing you all the best x

 

[Roziee]

I'd take lily's advise about the washing line over the bath... I live in a one bed flat and I hang my washing by putting them on hangers and hanging them on the curtain rail and open the windows wide open! Do u have a balcony? I make to do lists which has always been my saviour. I can't work without them.

X

 

[kerry b]

I hope that my child,
Looking back on today
Will remember a mother
Who had time to play;
Because children grow up
While you’re not looking,
There are years ahead
For cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep.
I’m nursing my baby,
And babies don’t keep.




Almost the same:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow;
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
...I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!".


A 2yr old is completely exhausting and you have a baby as well. I take my hat off to you! I only have the 1 child and I struggle to keep on top of things. You are doing your best to keep things nice for your family but sometimes we expect too much from ourselves. As the poem above suggests dust and cobwbs will always be there. Go easy on yourself, a bit of untidiness isnt going to hurt anyone.

It sounds like you are exhausted as well as depressed. Can anyone help out with the kids even for an hour? If your son is going to bed late when do you get time for you? Have you tried putting him to bed at whatever you think is reasonable time, read stories etc then leave him with a pile of books to look at while he unwinds? I know no matter how hard I try to calm things down at bedtime my son just gets more and more hyper. We had weeks of carry-on at bed time and one night I just stopped reading to him, handed him a book and said " look at your book until you are tired". He looked at nearly every book we have and finally lay down happily when he was ready. He didnt go to bed any earlier but i got to put my feet up and relax while he unwound ( he was almost 3 when I did this).

Really hope things get better for you hun. Being a Mum is the hardest job in the world but I bet you are brilliant at it:family2:

 

[Leapfrog]

I've nothing but admiration for people who are parents! I'm not (through choice) and I work from home but I don't have time for everything and there's just 2 of us and 2 cats. I couldn't possibly fit children into my life too. And you should see the dust and cobwebs!

Excellent advice here, as always. Go easier on yourself. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. xx