Suddenly surrounded by experts

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by cocktailprincess, 1 June 2010 Social URL.

  1. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    I have been very low-key about my weight loss to those around me and am even now pretty embarressed when someone comments on it, but just lately I get grilled ALL THE TIME by people who want to know if I eat enough, wanting to know exactly how much I eat, telling me I have gone far enough now and basically treating me as if I have some sort of problem.

    I have found myself trying to justify my behaviour and even lying about what I eat and how often I exercise because of the dissaproval if I say I did a workout that morning "But you've already done 2 this week! Don't you think that's enough?" or if I didn't eat crap "why didn't you have any pizza? You just ate a bowl of pasta and some salad? Are you not taking this too far?" or if I won't indulge all the time "Why aren't you drinking/having dessert/having seconds? You're not becoming anorexic are you?"

    WTF?????? I know these people would say they are showing concern BUT isn't this the wrong way around???
    When I was morbidly obese and 19 stone and got out of breath going up the stairs no-one ever mentioned it. I was killing myself slowly and I never once heard someone say then "don't you think you have done enough now?"- and obvioulsy this would have been upsetting and I wouldn't have listened anyway. But why do people now feel the need to lecture me on health?

    I am now the fittest I have been in my adult life- I do a range of cardiovascular and strength training exercises that have toned my body and make my skin glow and make me feel alive and full of energy.
    I eat a healthier more varied diet than anyone I know, ensuring I get the right portions of wholegrains, veg, protein, calcium carbs and good oil every day/week
    I am 11 stone 9 and a size 12, so hardly some tiny waif!

    Don't you think it weird that when you finally have success in improving your health and overcoming your issues your friends show concern that you might be becoming unhealthy? Why is everyone all of a sudden such an expert and why do they also feel entitled to lecture me on my (very positive) lifestyle choices?

    Grrrrrr!
     
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  3. Scanbran

    Scanbran Stupid Member

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    I'm sure a psychologist would have great fun explaining why people do this :D

    I imagine it is a fear of change, and perhaps you are changing too much for some people's liking.
    Jealousy might also come into it for some, whoc might have been quite happy for you to have been overweight while they took centre-stage, but now it's the other way round?
    For other people it will be genuine concern, but if they could see the way you eat 24/7, their fears would probably be allayed.

    The strange thing is, I'm getting the 'don't go too far' comments now when I've still got four stones to go! :eek:

    It's natural, and to have so many people commenting just means you have loads of people who care about you or who are interested in you - a good thing in my opinion.
     
  4. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    A few years back now, I lost nearly 9 stone, went from 21st down to 12stish, and there was one particular friend who REALLY didnt like it. He was very unsettled with me changing and really wasnt happy when I was thin, even though he acknowledged I looked good, he didnt think it was "me" any more.

    I conversely was always embarrassed when we went out together, because he was 5ft4 and rakishly thin, where as I was 6ft1 and built like the Michelin Man on steroids *well, thats what it felt like by comparison*.

    Anyway, they are just unused to you in your happier and healthier form, perhaps even a little insecure in themselves, maybe they dont make the sort of effort that you do. Maybe even a little jealous of your success and trying to knock you back down.

    Bottom line though, it matters not one iota what they think of you, then or now, and only what YOU think of you. If you know deep down that you are happy and healthy, then what they say and their feelings about it matter not one iota.
     
  5. Woodsylou

    Woodsylou Silver Member

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    i really feel for you, i know exactly what you mean and it's sooooooooooooo frustrating. I dont' have an answer, but i feel for you. you're doing SOOOOOOOOO well, well done you *hugs*
     
  6. Going2be*fab*at40

    Going2be*fab*at40 Silver Member

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    Oh CP - so sorry to read your post.
    I personally think that Scanbran has hit the nail on the head - fear of change.

    You look different, you are almost certainly acting with more confidence and you are in control of your life. Some people around you may be worrying that you are going to change into a totally different person and they wont recognise you.

    Their comments say more about their own fears than about you....but I do appreciate that you have to listen to them.

    My mil means well, but she keeps saying things like "we're not going to go any lower now, are we" - where is the "we" in my weight loss journey - I ask you?!!!

    It drives me a little mad, but I know that she has seen big changes in me.

    At the end of the day, you know what is right for you. Noone else can be the judge of that. So carry on and take the comments with a little pinch of salt.
    x
     
  7. Purple_Star

    Purple_Star Silver Member

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    Perhaps I am naive, but I actually genuinely believe these people care, and are actually concerned rather than jealous! This happened to me a lot, and I also found myself lying about my weightloss and excercise routine, some weeks I lost large amounts eg 4lbs, and when ,y family asked I told them I lost 2lbs because I knew they would be worried.

    It is easy to get obsessed and take things too far, and I do think people worry. I also think they worry that by 'depriving' ourselves we will end up giving up and putting the weight back on. No one seems to believe me when I say that I really don't ever feel deprived because I still eat what I fancy, but that my tastes have changed now. I have no interest whatsoever in eating fried food anymore!
     
  8. Purple_Star

    Purple_Star Silver Member

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    Sorry, meant to add that you need to try and ignore it and be proud of yourself :)

    However, a nurse recently said to me that its important to listen to the people that you really trust, and if they tell you they think you have lost enough then to listen to them - because its hard for us to really see how we actually look!! So I have decided to take my mums opinion on my size to heart, and no one elses!
     
  9. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    Felt a bit wierd yesterday as a friend was saying "oh you're a size 14 now and you're the same as me...I need to be smaller than you". I know there are feelings of being happy for me, but at the same time I notice some competition. May be something similar in your case.
    Nonetheless, I personally would just answer back and say "Thanks for your concern, but I'm personally happy with my new lifestyle".
     
  10. ravylesley

    ravylesley Member

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    Nothing brings the worst out in women more than one of their friends/relatives losing loads of weight and looking damned good with it.It makes them uncomfortable especially if they are overweight too as it makes them address the issue of whether indeed they should follow your lead and lose the wobble.Having lost 5 stone myself I get all sorts of nasty comments from the other women in the schoolyard but I just smile politely and agree with anything they say and then do exactly what I want

    Lesleyxx
     
  11. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Thanks guys- it's so nice to get a balanced view from people on here who understand.

    I do get that (most) people are acting in some way out of love, and that is nice. I guess the bit that baffles me is that when I was very, very unhealthy no-one mentioned it and now I am very very healthy everyone sees it as their business to lecture me

    You gorgeous guys always make me feel better xxxx
     
  12. Devon Dolce

    Devon Dolce 1lb at a time!

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    All been said CP but didn't want to read and run xxx
     
  13. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    I get this at the moment Hun. Gone from 21 stone 7lbs to 13 stone 0.5lbs and everyone keeps telling me that its enough. I dont think so. I would like to loose another 3 stone, but Im willing to compromise and get to 12 stone before I decide completely. Im just fed up of my MIL pointing out that I dont have any boobs! All weekend I have had her telling me that I have nothing on top, or not big etc and its beginning to get on my nerves!
    People do mean well, but if you suddenly go from being big to small they do start to think the worst, its human nature. Just accept what is being said, but just do what you are happy and comfortable with as long as its safe.

    xxx
     
  14. evilpenguin

    evilpenguin Not evil at all

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    I can't believe how many people think they can control someone elses diet and lifestyle! It's so rude. As everyone has said just ignore them and be proud of what you have achieved! xxxxx
     
  15. Woodsylou

    Woodsylou Silver Member

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    NO WAY?!??! I can't believe she said that, how sad is she?! i hope you replied 'not going to happen now love'! i can't believe someone said that!
     
  16. moomintrolljen

    moomintrolljen Will be thin god dammit!!

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    People can be so nasty can't they, I would personally be delighted for anyone who managed to get to target ( im actually in awe of them!)
    You are my inspiration CP!!!!
     
  17. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    Yes she did and I was just smiling and she kept joking saying "if you get to a size 10, I've got to be in an 8".
    She said other great things yesterday, but these just caught me a bit off guard.
    I gave her the SW website and told her where the nearest one is so she will probably give it a go as well.

    Her husband also tells her she needs to lose weight and I think he keeps saying about how great I look, so may have something to do with it.

    Well it doesn't put me off, gives me more motivation :)
     
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  19. Purple_Star

    Purple_Star Silver Member

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    Well I think that proves I am naive in assuming people aren't jealous!!!! Thats wild lol, I guess some people are afraid that suddenly the tables will be turned, and they will be the 'fat friend'!!!!

    Grrrrr, makes me mad!!!
     
  20. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    I guess having a fat friend is a nice easy boost to someone's self esteem- a sure fire way of feeling better because at least there is someone worse off than you. Then when the fat friend changes the dynamics by losing weight the other person has their self-esteem knocked..........and we are in the firing line!
     
  21. Purple_Star

    Purple_Star Silver Member

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    Well put!!! I guess its sad but true!!!
     
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