sukies path into management and beyond

[sukie sue]

:wave_cry: bye bye abstinence ,
hello scary world of food .
started management yesterday evening after deciding im feeling too bony and i really dont want to loose an extra 8lb before management ( and any losses i might get with that).
so here i am , not as terrified as last night when faced with my first peice of real food in 19 weeks, but apprehensive to say the least , but hey !!! im possetive , moivated and feeling fine
so i will endeavor to update my diary daily and try to give as much info and motivation that i have got from those who have gone bravely before me
(aj, tootsie and all the rest you know who you are )

so last night ...
decided if i was doing this 'eating thing' again i would do it right and make it count so , i laid the table ( for 1),put out my cutlery and folded a napkin ala french women dont get fat, i was determined to make this first foray into the scary world of solids memorable and right.
i sat in total silence on my big table slowly eating a piece of oven baked cod fillet with ground pepper, mmm it was good i guess , tasted devine but it kindof killed the mystique of food that you tend to get when abstaining and that was a little sad:cry: . but i braved it and caried on ,
think i managed about 40 gramms before stopping thinking i was full . like you aj i told myself i could go back if needed , but within no time i realise id had enough.
stilll felt full at 10 when i needed to have bar and hot chocolate but i must admit i did enjoy eating them curled up on the sofa , it felt almost treat like , but too much so today i had my toffe nut bar for brekkie .
went to bed chilled and not so scared anymore,(by god my tummy wasnt half protesting though)

 

[sukie sue]

ooooo
forgot about today,
well i managed to get a shop in withut my little one so it was peacefull and i enjoyed buying food for me, weird but fun !!!

so i decided to be organised and ignore any tempatations that may arrise , but it was pretty cool as id come prepared with a list of proteins and salads (from tomorrow on)and a big long list of fresh and dried herbs and spices, like i said , im making it count !!!
got some
mixed seafood
turkey steaks
lucious looking raw king prawns

also bought a selection of dressings to try, but will also try making some myself.

so im set for the week , i have salmon and chicken at home already so i think ive a good selection to play with this week
so today

breakfast was just a black coffee as i wanted to enjoy my toffee nut bar in peace (no chance under the watchfull eye of issa) so i waited toget to work and enjoyed a mocha (half chocolate pack , 40ml water sweetener and coffee )and my bar, figured id get into the habit of having that as breakfast until i can have fruit / yogurt ect.

lunch was my usual half pack of vanilla made into a decaf vanilla late.

and tonight for the 1st time in forever i sat with issa and had dinner, while not as refined as last night , much more enjoyable.
i took my leftover cod and dry fried it in my teflon wok with a little of the mixed seafood to warm through, i added a little ll savour flavouring with water just to moisten it , it was a little of a miss mash tryout but i have to say i really did enjoy every bite, again i left some and threw it but i do feel i had a little too much today as im a little uncomfortable but luckily not stuffed.
my tummy is giving it what for !!!
so now i just have my hot chocolate to have tonight while i chill and then im off to bed , hubbys way so life is a little on the dull side till june !!
well at least i can dream about my cup of tea WITH MILK!!!! in the morning aaaaahhhhhh xxx

 

[Sez]

Thanks for starting this thread. I really enjoy reading all the management threads, as I too am already worried about what will happen when I start eating again, in the very distant future.

I am only on week 5, but at the mo I have not even entertained that I might not "get there", even tho I have soooo many stone to lose. This I find utterly amazing.

Pease do keep posting, I promise to keep reading!

 

[sukie sue]

thanks sez,
i too followed all the management threads and found them so inspring so i felt i too woud like to contrbute to others successes, i know i couldnt have done this without mini mimms and all who ride in her .

well i woke at 6.15 today to a geat deal of worry and oh my godding!!!!! tummy feels a little bloated and i just lay there thinking,maybey i have done the wrong thing ! Maybey its too early !! MAYBEY I NEED TO JUST STAY ON FOOD PACKS FORVER!!!!! I KNOW SAD HEAD !but i think i feel that protectice cocoon of abstinance bubble wrap slipping away, you know , stick with it and you will loose, this is the unknown again , SCARY!!!!
i do feel possetive and in control but , i think the knowlege that continued big losses are a thing of the past is quite scary (even though i feel i am happy this size!!) oh the female species how contrary we are
well on that note im off to glug some H2o and a lovely white tea , the 1st since nov!!

 

[katie_oxo]

Sue thanks so much for posting this - I find the management diaries really intersting and as you said inspiring, plus they give you a glimpse to your future and what to expect when the time comes to start management etc.

Good luck with it and I hope the bloatedness eases for you soon.

Cath

 

[Sez]

mmmm..... One thing I really really miss is a splash of milk in my tea and coffee! Mind you, my caffiene intake is much reduced, so its a positive side effect, I guess!

Keep going! Hope tum is better soon.

 

[sukie sue]

thanks girls:jelous: not feeling too bad now
well had a vanilla shake for a late lunch after my yummy brekkie of toffe nut bar ad real tea!!!!!!
wandered rounfd the shops and got some gorgeous new jeans from river island SIZE12!!!! (for that i can deal with tummy issues )
oo guests have arrived will post more later
suexx

 

[AmandaJayne]

Welcome to the Club Sukie!!

Read the post about you feeling a bit bloated, this will past in a couple of days, it's just your stomach getting used to food again.

I've really enjoyed reading about your experiences Sukie, it is so helpful for people who are still doing Foundation, and it is interesting too for people who are already doing Management.

Isn't it great to shop at 'normal' shops and buy 'normal' size clothes that actually look good, and make you feel good too?

Sez - I don't drink coffee with milk any more now out of choice. I am so used to not having milk, I just haven't gone back to it!

Also, don't worry about the future, it'll take care of itself.

Katie - it won't be long before we are reading about YOUR management experiences!

 

[katie_oxo]

Cheers AJ - I hope it won't be too long either

Cath

 

[sukie sue]

Welcome to the Club Sukie!!

Read the post about you feeling a bit bloated, this will past in a couple of days, it's just your stomach getting used to food again.

I've really enjoyed reading about your experiences Sukie, it is so helpful for people who are still doing Foundation, and it is interesting too for people who are already doing Management.

Isn't it great to shop at 'normal' shops and buy 'normal' size clothes that actually look good, and make you feel good too?

Sez - I don't drink coffee with milk any more now out of choice. I am so used to not having milk, I just haven't gone back to it!

Also, don't worry about the future, it'll take care of itself.

Katie - it won't be long before we are reading about YOUR management experiences!

hi aj
not feeling too bad today
thank god , soo glad to be on final path to maintenance , i just hope i can stay as focused as you have, you really do seem to have it down pat.
wel done you !!!!

 

[sukie sue]

right back to last night (uest didnt leave till late and one freind stayed!!!
had a lovely salad of rocket, watercress and spinach leaves with a little fat free dressing to try (think i prefer the lovely peppery taste plain)
made some fab king prawns in garlic , dry freid them with water and id marinated some salmon fillets the night before so cooked them in morning and left too cool, so i had a small ammount of the slamon and some prawns with the salad , was fab!!!!
i ate most of it actually and really enjoyed it , didnt feel as bad as i thught post salad so that was a possetive. finished my day with a lovely hot chocolate and gluggs of water before bed ,all in all a good day
im suprised to feel this wel , i expected to feel worse so not too bad , and i seem to be still loosing a little , not suprising really given how low the calorific intake is ,
i think part of my fear stating management was that i would loose control of the weight coming off and just look at food (healthy or not ) and gain weight, so i guess we kind of get into the mindset of stay abstinent and loose weight , lapse and gain . make your choice , but of course there is another choice !!! healthy balanced eating for life !!!!
(there ends my sunday sermon )
well taking little un and nephews to maryport aquarium so better go and make a good day of it
happy mothers day to all

 

[AmandaJayne]

Hia Sukie,

Mmmmm, loved your description of the prawns and salmon!

"...im suprised to feel this wel , i expected to feel worse so not too bad , and i seem to be still loosing a little , not suprising really given how low the calorific intake is ,
i think part of my fear stating management was that i would loose control of the weight coming off and just look at food (healthy or not ) and gain weight, so i guess we kind of get into the mindset of stay abstinent and loose weight , lapse and gain . make your choice , but of course there is another choice !!! healthy balanced eating for life !!!!

Don't knock it, enjoy it Sukie. hahaha.

I have thought long and hard about the new eating regime I am developing. There have been no temptations to binge at all - why not, I am wondering?

Is it because my triggers have been absent for so many months? My trigger is sugar, I am sure, in all its forms. Week 12 introduces sugar and other snacks. I don't want to even try a piece of chocolate or a biscuit, I am scared it will open the floodgates and lead to a binge. Maybe not straight away, but sometime, inevitably.

You mention getting into the mindset to stay abstinent - I am there at the moment, but what would happen if I ate a trigger food? Like an alcoholic, would it lead to more and more?

Perhaps I need to trust myself more.

Hope you had a good time at the aquarium!

 

[sukie sue]

morning aj
the aquarium was great thanks issa really enjoyed it, infact so much i bought a years pass ,might as well pass time doing things she loves away from the tv ect,
my biggest fear is having my daughter struggle like me , so even though shes not yet 2 (till april11th , aaaargh scary !!!)shes out and about like a real go getter .
had a graet day all round and didnt mind one bit not eating the mothers day afternoon tea we all went to after , just enjoyed my cups of tea and the atmosphere of 3 generations making conersation and memories XXXX

 

[sukie sue]

well just had dinner and im all a quandry,
been back at work today and feeling just so uegh, dont know ifits this whle mental issue im having with the worry of over eating or other stuff but feeling like a misreable old cow!!!:cry:
ha two half pack vanilla coffees for lunch and had my bar for brekkie with a gorgoues cup of tea .
lots of water still going down , im enjoying it .
feeling in a right funk this evening , had to have new passport pics done for renewal so got them and i look so sad ??? i look good but sad !!got me thinking as to why i feel so very low and im really stuck for answers, i know im struggling mentall with the los of abstinence right now but surely it cant be that bad ???
ive also had a letter from my gp as we went to talk to him regarding my chance of relapse of pre eclampsia since looing all this weight as it was high due to the earlyness and severity of it with issa, anyway he kind of poopood it and said i sould go and have more kids ect but if i wanted he wld refer me to my specialist, anyway i got a letter back ( backtracking no less) with the news that my risk is still greater than 50% of the same thing happening, maybey worse maybey better but very pessimistic anyway , so basically i can now no longer have children without risking mine and the babies life, thats something my husband simply cant go through again ,so that has left me reeling as much as being told that my womb was stolen while i was'nt looking
and im now unable to have more kids. :cry:
you know im crying on and off ut feel ok in between so how do i feel ???????
oh my mind is in a reel !
so sorry guys im rambling about such nonsence,i think ill go away and have a snuffle and finish up later as this is soooo not related

 

[AmandaJayne]

Oh Sukie, it's horrible news about not being able to have more children. Although I don't want any more, I would be very upset if I found out that due to some medical problem I COULDN'T have any more - the door would then be shut fast against me.

If you're not careful, you could let this overpower you and threaten your weight-loss achievements, your relationship with hubby, your mental health. Please go back to see gp and ask for help with coping with this huge, devestating piece of news.

I will be thinking of you, Sukie...

 

[sukie sue]

hi aj
thanks for your kind words of advice,
im feeling a little brighter again today , but i am off to the docs now for a bp check now so i will ask to see someone in the near future to talk this through,
will post more later

 

[Vorlina]

We're all thinking of you, Sukie - one of the great things about this forum is that we don't have to always talk weight - we're here for anything else as well.

Wishing you all the best in your GP chat

Vee

 

[sukie sue]

aaah thanks allot ,
i do feel much better today , didnt post last night as i was in newcastle watching lionel richie ,good night , made me smile
didnt get to bed till 2 as it was after one when i got back to whaven then chilled with choc pack before bed, i had my meal at lunch though before going , i made the chili chicken double amounts the night before had it then yum!!!! and also had it for lunch at work yesterday , totally fab!!!
week 2 tomorrow so low fat yogs ooooooh mmmmm and some extra veg choices , love mangetout and peppers so bring it on !!!
going to make tandori chicken from ww switch book , sounds divine , ill take it with riata to a friends house friday when they are all having curry, so looking forward to that ,ive lost a little more weight and am down to 10.6 so thats encouraging but most of all im feeling good in myself , spent 220 pounds in topshop today phlll to the budget , i have no clothes!!! (well i do now )
got some lovely undies from anne summers party delivered today 10-12 niks and 36c bra god i looked pretty damn ok , im sure oh will think its mighty fine come may 23rd when we go to see him
well its late and im off to bed to chilland read a little from my blue book and imagine my tzatsiki dip tomorrow OMG !!!!!! could i be anymore exited !!! ????

 

[Joolz]

Sukiesue its lovely to read your diary as I am just a head of you in Managment (half way through Week 2). glad you are feeling better and have had a splurge at the shops. nothing like a bit of retail therapy is there!!
The food choices are better this week - having crudities and home made tzatziki is a highlight for me (munch away at work) as is sugar free jelly and a spoon of v low fat yog for dessert.
Good luck in the days ahead.

 

[AmandaJayne]

Ha ha Sukie, who would have thought we would go into raptures about yoghurt!

Glad to see that you are feeling better, long may it continue.

AJ