... but not because I am sad!!
DH suggested this morngin that I should go and buy myself some new clothes (which means I must have looked really hideous in my old lot as this is a very rare offer...)
So while out birthday present shopping for my youngest, who will be 2 on Sunday, I went past one of those massiv NEXT stores, which had a sale on. I normally would have never ever even considered buying anything in NEXT as was never able to, but spured on by all my size 18 clothes getting way to big I thought I will just have a look and maybe buy something I can slim into.
Now the exciting bit... after endlesslly picking up size 18's, only to put them back again I finally picked up some size 16 jeans and tops thinking I better try them on just to see how long before I can fit into them. So 3 kids and all into the changing rooms I went, preparing myself for the obvious, only to find that not only could I get those size 16's over my hips and belly, I could actually DO THEM UP. I very nearly screamed the place down, my daugther looking at me as though I had gone mad but who cares.
and finally for the tearful bit.., I just tried all those lovely new clothes (oh, bought a bra as well) on again at home, and this is when it hit me that I hadn't been this size since I was 15, I don't know but I think I am upset, angry, scared and happy all at the same time. ANgry at all the years I lost spending thinking I will always be fat, happy because obviously I have found a way of changing that and scared because I don't want to put the weight back on again and because I have still such a long way to go, I don't even know what I will look like, feel like when I get there. It's all very confusing at the moment, and I think I have a lot of finding myself to do .
Can't wait though to show off my new clothes to DH tonight
DH suggested this morngin that I should go and buy myself some new clothes (which means I must have looked really hideous in my old lot as this is a very rare offer...)
So while out birthday present shopping for my youngest, who will be 2 on Sunday, I went past one of those massiv NEXT stores, which had a sale on. I normally would have never ever even considered buying anything in NEXT as was never able to, but spured on by all my size 18 clothes getting way to big I thought I will just have a look and maybe buy something I can slim into.
Now the exciting bit... after endlesslly picking up size 18's, only to put them back again I finally picked up some size 16 jeans and tops thinking I better try them on just to see how long before I can fit into them. So 3 kids and all into the changing rooms I went, preparing myself for the obvious, only to find that not only could I get those size 16's over my hips and belly, I could actually DO THEM UP. I very nearly screamed the place down, my daugther looking at me as though I had gone mad but who cares.
and finally for the tearful bit.., I just tried all those lovely new clothes (oh, bought a bra as well) on again at home, and this is when it hit me that I hadn't been this size since I was 15, I don't know but I think I am upset, angry, scared and happy all at the same time. ANgry at all the years I lost spending thinking I will always be fat, happy because obviously I have found a way of changing that and scared because I don't want to put the weight back on again and because I have still such a long way to go, I don't even know what I will look like, feel like when I get there. It's all very confusing at the moment, and I think I have a lot of finding myself to do .
Can't wait though to show off my new clothes to DH tonight