Laura Croft
Happily maintaining
I am going through one of those realisations about how many years I've spent tucked away stuffing my face with food that I didn't even like and denying myself a life' moment.
Now first up, I'm not beating myself up or regretting the past. What has happened has happened blah blah blah and the best thing I can do is make the most of this moment in time blah blah blah BUT
I'm still sad. Why did I treat myself so badly? I know this was years of self-abuse basically and at the time, I didnt' see it as abuse. It was comfort.
I've missed out on a lot of friendships, i've isolated myself so much, I'm lonely ie would like to be in a relationship but don't want to be, if that makes sense and I've just held myself back so much.
This has all been triggered by helping a friend for her upcoming marriage. We are the same age, very similar in our goals etc but she's happy, she's settled, financially she hasn't wasted money on food etc etc. And comparing others outsides compared to our insides isnt' good but it's just being realistic about where I am, and I think it is healthy to take a benchmark because how otherwise will I see what I need to
improve. I'm also not looking forward to going to this wedding as a singleton.
You know it's easy to say things happen for a reason. I'm a big believer in life teaching you lessons and if you don't learn them the first, second, third etc etc they'll come back and bite you on the arse.
And I also like the analogy of us seeing the underside of the tapestry and a Higher Power of some sort being able to see what a beautiful picture it is. Ie things may look ugly right now but it all fits together ... somehow.
Now I really believe all that BUT I also believe we need to be the person we are designed to be, and that's the bit that makes me sad. I've stopped myself for so long from being that person.
I guess it'd help to hear from others that feel like they've wasted time too. If you want to tell me a 'and I lived happily ever after story', I'd love to hear that too.
Now first up, I'm not beating myself up or regretting the past. What has happened has happened blah blah blah and the best thing I can do is make the most of this moment in time blah blah blah BUT
I'm still sad. Why did I treat myself so badly? I know this was years of self-abuse basically and at the time, I didnt' see it as abuse. It was comfort.
I've missed out on a lot of friendships, i've isolated myself so much, I'm lonely ie would like to be in a relationship but don't want to be, if that makes sense and I've just held myself back so much.
This has all been triggered by helping a friend for her upcoming marriage. We are the same age, very similar in our goals etc but she's happy, she's settled, financially she hasn't wasted money on food etc etc. And comparing others outsides compared to our insides isnt' good but it's just being realistic about where I am, and I think it is healthy to take a benchmark because how otherwise will I see what I need to
improve. I'm also not looking forward to going to this wedding as a singleton.
You know it's easy to say things happen for a reason. I'm a big believer in life teaching you lessons and if you don't learn them the first, second, third etc etc they'll come back and bite you on the arse.
And I also like the analogy of us seeing the underside of the tapestry and a Higher Power of some sort being able to see what a beautiful picture it is. Ie things may look ugly right now but it all fits together ... somehow.
Now I really believe all that BUT I also believe we need to be the person we are designed to be, and that's the bit that makes me sad. I've stopped myself for so long from being that person.
I guess it'd help to hear from others that feel like they've wasted time too. If you want to tell me a 'and I lived happily ever after story', I'd love to hear that too.