klairbear
Full Member
Well, I am sure there will be some who remember me. I am ashamed to admit that I am returning yet again. For those who don't, here is a brief introduction.
My name in KB, I am almost 32 years old and have been overweight since childhood, when I mistakingly thought food and being big would stop my uncle and his friends hurting me. Food and eating was something I had control over in an almost powerless life. I have yo yo dieted since college, however without success. Food still equaled protection, a source of safety. Not even my dad dying of a heart attack stopped me eating, instead I used it as an excuse, a comfort. Nearly five years ago I disclosed for the first time, told my story. However my issues with food became worse, I developed a binge eating disorder and severe depression. It is only in the last 12 months where I feel I am working on the effects of the trauma and believing that what happened to me was not my fault. And the shame has shifted from the abuse, to that which I do have control over - my weight.
I want to say I am returning to slimming world to try and lose weight. However, try means that I can fail. "I really tried but I couldn't help eating that cake." And there is the word 'but'. I have done training about the language people use, and everything in front of but usually means bullshit!
So I am not going to say try, I am not going to say but. I am going to say I am committed, I am determined. Because I now have what I thought I had lost - the will to live, and the belief that I deserve to be happy.
Wheww that was a long post, those who have read it through thank you. I hope you visit again
My name in KB, I am almost 32 years old and have been overweight since childhood, when I mistakingly thought food and being big would stop my uncle and his friends hurting me. Food and eating was something I had control over in an almost powerless life. I have yo yo dieted since college, however without success. Food still equaled protection, a source of safety. Not even my dad dying of a heart attack stopped me eating, instead I used it as an excuse, a comfort. Nearly five years ago I disclosed for the first time, told my story. However my issues with food became worse, I developed a binge eating disorder and severe depression. It is only in the last 12 months where I feel I am working on the effects of the trauma and believing that what happened to me was not my fault. And the shame has shifted from the abuse, to that which I do have control over - my weight.
I want to say I am returning to slimming world to try and lose weight. However, try means that I can fail. "I really tried but I couldn't help eating that cake." And there is the word 'but'. I have done training about the language people use, and everything in front of but usually means bullshit!
So I am not going to say try, I am not going to say but. I am going to say I am committed, I am determined. Because I now have what I thought I had lost - the will to live, and the belief that I deserve to be happy.
Wheww that was a long post, those who have read it through thank you. I hope you visit again
