The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[White Tulip]

I've already posted a few 'moments' from my first week here and had my first weigh in today with an incredible loss of 14 pounds!

I have 12 stone (well, now 11 stone ) to lose and CD is really the end of the line diet wise, the only next step is a gastric band and the thought of any kind of surgery terrifies me. I've tried everything over the years, literally everthing and always said I would never do CD but I think secretly I was saying 'I couldn't give up food'.

I hit 40 last month and it really hurt I had real issues with it.

My weight issues started at 14 and grew from there until food became my utter and complete addiction and emotional crutch. It's been my friend, my enemy, my comforter.

My OH finds me physically off-putting (and he admits it) and my self esteem over the years has been on the floor.

I decided to give CD a go and utterly take all food out of my diet by doing SS as I can't stop at 1 digestive or 1 spoon of rice on other diets. I didn't eat huge evening meals but I would eat 2 or 3 chocolate bars between meals and lunch would be a wrap, chocolate and a pasty. Rarely had breakfast but could happily eat a huge plate of bacon sandwiches if put in front of me.

My weight is affecting my health, however much I try to say it isn't. My already damaged back hurts, my knee is painful every day. I huff and puff everywhere and have no energy.

However.........the last 7 days has been somewhat of a revelation. I have no idea why I have found it 'easy'. I thought I would have either eaten a mountain of chocolate following a bad day or gone to the shop and eaten biscuits secretly until the whole packet was gone.

I haven't....it's been a bit hard in the period after work, but I am going to get some Golden Vegetable flavouring for week 3 so I can have some hot weak 'soup' in the time before getting home and dinner.

I think a diary will help me and if I update at this time of day it will help distract from the hunger I feel after work.

For losing a stone, I have just ordered a Pandora 'style' bracelet and I am going to add a bead each stone I lose. At the first half stone mark I will order some of the spacers. I did some research as my pennies don't stretch to Pandora and found an excellent jewellery maker recommended by a silversmith who does charms for £3 or so.

The first charm I want is my birth stone and it is on ebay. It has 20 days left on it and whilst I guess it would be re-listed I am going to aim for my 2 stone loss by the time the listing ends.

It will be a reminder as I wear it why I am doing this and when I get to target (because surely something must work with me to get the weight off????) I will have a permanent reminder of each stone.

Who knows..........maybe CD can break my relationship with food? Can only find out by carrying on I guess.......

 

[Trolley Dolly xx]

welcome and good luck You sound very focused and motivated.
I find cd is more about your head and emotions. I am on my second go after not finishing proper the first time. This time I am going a daily journal with photos and food issues I can sort out along the way.
It will be interesting to look back on.
Good luck..onwards and downwards x

 

[lyndzi76]

I think these diaries are great for self motivation and for others to read and gain inspiration.

You have had a fantastic first week. Are you on 3 or 4 sachets a day?

Good luck and keep it going xx

 

[Awaken Me]

How fantastic and what a great loss. You sound so upbeat and determined.

Your story echoes so much of my own, and like you I started with a large amount of weight to lose 17st to begin with now 12st (although I may revise my target at some point as I think 11st may be too low for my height)

The best of luck to you and I look forward to following the rest of your journey.

Sharon xx

 

[Aaleigha]

well done for starting and for recognising that you need to take food out of the equation
I am on ss+ as my dh feels better if he sees me eat something - but the meal is very small and I find that with me it helps me to eat 'something'
this plan is so versatile
your first weight loss is fantastic
and your bmi has already fallen below the 50 a brilliant start
H xx

 

[White Tulip]

cheers guys

You have had a fantastic first week. Are you on 3 or 4 sachets a day?

I'm on 3 sachets. I'm 5 foot 7 so not quite tall enough for a 4th.

well done for starting and for recognising that you need to take food out of the equation

I'm hoping this will change all my ingrained habits. It's hard though when it's almost literally put in front of you - today I ignored muffins brought in for the team and a tin of homemade flapjacks. :sigh:

I am on ss+ as my dh feels better if he sees me eat something - but the meal is very small and I find that with me it helps me to eat 'something'

problem for me is that I'll think - oh a little extra bite or 2 won't hurt, it really is going to have to be all or nothing this time.

I think I'm realising that food is not the answer to emotional issues. Last week I had a bad day and it would have been easy to go out and buy chocolate. I didn't and I survived!! I've always associated food with being the instant comfort blanket with any emotional crisis (or just any emotional situation - good or bad) and I need to keep remembering that food is not the answer to a bad day/morning/hour/situation.

Finished work for a bit but I also work in the evening on a Monday.

As a cookery teacher.......I kid you not

 

[Fisherman]

what a great 1st week for you hoping fo the same for when i start tomorrow almost treating it like a total reboot of my eating habbits as i approach 40

 

[Mini]

Well done on your first week, 14lbs off is fantastic and great motivation.

I love your idea of a charm bracelet and buying a charm for each stone you lose.

I could identify with a lot of what you are saying as I too have thought about weight loss surgery but here I am back again determined that this time I will succeed.

I am doing Exante which is similar to CD and love the idea that food is taken out of the equation for now and I don't miss it.

Good luck with your weight loss journey, fingers crossed you have another fab week ahead.

 

[Aaleigha]

managing to ignore those muffins and flapjacks - well done you
that show strength

I have read a book that says if you want something put it off till tomorrow (most likely you wont want it then)

I practised this while on holiday - and I did it for 6 days I managed to not let the normal holiday stuff pass my lips
eg cream teas cakes in the evening and beer at the pub - NOT EASY but doable so if you feel yourself crumbling try that and see if it might work for you too

 

[White Tulip]

I need to record this so I don't forget!!

I had a dream last night. My dreams are always incredibly realistic and feel as if I am really there.

I had been brought back from 'somewhere' at the beginning and was shown a full length mirror. The reflection was a stunning woman, fitted black trousers/jeans, flat stomach, cropped black top and with thick, very long blonde hair all flicked over to 1 side. I then realised that the image was 'me' (although facially it wasn't but I thought - I am looking at myself) and I was stunned. I then realised I had been brought back from somewhere I had lost weight. I couldn't believe what I saw . Then I was walking along a street and a really attractive guy approached me to offer me tickets to a nightclub (as you get when on holiday) and I was amazed - in real life these reps ignore me totally and I was giggling with my friend at what had happened and felt so great about myself. I then found myself dancing around...

I then woke and for a split second was awake but thinking it was real. I then realised it wasn't, but it was so strong an experience and so vivid I wanted it to be real. I don't know who the person was because as I said, it wasn't my face and I don't have long blonde hair!! However, in the dream, I was looking at the reflection and I was experiencing the guy approaching me.....

hmmm....maybe my brain is changing the messages it gives me??

 

[White Tulip]

oh, and I bought some ketostix and the result is right in the middle of the scale so I guess I'm into ketosis

 

[Aaleigha]

quick quick go out and get a wig

 

[SingingAmanda]

Hi : )

You sound very positive and I absolutely love your idea of your pandora style bracelet and adding new charms as your weight loss increases. What a fantastic idea!! I think many of us use food as a crutch. I know when i'm at my happiest I eat less and vice versa. I wish you loads of luck for your diet.

mand

 

[White Tulip]

quick quick go out and get a wig

Love it

 

[Red77]

Just wanted to say good luck and stay strong, take one day at a time.

The good thing about this diet is that you don't have to think about food so its not constantly on your mind.

The weight will fall off and you will be where you want to be in no time at all and in probably half the time of more conventional diets!

Well done on your loss so far, you will suceed!

xxx

 

[White Tulip]

Avoided blueberry muffins, birthday cakes and then copious amounts of Danish Pastries today at work. Normally I would have had at least 1 of each and if different people were around I'd go for a second and they'd think it was the first I'd had.

TOTM from today I struggle now, with it all just being more and more 'inconvenient' each month, which seems to be a typical thing from late 30s and I feel very bloated. That's partly good because I feel even less like eating but it does make me feel a bit pants generally. I take Tranexamic Acid, GP won't allow me onto the pill until I've lost loads of weight. Guess I'm getting a bit old for the pill anyway and I can't have a coil unless I have it under anaesthetic as I'm not really suitable due to not having children

Got a note from my CDC today, it just had 'Loser Extraordinaire' written on it. I've kept it, which is a bit sad I know, but it was written on a piece of CD branded card and I just wanted to keep it as a momento when things get rocky and I can get it out and look to re-focus.

 

[Aaleigha]

I love the note - I would keep it too
I always hated totm from about 26 - I had two children and was sterilised by then me I was begging for a hysterectomy so I would never have the inconvenience again - needless to say I did not get my wish
hopefully you can reach a bmi that the doc will find acceptable soon - do you know what that is - if not ask and get there asap after achieving it

 

[White Tulip]

Cakes AGAIN today........aarggh and there will be more tomorrow!! It is mad how many people have their birthday in June where I work. There's only 30 staff!! Just didn't look at them as I walked through the kitchen.

Have started to think about all the 'gaps' food fills in my life. Without food and thinking about food, shopping for food, planning the next meal, watching food programmes etc etc etc all I have is sleep, work, sitting at the computer on the internet or sitting on the sofa with OH in the room late at night when he appears. That's a hell of a lot of time I fill with food. I need to start finding a little something to fill a little bit of time and let interests grow from there. I really have nothing else and it shows how food has dominated my life for so long.

Was a bit naughty though and had my first mug of golden vegetable flavoured water after work. I know I shouldn't for another 3 days but I thought I'm sure it will be fine this close to week 3. I'm definitely well and truly into ketosis and it made such a difference to me filling some of the 'dead' time after work with something other than water.

I maybe thought a small glass painting kit and some cheap glasses to decorate...might have a look on ebay for something simple and cheap - I have no patience when it comes to crafts!

 

[lyndzi76]

Well done on resisting again. I slipped again a little today. I'm suppose to be doing SS but had chicken salad. I struggle at home, so I brought myself a monkey paint by numbers thing to distract me!! Haven't started it yet though.

 

[White Tulip]

Just how much cake related torture does anyone have to go through? Not only cakes again, but I was asked if I would help slice the scones as the birthday girl topped them with double cream and strawberry jam. I then sliced the strawberries to go on top. I didn't even lick my fingers or have a quarter of a strawberry!!

Starting to feel a bit worried about WI on Sunday. TOTM at the moment and I tend to put on up to half a stone. I know it's only water and it will drop off and then next weeks weight loss but I don't want Sunday to be a STS