The Rest of My Fabulous Life Challenge
- Thread starter Barb
- Start date
Barb
Gold Member
Thanks KD - nice to have you popping in. Thought you ahd probably given up on me - wouldn't blame you, I nearly have! Thanks Mandy, I know you are right, things are much better and I feel back in a better place headwise too - there's a coincidence!
Had a better day yesterday and have woken up in the mood to get on with it again, so thats good. It's going to take time but I will get there!
Had a better day yesterday and have woken up in the mood to get on with it again, so thats good. It's going to take time but I will get there!
Barb
Gold Member
Hmm, well don't know what's goin on. I have been 'naughty' all weekend and I just don't care. Is that wrong? Yes, I suppose so. I am sure I should be filled with self disgust and horror at the ineveitable weight gain. But that is not how I feel. I had a great weekend.
Went to a party yesterday for a friends 60th - most people there were between 45-65 and I couldn't help noticing how old the skinnier ones looked. I looked round the group, lovely people all and realised (purely on a looks basis) there was NO-ONE there that i envied. I felt happy with myself!!!!! Weird.
Have I finally accepted that 'cuddly Barb' is who I am? Don't know.
I know I swing (almost constantly) between 'must get thinner' and ' must accept who I am' but yesterday was really weird. Then this morning i looked in the mirror and I thought, ' yeah not bad, not slim but not bad'!
So, I don't know what this means except that the only time I feel motivated to lose weight is when I am unhappy and I'm not. I've made my list of things that i want to be thinner for and I'm thinking, well, what if i'm not thinner. Will it stop me doing any of them? Um, no, not really. So, more headwork to follow. Just need to get my head round this as I feel confused by my own contentment.
Went to a party yesterday for a friends 60th - most people there were between 45-65 and I couldn't help noticing how old the skinnier ones looked. I looked round the group, lovely people all and realised (purely on a looks basis) there was NO-ONE there that i envied. I felt happy with myself!!!!! Weird.
Have I finally accepted that 'cuddly Barb' is who I am? Don't know.
I know I swing (almost constantly) between 'must get thinner' and ' must accept who I am' but yesterday was really weird. Then this morning i looked in the mirror and I thought, ' yeah not bad, not slim but not bad'!
So, I don't know what this means except that the only time I feel motivated to lose weight is when I am unhappy and I'm not. I've made my list of things that i want to be thinner for and I'm thinking, well, what if i'm not thinner. Will it stop me doing any of them? Um, no, not really. So, more headwork to follow. Just need to get my head round this as I feel confused by my own contentment.
Barb
Gold Member
Hi Julie - thanks for popping by, you are my ever shrinking friend! Flip, you really have done soooo well!
I do feel odd, I feel content, pressure off. Don't know why, really can't understand it. I like it though and I have no urge to stuff myself either. Just feel chilled. Long may it last!
I do feel odd, I feel content, pressure off. Don't know why, really can't understand it. I like it though and I have no urge to stuff myself either. Just feel chilled. Long may it last!
:whoopass:. Never, you know that. Just always so busy these days.
Yep
Nope. You shouldn't.
Excellent. Glad to hear it :clap:
Not weird at all. That's how it should be
I don't envy skinny people. Didn't when I was bigger either.Was that the person you were trying to accept?
Good....good.
You expect to be, because you still haven't really made the transition with your motivation. Maybe it is moving away from a desire to get thin...but I don't think you are truly there just yet.
I felt the same really.
So, more headwork to follow. Just need to get my head round this as I feel confused by my own contentment.
You know Barb, you will keep going around in circles until you really accept that your main motivation must come from how you look after yourself, and not a desire to look slim.
I feel this more for you than most others. Many people really just want to look slim. The desire is so strong, that it carries them through the diet. Of course, it can often falter when close to goal, and then fail them after, but it gets them on track for a fair while.
I don't feel that's enough for you. Actually, I don't think that's enough for anyone, but it does them for the time being until they look for another way.
Hey...can you feel a lecture coming on
I can
Okay...so I'll write more
The fact that they are skinny, doesn't mean they feel great though. Feeling great belongs in another compartment. Has little to do with what size you are, or how old you look.
Perhaps you need to stop making decisions on how you look or whether it's acceptable or not, and just take care of yourself and feed your body well.
Sometimes I write on this forum that I never want to diet again. I mean that, but it doesn't really define my actions. Though truthful, I put more emphasis on it here because it's the language that most dieters understand and can relate to.
The truth is, I don't eat or exercise to appease the scales. Ever.
I eat well because I want to feel good. I exercise because it makes me feel good.
Doing these things to lose weight, or maintain a weight gives you very shaky foundations. You can build your house on them, but it often comes tumbling down. We keep building that house on those foundations...the house comes down, we build again. Then we say "darn if I want a house anyway....I'll make to with a tent"
Does it matter though? Does it really. I would rather look old and feel great than the other way around
The fact that they are skinny, doesn't mean they feel great though. Feeling great belongs in another compartment. Has little to do with what size you are, or how old you look.
Defining yourself according to your weight. You aren't your weight.
I don't think I really thought either of those things. They aren't really anything to do with looking after yourself. Well...perhaps the 'accept who I am' bit is a little bit anyway. Not a great amount to do with what size you are though.
Again...this emphasis on what you look like. You shouldn't be disgusted either way. To be honest, I was never disgusted with my weight.
That's because your main motivation is in the wrong place.
Perhaps you need to stop making decisions on how you look or whether it's acceptable or not, and just take care of yourself and feed your body well.Sometimes I write on this forum that I never want to diet again. I mean that, but it doesn't really define my actions. Though truthful, I put more emphasis on it here because it's the language that most dieters understand and can relate to.
The truth is, I don't eat or exercise to appease the scales. Ever.
I eat well because I want to feel good. I exercise because it makes me feel good.
Doing these things to lose weight, or maintain a weight gives you very shaky foundations. You can build your house on them, but it often comes tumbling down. We keep building that house on those foundations...the house comes down, we build again. Then we say "darn if I want a house anyway....I'll make to with a tent"
Barb
Gold Member
Crikey, I've missed your input KD - I know how busy you are and you can't be everywhere but I love how you work stuff out it's so twisted it's the opposite of twisted - IFYKIM!
I think the difference between you and i KD is a very simple one ( well apart from the obvious, you are more sensible than me!), you are not vain and I am. The fact that you were never envious underlines that; whilst I, in my self absorbed way, always assume I am being compared and found wanting, so I do envy the slimmer folk around.
Therein lies the rub, because if I am totally honest, and whats the point of this if I'm not, I do care how I look and I would rather be plump and attractive(whilst not as healthy as I could be) than thin and scrawny and unattractive ( but super healthy)Is that wrong? Well yes, of course it is but it is how I feel.
You said to me sometime ago that i am basically happy, I don't want 'it' badly enough. You are right; thats why I slide off diets at the least excuse and start really well but fail continually.
You are right, I need to look after myself better, eat well exercise more and stop being so interested in how I look or indeed what I weigh. Sounds easy in those few words, but I know myself and I am not yet ready to let go of the vanity thing. It's pathetic, but that is me. I remember when I had our first baby; after 36 hours of labour, a rough delivery and too many stitches to count, I refused to leave delivery suite until I'd put some mascara on!!! Thats me - I may change but I think it's unlikely.
What I would like to alter is my linking my life to my weight in everything I do. Like I said, I have this list of stuff i'm looking forward to and I am putting up barriers. If I'm not thinner by then will it really matter? Only if I let it. I guess I just want to get on with living.
I am sorry that despite all your efforts, which are always so appreciated by me, I still don't progress in the way I know you want me to. I feel like you are standing beside me with a loudhailer and I have earplugs in!
Thing is KD, I have so many wonderful things in my life that I don't think I can bear to ***** for another day about the one thing I don't have - being slim.
I will try hard to get off those damn scales and stay off them, to eat better, move more and most importantly get on with my life. Perhaps that is the real 'rest of my fabulous life challenge'
With lots of love to you KD
I think the difference between you and i KD is a very simple one ( well apart from the obvious, you are more sensible than me!), you are not vain and I am. The fact that you were never envious underlines that; whilst I, in my self absorbed way, always assume I am being compared and found wanting, so I do envy the slimmer folk around.
Therein lies the rub, because if I am totally honest, and whats the point of this if I'm not, I do care how I look and I would rather be plump and attractive(whilst not as healthy as I could be) than thin and scrawny and unattractive ( but super healthy)Is that wrong? Well yes, of course it is but it is how I feel.
You said to me sometime ago that i am basically happy, I don't want 'it' badly enough. You are right; thats why I slide off diets at the least excuse and start really well but fail continually.
You are right, I need to look after myself better, eat well exercise more and stop being so interested in how I look or indeed what I weigh. Sounds easy in those few words, but I know myself and I am not yet ready to let go of the vanity thing. It's pathetic, but that is me. I remember when I had our first baby; after 36 hours of labour, a rough delivery and too many stitches to count, I refused to leave delivery suite until I'd put some mascara on!!! Thats me - I may change but I think it's unlikely.
What I would like to alter is my linking my life to my weight in everything I do. Like I said, I have this list of stuff i'm looking forward to and I am putting up barriers. If I'm not thinner by then will it really matter? Only if I let it. I guess I just want to get on with living.
I am sorry that despite all your efforts, which are always so appreciated by me, I still don't progress in the way I know you want me to. I feel like you are standing beside me with a loudhailer and I have earplugs in!
Thing is KD, I have so many wonderful things in my life that I don't think I can bear to ***** for another day about the one thing I don't have - being slim.
I will try hard to get off those damn scales and stay off them, to eat better, move more and most importantly get on with my life. Perhaps that is the real 'rest of my fabulous life challenge'
With lots of love to you KD
Okay, so why don't I think you really 'get' it. Because you are talking about how you are happy with the way you look. You should be happy with the way you look....but I still feel you make the connection with what you eat and how you look. I'm not convinced that you really separate the two. I do think that you have come an awful long way though, and really getting close.
If I want to look good, I put nice clothes on, do my hair, put on a touch of makeup and some jewelry. If I want to feel good…not feel sluggish, be able to go for long walks, do roly poly’s on the carpet, feel in control of myself, then I eat well.
There is no connection any more. If I go for a walk, I do it because I want to go for a walk. As long as it’s not too far, it stops me seizing up. It refeshes me and I feel better when I sit down in the evening. I don’t walk to make myself look better, or worse. It has nothing to do with that. I don’t count the calories…I don’t make it an excuse to eat more. It’s a completely different compartment. I am motivated in a different way.
Okay, so you say you are happy with how you look…that’s great. So forget about looks. You’re happy now. So enjoy life but eat well and find some exercise you really enjoy doing to stop seizing up. If you happen to lose some weight in the meantime, try not to get upset, just eat more oily fish
So vanity has nothing to with it. Whether your vain and I’m not makes no odds. It just doesn’t have anything to do with what I eat and I would love you to feel that way too. Doesn't mean that I don't think you should look good or otherwise.
I want you to separate the weight from how you look after yourself, because I think if you can do that, you’ll get out of that circle. You’ll have everything you want.
Ummm. I’ll get back to you on that one
Who says you have to get scrawny and unattractive? But I get your point. Mrs Fairy Godmother comes to you and says “Tomorrow you will be 2-3 stone lighter” and you reply “on ya bike” Yes?
Exactly. That’s why I think you shouldn’t diet
I think you should stop the connection between the two. Treat them as separate issues. We all like to look good. Even I like to look good
If I want to look good, I put nice clothes on, do my hair, put on a touch of makeup and some jewelry. If I want to feel good…not feel sluggish, be able to go for long walks, do roly poly’s on the carpet, feel in control of myself, then I eat well.There is no connection any more. If I go for a walk, I do it because I want to go for a walk. As long as it’s not too far, it stops me seizing up. It refeshes me and I feel better when I sit down in the evening. I don’t walk to make myself look better, or worse. It has nothing to do with that. I don’t count the calories…I don’t make it an excuse to eat more. It’s a completely different compartment. I am motivated in a different way.
Okay, so you say you are happy with how you look…that’s great. So forget about looks. You’re happy now. So enjoy life but eat well and find some exercise you really enjoy doing to stop seizing up. If you happen to lose some weight in the meantime, try not to get upset, just eat more oily fish
So vanity has nothing to with it. Whether your vain and I’m not makes no odds. It just doesn’t have anything to do with what I eat and I would love you to feel that way too. Doesn't mean that I don't think you should look good or otherwise.
See….told ya
Indeed. So do it. Take care of yourself and your weight will take care of itself. If you lose too much eat more good stuff. (see above)
I want you to be happy, but I’m not sure that going round in circles makes you happy. I know you’ll get to a place when you either stick with the diet, or look after yourself.
No…just whispering in your ear. Ideas that you might like to mull over
Fab…not that I mind you bitching. Hey…actually, don’t think I’ve ever heard you *****
I want you to separate the weight from how you look after yourself, because I think if you can do that, you’ll get out of that circle. You’ll have everything you want.Put your makeup on. Make yourself look gorgeous on the outside, and look after yourself on the inside too
Barb
Gold Member
Thanks KD - as always you quietly (yet firmly) make sense to me. I have not got this seperation thing sorted at all have i? It is about being healthy and the looking nice is a different category. Yes, I see that. Never thought about it like that though!
So what this means is - wait for it I feel a light bulb going on - I can eat well, enjoy some gentle exercise that I want to do and whatever happens weight wise is no longer part of the equation. I'm just getting on with my life in the most enjoyable way I can. I'm free to make the best of myself regardless. My life no longer has to revolve round the scales and the size label in my clothing.
Classic night last night; kids all out and DH says ' shall we go out for dinner, just us two?' my immediate panic stricken thought ' there will be tempting food there, I'll eat, i'll have wine, OMG, I'm not supposed to be enjoying myself' my response ' lovely, that would be great'. So off we went.
Decided to have exactly what I really wanted and nothing for 'the sake of it' - therefore neither of the diet binge type meal or an on the diet I'll just have a lettuce leaf thanks. I had no starter, didn't want one then had scampi and chips, which I really fancied. Ate half the chips and most of the scampi, although took the breadcrumbs off most of it as i found it a bit 'fatty'. No pud, was full up. 2 small glasses of rose and home again. Lovely. Then DH started talking about the 'diet' and said how pleased he was to be able to go out and it not be a big deal. He had expected me to say no to going out or be worrying about what I was going to eat and neither had happened, so he was well chuffed. It made me realise how much my behaviour effects him. I said how pleased I was that I had been relatively good and he genuinely didn't understand what I meant. He lives in a world where you eat what you want when you are hungry and never, ever obsess about food. I'm thinking of moving there to be with him; it sounds like a really cool place! In fact KD, I think you may already be a resident there!
Going back to the whole ' how I look' issue; I discovered recently just how unhappy so many people are with how they look. I was talking to my lovely slim sister, a size 12 all her life and a figure I have always envied. I said to her how fed up I was that I couldn't seem to win this weight battle and she utterly shocked me. She said how she wishes she looked like me, how she hates her nose, her skin etc.. I had no idea. There's me thinking she's mad to complain and her thinking I'm mad to complain. Then at this party at the weekend there were a lot of what I would call 'competitively thin' women, all trying to eat the least number of carrot sticks and I looked at them and realised how unhappy they are. They are thin, yes, but their lives revolve around their weight every bit as much as mine does. They are terrified of not being thin anymore - flip which is worse? Neither actually, I think both are equally sad.
So the upshot of all of this is I want to change. I don't want my life enjoyment to based on whether I have lost or gained a pound.
I want to look as good as I can whilst being as healthy as I can and neither must become an obsession. Thats a tall order but I'm going to do my best.
Thanks again KD - please keep tweaking me - I too think I'm getting close!
Much love
So what this means is - wait for it I feel a light bulb going on - I can eat well, enjoy some gentle exercise that I want to do and whatever happens weight wise is no longer part of the equation. I'm just getting on with my life in the most enjoyable way I can. I'm free to make the best of myself regardless. My life no longer has to revolve round the scales and the size label in my clothing.
Classic night last night; kids all out and DH says ' shall we go out for dinner, just us two?' my immediate panic stricken thought ' there will be tempting food there, I'll eat, i'll have wine, OMG, I'm not supposed to be enjoying myself' my response ' lovely, that would be great'. So off we went.
Decided to have exactly what I really wanted and nothing for 'the sake of it' - therefore neither of the diet binge type meal or an on the diet I'll just have a lettuce leaf thanks. I had no starter, didn't want one then had scampi and chips, which I really fancied. Ate half the chips and most of the scampi, although took the breadcrumbs off most of it as i found it a bit 'fatty'. No pud, was full up. 2 small glasses of rose and home again. Lovely. Then DH started talking about the 'diet' and said how pleased he was to be able to go out and it not be a big deal. He had expected me to say no to going out or be worrying about what I was going to eat and neither had happened, so he was well chuffed. It made me realise how much my behaviour effects him. I said how pleased I was that I had been relatively good and he genuinely didn't understand what I meant. He lives in a world where you eat what you want when you are hungry and never, ever obsess about food. I'm thinking of moving there to be with him; it sounds like a really cool place! In fact KD, I think you may already be a resident there!
Going back to the whole ' how I look' issue; I discovered recently just how unhappy so many people are with how they look. I was talking to my lovely slim sister, a size 12 all her life and a figure I have always envied. I said to her how fed up I was that I couldn't seem to win this weight battle and she utterly shocked me. She said how she wishes she looked like me, how she hates her nose, her skin etc.. I had no idea. There's me thinking she's mad to complain and her thinking I'm mad to complain. Then at this party at the weekend there were a lot of what I would call 'competitively thin' women, all trying to eat the least number of carrot sticks and I looked at them and realised how unhappy they are. They are thin, yes, but their lives revolve around their weight every bit as much as mine does. They are terrified of not being thin anymore - flip which is worse? Neither actually, I think both are equally sad.
So the upshot of all of this is I want to change. I don't want my life enjoyment to based on whether I have lost or gained a pound.
I want to look as good as I can whilst being as healthy as I can and neither must become an obsession. Thats a tall order but I'm going to do my best.
Thanks again KD - please keep tweaking me - I too think I'm getting close!
Much love
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
All enlightening stuff and it's interesting to see you approaching an epiphany Barb. I'm still a long, long way from that but am enjoying what's going on in your thread.
Barb
Gold Member
Hi Debbie - do you think that's whats going on? I think you maybe right. Looking back on all my waffling of the last few years I think I have been slowly, alright very slowly, working towards this point and although the thin thing isn't happening the happier thing is. Thats got to be good I think.
I only wish you could feel free and happier too. It's a tricky old thing to turn your back on 30 years of self indoctrination that amounts to thin being the only thing worth being. I'm not there yet but I'm damn close!
I only wish you could feel free and happier too. It's a tricky old thing to turn your back on 30 years of self indoctrination that amounts to thin being the only thing worth being. I'm not there yet but I'm damn close!
Barb
Gold Member
Thanks Jules, yes it is good to feel cheerier and so much less obsessed. Interesting to have lost a lb this week too! Didn't expect that as we have had 4 meals out and a party in the last week!
Still feeling relaxed and happy. Thought I would keep the weekly weigh in going but out of curiosity more than anything. I suppose I am (quietly) trying to eat what I want when I want without making a big thing of it. Yesterday I didn't fancy lunch, I'd had my banana a bit late in the morning, so just wasn't hungry, so I had a choc ice to keep me going. Went into town with my Mum and when I got back had a big dish of juicy grapes, thats what I fancied. I didn't agonise over what to have either, I just got on and had what I wanted. Interesting.
Still feeling relaxed and happy. Thought I would keep the weekly weigh in going but out of curiosity more than anything. I suppose I am (quietly) trying to eat what I want when I want without making a big thing of it. Yesterday I didn't fancy lunch, I'd had my banana a bit late in the morning, so just wasn't hungry, so I had a choc ice to keep me going. Went into town with my Mum and when I got back had a big dish of juicy grapes, thats what I fancied. I didn't agonise over what to have either, I just got on and had what I wanted. Interesting.
