to tell or not to tell? - LL

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Louise, 28 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. Louise

    Louise Member


    Do you discuss any cheating during your groups?

    I am 4 weeks in to LL and have 1 meal a week.
    Of course I keep it very low carb and low calorie and only have 1 or 2 packs that day.
    I go straight back to my packs the following day, no probs!
    But i'd love to discuss this within my group, but I think this would be frowned upon, as no one ever talks about these things.
    What do you think? Shall i just keep it to here?
    And if i do, should I tell my group about this site?
    They may also find it benificial!

    What to do? :sigh:

    What do you think, any advice??

    Thank you

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  3. Janey

    Janey Intuitive Eater

    intuitive eating
    Hi, I hope you do well on your diet, you will certainly find MiniMins the place to discuss any concerns you have.
  4. jane

    jane Opinionated

    Me i'm all for honesty-though it sometimes gets me into scrapes.
    In the group if you confessed you might find any or all of the following
    1.disapproval...well in a way you deserve it.
    2. sympathey & a constructive discussion as to why you did it ,& the pro's & cons.
    3. Group attempt to boost you into being 100%
    4. others confessing that they've cheated a bit too & want support & help to avoid it in the future.

    It's up to you.
    Are you pleased that you've apparantly got away with undermining/supplementing the diet or do you feel a bit guilty that you've not been committed enough to stick to it, or honest enough to confess?
  5. soulsister

    soulsister Silver Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Weight Watchers
    I totally agree with Jane on this one. The only person you are really cheating is yourself. Please try and stick to the diet 100% it really is the best way. I know as I have been down that slippery road on LL a few years ago and like you I didn't tell my group when I messed up which seemed to be every week after 8 weeks straight of abstinence and a 3 stone weight loss. Just because the scales may still show a loss you can't help thinking just how much better you could have down if you stuck to the plan. Have you thought about changing to CD 790 at least then you'd be able to have a light meal without the guilt and worry.

    Good luck on your journey whatever you decide to do.
    jane likes this.
  6. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

    Don't diet anymore!
    Absolutely! To thyself be true and all that....

    Why not first tell your LLC in privacy and ask whether she wants to bring it to the group forum and then make your decision.

    The point of the group though is for support and therefore I think you must be open and honest otherwise you aren't going to deal with the issues that maybe are there.

  7. alunsarah

    alunsarah Member

    you have only been on LL for 4 weeks and one meal a week is a very slippery slope... You must discuss this with your LLC and she should be there to support and guide you back on the right path, thats what you pay £66 a week for. I would love to offer you stronger support, but as a life time over eater I know that your one meal a week will turn to two.. then three then four, no matter how confident you feel this wont happen. We are all on LL because at the moment we are unable to control our eating, let the LL course teach you how to control your urges reach your goal weight, and maintain it so you wont have to go through this again. Good luck sweetheart. x
  8. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

    Cambridge the end of the day you have committed to 100 days of abstenance (not eating anything!) and there is a reason for this. I can only speak from my own experience having not cheated at all (although have almost cried at times cos wanted to eat so badly)...Had I eaten wuld not be here at week 10 with the most incredible pride in myself at having got so far; I would not have been able to look at my relationship with food in the same way as I have had I eaten and I would not be able to say, hand on heart, that I have done it. It has been hard but 100% worth it because today I got clothes in a size 16 - something I could not do for I dont know how long and shopped in places like debenhams which I've avoided for years. Its your journey and its your decision as to whether or not you eat but trust me, finding out a size 18 was too big was one of the happiest day of my life and thats all because I know in my heart I have earned that joy and that I deserve it! Not sure if you will feel the same sence of achievement een if you do get to goal? In terms of being honest I would - people will then be able to supprt and encourage you which they wont if you dont tell them!! Hope you resolve this. I hope this doesent sound judgemental - not meant to but do feel sad for you because if you carry on as you are you wont experience the true joy of finally cracking your addiction to food. I know I will always struggle with food but I also know that I will never be that big again & that is better than any occasional meal!
    jane likes this.
  9. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

    Hi Louise

    The great thing about Minimins is that everyone is very up front and gives great feedback; as you can see, you also get lots of opinions for the price of one.

    I read your post and it seemed to me that you were only asking about whether to come clean to your group not what we thought about your secret weekly meal.

    Our group never discussed cheating/eating! Incredible but true. There were a couple of comments in passing but that was all. And these incidents were never discussed by the group as a whole.

    I think, as others have suggested, that it depends on the group because there are numerous possible outcomes. It also depends on your LLC; be prepared for the comeback though, paritcularly as this is not a one off. She may not be sympathetic. Would you be ready for that?

    And just like the others here, I am left wondering what the motivation is behind the secret meal? You will learn about different ego states with LighterLife and you'll need to work out where this strategy comes from. Is it hunger? Is it rebelling against the rules? Is it for some other reason?

    My advice is to understand what that weekly meal is really all about and then make a decision as to whether you tell your LLC and/or group.

    Good luck and let us know how you handle this.

    Mrs L xxx
    Mini likes this.
  10. katie_oxo

    katie_oxo Silver Member

    Hi Louise

    If it were me then I'd tell the group, as mentioned above you may get some reactions that aren't that good but I'd want the support of the group and hopefully help that would help allay me from eating in the future.

    You don't say in your post why you do have the one meal a week or what lies behind it. My concern would be that at the end I'd be disappointed with my weight loss at the end as I could have lost more if I hadn't eaten.

    Let us know what you decide and how you get on.

  11. Fuzzys Angel

    Fuzzys Angel The Lovely James Hetfield

    Hi Lousie

    This is a difficult one. I did do LL for the 100 days before having a break & continuing my journey with CD, although during that 100 days (which included xmas) i didn't cheat at all & that was my choice not too, i felt i wanted to stick to it 100% as i made that commitment. Although there were one or two in our group that did slip up & was given a hard time about it!

    I believe honesty is the best policy but this one is your call.

    How do you gel with the rest of the group? How do you gel with your LLC, maybe you should consider these factors.

    As for minimins we are all to support you in whichever choice you make....

    Good Luck xxx
  12. Mrs Pink

    Mrs Pink Banned

    HI I am doing CD but a friend of a friend is doing LL and she lost just under the 3st mark in foundation - doing what you are doing ie one meal a week, after her weigh in. She still has a lot of weight to lose, having started at BMI 41, and is aware that she would have lost more had she stuck with it 100% - but its her choice. Is a meal a week worth prolonging your weigh loss campaign for? Only you know the answer to that! You may think it is. Good luck whatever you decide
    Mrs P
  13. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

    Hia Louise,

    It is good to read the wide variety of replies to this question. I am glad that Mrs Pink has replied with details of her friends' experience doing the same thing.

    I like Mrs Lard's questions exploring why you might be having the extra meal, too. My question would be 'had you always intended to do this from the beginning, or were you compelled because of the difficulty in staying abstinent, that is, was it a way of coping with not eating the rest of the time'.

    I do remember my own experiences doing LL back in August last year that after the high of starting the programme, I sat and realised that the next ninety odd days, stretched out ahead of me for ever (it seemed). Could I handle 100 days without eating anything?

    The answer I gave myself was 'yes, this is your last chance to take control of these destructive eating habits that have controlled YOU for so many years, slowly destroying your confidence, bleeding away hope, causing you to merely exist on this planet instead of living the fulfilling life you COULD be living'.

    Well, putting it like that made it easy. What is 100 days compared to the rest of my life? Not a lot.

    Here I am today Louise, and what a difference...

    Over 100 lbs lost.
    BMI over almost 41 reduced to 23.
    Size 24 reduced to 10/12 (for the first time ever).
    Body fat % 49% reduced to 22%.
    Waist size 44" reduced to 29".

    Could I have done this by eating during the programme? It is possible, but not so quickly or so effectively. This is the big question really Louise. Can you afford to shell out £66 for many more weeks than necessary to lose the weight? Is it worth it?

    I can only speak for myself when I say that I had to deal with a lot of issues relating to my past eating habits (and still am) which had built up over thirty years. I would have found it extremey difficult to eat while doing LL AND address these issues. It is why I chose LL over CD. As has been mentioned, CD does incorporate food and packs and may be a better choice for you. There is no CBT counselling as such, but it is a lot less expensive too.

    I hope you can be successful doing LL, and I hope you can take onboard the experiences and advice from everyone here who has replied. We all want you to succeed and exorcise your own dieting demons as painlessly and effectively as possible...

    Good luck!
    jane likes this.
  14. SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!

    SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue! Full Member

    Lighter Life

    I won't add too much to the varied and great advice which as MRS says you can choose to go with or not.

    I think to get 100% out your group and LLC, it may be an idea to speak about it but only if you want/intend to change this meal supplement. :eat:

    I think one of the other reactions from group members I would throw in is it playing on their mind/crooked thoughts and trying the same thing. I know when people confessed to eating whether that be for a special ocassion or as felt could not control themselves, these thoughts played on my mind.

    We are all adults, and we choose to eat or not. I eventually did not eat and hope by end of Foundation to of lost 4 stone.

    Take care, and however you travel this road.... good luck with the weight loss.

    Sam xx
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