Hey, I'm a regular poster on minimins and probably quite a lot of you reading this will know who I am, but I wanted to share this very personal concern anonymously. I know it's long but I would appreciate it if you stayed with me until the end 
Sometimes I feel as if losing weight has given me far, far too much confidence. I'm only 20, and throughout my teenage years I was very large and never got much attention at school. I was looked down on, made fun of - not because I wasn't a nice person (I've always tried to be very kind to everyone) but because I was larger. I wouldn't say I was bullied, but the so-called popular kids generally stayed away and a good proportion of my school (who were slaves to the popular kids bidding) followed suit and joined in with snide remarks and sneers. I did get on well with everyone individually, but when people were in large groups I was usually an easy target. Like a lot of larger people will also relate with, I was also subject to abuse on the streets, people telling me "Move out the way fatso" etc. I learned to live with this, and I was lucky enough to come from a very loving family and had a close group of friends so that got me through.
Two years ago, I left school with a good set of exam marks and went to university. I absolutely love university - the people are so much more mature than the people at my school and for me I took it as a fresh start. I even got a boyfriend. At the end of last year, I felt that it was time for me to lose the weight that I felt restricted me my whole life. I started going to the gym, got a personal trainer eating healthy, going for regular beauty sessions. Seven months on and I'm now 8 and a half stone (lost just over 6 stone), got a healthy body and even last night won (in a charity ceremony) "Hottest female" for my course! Everyone's been telling me how fantastic I look. Especially in the last couple of weeks when I reached the 8 stone somethings and the gentle toning from the gym started paying off People from school have met me in the supermarket and had to put their hands over their mouths in shock at how much I've changed. I know I sound like a boast but I'm just trying to give you a idea of what it's been like for me. Builders whistling, cars tooting their horns, guys flirting with me like there's no tomorrow, people being a WHOLE lot nicer to me now that I'm ''prettier'', free coffees, endless compliments, conductors letting me off with train fares, even lecturers being weirdly extra nice to me with deadlines etc - all this has hit me like a brick wall - and it's just happened in the last couple of weeks. That, combined with my low confidence etched on to me from my school year, is something that I'm finding it very hard to handle.
This is where my problem is. I have never, ever, ever been given this type of attention and it's ruining me. It's boosted my ego and now I'm worried it's just boosted it too much. My confidence has soared and I'm terrified that that's a dangerous thing. Last night for instance, I was out with people from uni, including my boyfriend. I was wearing a tight little black dress and I felt like a million dollars - something I NEVER felt before when I was bigger. We went to a bar, and during the course of the a few hours I was bought a drink by a few guys in my course (bought in a friendly way like "Oh let me get this one since I've got my wallet out", I assumed in my tipsyness). I would finish a drink with one, then 2 minutes later I was being bought one by another guy (no kissing any of them or anything sexual at all, but innocent flirting). I went to the toilet and felt like crying, I felt like such a tart. I was just loving that for the first time in my life very handsom men have been paying little old me a bit of attention calling me hot, telling me how pretty I was - something that my boyfriend, not being a romantic, does. In the past couple of weeks, I've had several nights like this. My confidence has rocketed and when I'm out now it's like I've got no limitations on what I can do and who I can talk to. I feel like before when I was larger, my body was a cage that kept me back in life from being who I was, and now that I'm out of that cage I'm so excited that I'm like a startled bird travelling at 100 miles an hour and when I sit down for a break it can frighten me. I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend (that isn't the issue here) but my innocent flirting and reactions to the attention is scaring me. I was up dancing on the tables and all sorts with my girlfriends. That's the sort of thing I would never of dreamed of doing before but now I have the confidence to do it but yet it feels like I should be sitting down in the corner like I used to do on nights out - because that's what I'm used to doing. I ended up going home early last night as I just couldn't handle the culture shock anymore. Like I said, I'm not worried that I'm going to cheat, I'm just loving the new found attention and I don't know how to handle it and it's really, really upsetting me just as much as it's lifting me up. My friends tell me "You're just a normal 20 year old now! Chill out! You're head's just not caught up with your body"
I don't really know what I'm asking for here - I suppose just a little bit of advice would be very comforting. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramble. If you've got to this point then you deserve a medal because I've just re-read the above and I sound like I've got such an inflated ego!
Many thanks xxxx
Sometimes I feel as if losing weight has given me far, far too much confidence. I'm only 20, and throughout my teenage years I was very large and never got much attention at school. I was looked down on, made fun of - not because I wasn't a nice person (I've always tried to be very kind to everyone) but because I was larger. I wouldn't say I was bullied, but the so-called popular kids generally stayed away and a good proportion of my school (who were slaves to the popular kids bidding) followed suit and joined in with snide remarks and sneers. I did get on well with everyone individually, but when people were in large groups I was usually an easy target. Like a lot of larger people will also relate with, I was also subject to abuse on the streets, people telling me "Move out the way fatso" etc. I learned to live with this, and I was lucky enough to come from a very loving family and had a close group of friends so that got me through.
Two years ago, I left school with a good set of exam marks and went to university. I absolutely love university - the people are so much more mature than the people at my school and for me I took it as a fresh start. I even got a boyfriend. At the end of last year, I felt that it was time for me to lose the weight that I felt restricted me my whole life. I started going to the gym, got a personal trainer eating healthy, going for regular beauty sessions. Seven months on and I'm now 8 and a half stone (lost just over 6 stone), got a healthy body and even last night won (in a charity ceremony) "Hottest female" for my course! Everyone's been telling me how fantastic I look. Especially in the last couple of weeks when I reached the 8 stone somethings and the gentle toning from the gym started paying off
People from school have met me in the supermarket and had to put their hands over their mouths in shock at how much I've changed. I know I sound like a boast but I'm just trying to give you a idea of what it's been like for me. Builders whistling, cars tooting their horns, guys flirting with me like there's no tomorrow, people being a WHOLE lot nicer to me now that I'm ''prettier'', free coffees, endless compliments, conductors letting me off with train fares, even lecturers being weirdly extra nice to me with deadlines etc - all this has hit me like a brick wall - and it's just happened in the last couple of weeks. That, combined with my low confidence etched on to me from my school year, is something that I'm finding it very hard to handle. This is where my problem is. I have never, ever, ever been given this type of attention and it's ruining me. It's boosted my ego and now I'm worried it's just boosted it too much. My confidence has soared and I'm terrified that that's a dangerous thing. Last night for instance, I was out with people from uni, including my boyfriend. I was wearing a tight little black dress and I felt like a million dollars - something I NEVER felt before when I was bigger. We went to a bar, and during the course of the a few hours I was bought a drink by a few guys in my course (bought in a friendly way like "Oh let me get this one since I've got my wallet out", I assumed in my tipsyness). I would finish a drink with one, then 2 minutes later I was being bought one by another guy (no kissing any of them or anything sexual at all, but innocent flirting). I went to the toilet and felt like crying, I felt like such a tart. I was just loving that for the first time in my life very handsom men have been paying little old me a bit of attention calling me hot, telling me how pretty I was - something that my boyfriend, not being a romantic, does. In the past couple of weeks, I've had several nights like this. My confidence has rocketed and when I'm out now it's like I've got no limitations on what I can do and who I can talk to. I feel like before when I was larger, my body was a cage that kept me back in life from being who I was, and now that I'm out of that cage I'm so excited that I'm like a startled bird travelling at 100 miles an hour and when I sit down for a break it can frighten me. I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend (that isn't the issue here) but my innocent flirting and reactions to the attention is scaring me. I was up dancing on the tables and all sorts with my girlfriends. That's the sort of thing I would never of dreamed of doing before but now I have the confidence to do it but yet it feels like I should be sitting down in the corner like I used to do on nights out - because that's what I'm used to doing. I ended up going home early last night as I just couldn't handle the culture shock anymore. Like I said, I'm not worried that I'm going to cheat, I'm just loving the new found attention and I don't know how to handle it and it's really, really upsetting me just as much as it's lifting me up. My friends tell me "You're just a normal 20 year old now! Chill out! You're head's just not caught up with your body"
I don't really know what I'm asking for here - I suppose just a little bit of advice would be very comforting. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramble. If you've got to this point then you deserve a medal because I've just re-read the above and I sound like I've got such an inflated ego!
Many thanks xxxx
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