Unsupportive Husband

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by MagicBeans23, 30 May 2014.

  1. MagicBeans23

    MagicBeans23 Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,

    I know there is another thread on this, because in commented on it myself lol, but I can't seem to find it.

    Re-started SW in Jan and have lost 1st 7lbs so far (accounting 2 holidays and a birthday in that stretch, I'm not doing toooo bad).

    I'm currently finding it really hard to stick to plan & I think it's partly due to my OH. I know I also am lacking in willpower etc, I don't for one minute blame him for my rut entirely, but.....

    In the beginning, OH wanted to lose weight too & we stuck to SW religiously, together.

    Since early April he has lost the will with it, which is fine, but not helping me. Our food shop is ridiculous because I'm basically buying 2 lots of shopping, one for me & one for him.

    Cooking tea is a nightmare, he often works late so I wait for him to get back by which point I'm starving and have likely snacked in that time. Then I have to cook 2 different meals because he doesn't want the SW stuff.

    I tried doing red days only with meat salad & veg, and then doing him the same but with carbs and sauces etc, but the meat got expensive & I didn't enjoy red days all the time.

    He comes home with 'treats' every Fri and complains I'm boring if I don't have a drink on a friend/sat night.


    I'm only 10lbs away from roughly where I want to be, but I'm finding it so hard at the minute I could cry. My gym class has been cancelled & I'm struggling to find an alternative, money is tight so I'm buying cheaper options.

    I honestly feel like throwing in the towel & just being fat for the rest of my life because it's easier :(
  2. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    You are doing very well and your goal is very near and now you want to sabotage yourself out of frustration which makes no sense but so many of us on here can identify with you as sometimes we are more afraid of our own success than we are of failure.

    We have no control over what others do...it is an illusion if you think otherwise... but we have control over ourselves and here lies the key to your own success and future happiness.

    You have got to do what you feel is right for you and I know it is hard when you are living with someone else and trying to please them at the same time.

    What has changed?

    Have you talked to him?

    Is he insecure about you losing weight?

    It is surprising how married men in general can feel threatened
    when their wife begins to look slim and attractive...it can make them feel insecure.

    Does he feel a failure because he found it difficult to stick with the diet?

    Have you asked him him is there anyway you can make changes to the diet that would satisfy him?

    He could include a treat night once a week on SW as long as he agrees to stick to just the one night...lots of people save their syns for a treat night.

    Men can eat a lot more than women and still lose weight...true but unfair:)

    Why does he prefer now to comfort eat instead of wanting to lose weight and get healthy?

    You can make yourself up low syn treats if he really wants your company...just make better options for yourself...I am sure our members could give you loads of help on this one.

    Just because you do not want to eat unhealthy food or drink does not make you boring...he is just looking for someone to share the guilt with as it will make him feel better about what he is doing to his own body. I use to do that myself buy in loads of unhealthy 'treats' because it made me feel good to share my guilt...in my own head I thought I was being nice or at least this is what I told myself...denial is wonderful.:sigh:

    Walking is free so is dancing to your favourite song and everyone or mostly everyone I know are buying cheaper options and looking out for bargain buys as a lot of shops do have good specials every week and the savvy shopper has to hunt them down.

    There are plenty of basic family meals that are healthy and not expensive that both of you can enjoy them...Spaghetti Bolognese, omelets, stews, home made soups, chicken, salads,big healthy fry up, home made burger and SW chips, baked potatoes and beans, scrambled egg on toast, fish pie, cottage pie, roast veggies, fruit etc....the list is endless...try and keep it simple.

    You know that is not want you want for yourself otherwise you would not of put in so much hard work to get this far...pat yourself on the back and claim what you have achieved so far...it is not easy, for if it was none of us would be here now trying to lose our weight.:hug99:

    Losing weight is hard

    Maintaining your weight is hard

    Staying fat is hard

    Choose your hard...
  3. If you are doing the shopping, and you are doing the cooking, and it appears you are doing the budgeting as well, what is he doing? You say you are doing two lots of shopping and that you "have to" cook two separate meals.

    For someone who is not appreciative of what you are doing, and has the cheek to call you boring?

    Next time he calls you boring, tell him that you won't put up with insults. That you will eat and drink what you want to eat and drink, and it's not up to him.

    It's time to take back a bit of control of the situation.
  4. MagicBeans23

    MagicBeans23 Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies. :) Need to get a grip & get back on the wagon!
    Mini likes this.
  5. Donna79

    Donna79 Member

    My hubby is difficult too. I always cook two meals on an evening. He only eats food in breadcrumbs with chips which doesnt help me with SW. He is pudding and chocolate mad too. My only saviour was when he tried diet coke and liked it. I have started shopping in Aldi and Iceland to save a bit of money.

    It is so frustrating because we cant go out for a nice meal together unless the restaurant does burgers. Its like living with a child.

    I just have to keep going and focus on what matters to me. Five stone off so far with another 2st to go.

    Keep it up. You can do it. X
  6. lardylady

    lardylady Well-Known Member

    The voice of reason!!
  7. Jeanne Von Buttonpopper

    Jeanne Von Buttonpopper Reformed biscuit dunker

    Totally agree with Anna and LL on this. Why cook two meals?? You are making a rod for your own back. Cook one meal and if he doesn't like it then tough! There are plenty of recipes that can be reheated or add extras for him to suit his taste. You eat your dinner and he can have his later. I understand it's nice to eat together but that isn't always practical if one of you comes home late. If that doesn't work perhaps he might like to cook his own?

    With regards to the weekend, I really don't mean to be rude but your husband is behaving like a child who cannot get his own way. I think you need to sit him down and explain to him how important this is and that you want his support not his resentfulness.

    I hope things improve for you :)
  8. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Well-Known Member

    My OH doesn't do SW & I fit in meals fine with him, the beauty of SW is that the meals are family friendly & not 'diet' meals.

    For example we'll have SW chips for tea with veggies & he'll have chicken, I'm not really a big meat eater so I'll have quorn, there a meal which suits all.

    What does OH want to eat?

    This can be done, it just takes more thinking.

    Could you make say spag bol, you have your tea when you get home & he eats when he gets in, you could have yours with spaghetti & make chips for him, not really two meals, but a compromise.

    With weekends could you save some syns for then, how about just having 5 syns per day then the rest at weekend, that way you'll be having a treat with OH & still sticking to plan.
  9. Mrs CC

    Mrs CC Well-Known Member

    Don't cook two meals. My OH is a fussy eater and if he doesn't want what I'm making for LO and I he makes his own. I work shifts and wouldn't for a minute expect my OH to wait to eat with me. We just do what suits one another each day.

    As for calling you boring, tell your OH you can have a perfectly good time without rubbish, and it says a lot more about him that he feels he needs those things to have a good time with you.

    For all he is making it difficult, it is up to you whether or not you let him. I've been bad in the past for putting my own needs last and it's only really now I've realised I have to start putting my own needs first otherwise I will be a fat housewife and mother forever!! You can do this on your own!!
  10. Cai

    Cai has a thin girl inside!

    OMG this is me!!
    I've finally found a curry restaurant he likes and we go maybe 4 times a year - I have curry and rice. He orders breads, chips etc. It's funny isn't it.

    Whoever invented breadcrumbs should be shot!! Lol
  11. Cai

    Cai has a thin girl inside!

    My hubby doesn't follow SW (although I'm sure there's a couple of stone he could lose!!) and is also a big chocolate an take away eater!!

    To compromise, I have agreed to 1 take away a month (usually after pay day) and I eat whatever I want - and refuse to feel guilty!!

    Then one other weekend night a week I make him frozen piazza and me something I fancy - it's just like a take away and if I make sure mine is synfree I can then have a treat extra - we r not big drinkers in the house.

    What kinda treats does he buy?
  12. Donna79

    Donna79 Member

    My hubby wont eat curry. We went for an indian with friends and he had chicken nuggets and chips. Im glad its not just me afterall. All my friends think my hubby is weird. Lol
  13. Beckieee

    Beckieee Well-Known Member

    Sorry to see you're feeling down, you have done so so well and look at how far you have come in 6 months, amazing stuff. I know how you feel with OH, my OH is naturally slim and eats lots of rubbish, I try and get to eat healthier but it doesn't work. Have you tried maybe asking him to make his tea after he gets in from work or making your tea and then maybe saving what he can have and then warming it up later on and adding the non SW food he wants? Might not be for you but an idea possibly :D

    In regards toe gym is there anywhere you could run? I find running a very good way of stress relief and maybe your OH could join you on a weekend?

    keep your chin up, you've done fantastic and will be at goal before you know it.

    Mini likes this.
  14. I am constantly amazed when I have read posts over the years on this forum, how many women seem to live with men who behave as if they are about five years old! Who can't or won't look after themselves, care nothing about their health, and feel they have the right to insult their partners.
  15. RebekahR

    RebekahR Well-Known Member

    Prioritise yourself and your health and happiness

    Can you go walking/running with a friend? ??

    make one meal and serve it up.. or let him prepare his own! .. hunger will soon strike! !

    Find something enjoyable for the weekend - go for a nice walk / pop to a friends house for a pamper night

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to get healthy !!!

    It is **** and sometimes tough love is the best! !


    Sent from my GT-I9300 using MiniMins.com mobile app
  16. Mrs CC

    Mrs CC Well-Known Member

    I honestly believe it goes hand in hand with being overweight. I know in my case I have put my OH's needs ahead of my own. I should say it's not due to any pressure from him. It's down to the fact I'm insecure and feel that if I don't he won't love me. When in reality he doesn't give two hoots! But I can see how some other fellas might suddenly start getting in a grump when their OH's start putting their own needs first.

    I blame their mothers for pandering to them and doing everything for them when they were younger. I know my MIL did that with her boys. Funnily enough she is also overweight and puts everyone else before herself, then would complain about it!!
  17. MagicBeans23

    MagicBeans23 Well-Known Member

    Haven't got time to reply individually right now but wanted to let you all know I'm very thankful for all your responses and it's definitely given me something to think about. Much of your advice has been tried and tested already, but I think I need to stick at it rather than giving up to please him. I feel like I've made him out to be a terrible person, he's not, he's an amazing husband and very supportive in lots of ways....just not with weightloss lol. Which is ironic, as he was the one who suggested I could lose a few pounds many years ago....
  18. MagicBeans23

    MagicBeans23 Well-Known Member

    Don't even get me started on the MIL.... Lol.
  19. I have a friend who buys all her husband's clothes - socks, pants, shirts, everything - because apparently he is incapable of doing so himself. His mother always bought his clothes before he was married.

    The only thing he will get himself is suits and shoes, only because he has to try them on, and she has to go with him!

    She says that if he goes to buy things himself he comes back with the wrong sizes. What??? How can it possibly be that a grown man doesn't know what size socks he takes?

    It makes me wonder about their self-respect. What self-respecting grownup wants someone else buying their clothes? To my mind it is weird behaviour, but she is enabling it.

    Sorry, rant over.
  20. lardylady

    lardylady Well-Known Member

    Isn't your free time valuable too?! I half wondered if this was a wind up!!!

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