Update on elderly lady downstairs

[suepat10]

At the beginning of December I was talking about the elderly lady downstairs (93) who had fallen and was taken in to hospital and I was saying about the French couple who used to complain about her telly being loud and threatened her with the police (that has no bearing on anything except to jog memories).

Since then I've found out that the woman next door has a key and helps look after her so if there's any problems I can just give her a knock. I'm going to call the woman downstairs 'S' & the woman next door 'J' for ease.

About once a fortnight or so I have to give J a knock during the night. In addition to that sometimes S pushes her lifeline button and they phone the nephew who lives about 30mins away who rings J.

Thursday morning before last, about 3.30am, S was shouting. I went downstairs and she was standing at the bottom. She said her bed was cold and she needed a hot water bottle. I encouraged her to go in to her flat while I got the J .... but she had locked herself out. I fetched J who got her back inside.

I should point out that S has a walking frame, isn't very mobile and is in the early stages of dementia so the fact she has taken herself outside her flat on her own is worrying. I'm concerned she will 'forget' all that and let herself out the front door as she will go headfirst off the front doorstep.

5am yesterday morning S was calling out. Her bedroom is under my son's so he hears and wakes us. I got J. she then came up and knocked on our door asking for help as S had fallen and J can't lift her on her own.

J has since told me she called the emergency doctor late yesterday afternoon (he took 6 hours to arrive) who diagnosed a cracked rib. My feeling is that although they can't do much for a cracked rib, surely a 93 year old would need supervision?

At 3am this morning my son woke me up as S was absolutely shrieking. I got J who called an ambulance. It's 3.45am and they've just put her in (in a chair as opposed to on a stretcher) and driven off.

This is probably going to sound very evil, and I promise I'm not, but a bit of me hopes they keep her in for a couple of nights so I can get a good nights sleep. Currently I go to sleep expecting to be woken up so therefore don't sleep properly. Plus it wakes up my son who's back to school today and when he wakes me up my OH also wakes up and he has to leave for work at 6am and then drive lorries.

Sorry for the ramble - just tired and grumpy.

 

[Leapfrog]

Sue, I can understand how you feel - but don't be hard on yourself. You have been wonderful support for this lady, but whilst this is admirable in this day and age, at the end of the day, she's not your responsibility and you have your own life and responsibilities to your family. Neither is she the responsibility of your neighbour. Has she no family of her own?

Perhaps this stay in hospital will be a good thing for all concerned and will put her in contact with social services and/or her family who will be able to provide the help she so obviously needs on a full time basis.

 

[Donnie46]

I expect that while she is hospital Social Services will assess your elderly lady to see if she can be sent home again - I think maybe they will be suggesting that she be sent to a Nursing Home as she can no longer really look after herself.

So maybe she won't be back at all, and I don't think you are evil at all, just a caring neighbour who has to think of her family first, you have been marvellous with her up to now, and that is so very kind and caring of you, considering the neighbours she had before.

 

[sarahm85]

I used to work in housing a couple of years ago and it concerns me a lot that she has been living on her own in the physical/mental state she is in. I'm surprised her family has allowed this as well. Hopefully SS will recognise that living independently is not best for her.

You have done a lot for this lady, but at the end of the day it really shouldn't be you caring for her!

 

[Roz V]

Sue, like Donnie, I think that it is possible that they would find a nursing home place for her. I certainly do hope so, the situation for you and your family - and J - is unbearable, and will only get worse. You have done so much for S, but it CANNOT continue. A couple of undisturbed nights will not restore things for you all.

The only thing is, I have no idea what the situation would be if she INSISTS on coming home. She clearly cannot look after herself, and you have all been heroic in your efforts to help. But it's not like just popping down to see if she's OK on a daily basis, regularly disturbed nights will quickly take their toll on anybody.

I feel desperately sorry for S - I always think "supposing she was me" - but something has GOT to be done, and done now. It's odd, but I have often thought about you all since you first posted, and I bet I'm not the only one, so many thanks for updating us.

All that I can add is that I hope that the situation is resolved as soon as possible, and to say again that I think that what you have done so far has been absolutely marvellous.

 

[judimac]

Sue you have been wonderful. If I were you I would ring social services and flag up your concerns, and tell them how it is impacting on your lives. They need to have all the facts, and ultimately she is not your responsibility. (easy for me to say) Unfortunately if she insists on coming back to her flat, then they have to abide by her wishes.

 

[*EB*]

Sue - I think you have been more than considerate, and thinking about her welfare all the time. A lot of people would have lost patience and just ignored her. You really are a star! x

I hope that they evaluate her condition, before sending her to the flat. Perhaps this is happening already, but she wants to hold on to her independance as long as she can - who knows....if she does come home, it may be worth you speaking to the lady who cares for her (J?) and asking if she is thinking along the same lines as you - as it must be quite a disturbance for you both.

Good luck, and well done on being such a neighbourly sort.....i am sure that there are not many with your level of kindness and understanding left! xxxx

 

[Happy Holidays]

Sue you've been very caring & patient with your neighbour. I agree with all that has been said, & my only other comments are could you contact the nephew & let him know what's happening. If the family don't visit that often they won't know how she is.x

 

[suepat10]

S is still in hospital.

I had a chat with J Wednesday before last (days have flown and didn't realise how long ago that was!!!) and she said S's nephew is going to have a chat with her to persuade her to move to a nursing home.

It's ever so sad. Until December 2008 she was healthy and spritely (bearing in mind she was over 90 then). Somehow the door in the local Abbey National smashed in to her hip and broke it and she spent a few months in hospital.

Since then she has had to use a walking frame, can only get out the house if J is with her (takes 30 mins to walk to the hair dresser which takes me 1-2 minutes). Her mind is slowly wandering more and more and she doesn't really have much to keep her going.

Her nephew lives in Eastbourne which is about 20-30 minutes drive away. S comes from Eastbourne and for some reason moved this way so it's understandable nephew still lives there.

I've been keeping my eyes open for some books and magazines that she may be interested in for J to take up the hospital next time she visits. When I find some and drop them round to J I'll get an update xx

 

[Donnie46]

It is doubtful whether she will be able to come home Sue as it looks like she will not be able to care for herself now.

It is such a shame as she has been so active and able to cope until recently.

You have been fantastic to her for the short time you have lived there, you should be very proud of the fact that you and the other neighbour have been so good to her.

Bless her, I hope she finds a nice place to settle.

 

[Leapfrog]

She's very lucky to have caring "strangers" like you and J. I hope she is happy, wherever she ends up going and that you (and J) will be able to relax, knowing she is receiving the care she needs.