msblonde
a new way of living!
Hi everyone,
is it me, or is planning a wedding an invitation for family members to suddenly announce their hatred for one another??
I had a dilema, I want my ten year neice to be a bridesmaid, and knew she would love to do it for me.
unfortunately, she lives in kent, I live in devon, and my brother (her dad) lives in chichester. a bit of a logisical nightmare.
OH had said from the start that we should invite her mom (my brothers ex wife) both my brother and his ex wife have remarried and both had children in their new marriages, and both happy and have moved on.
when discussing the logistical nightmare of getting everyone to devon, my brother said 'there is no way I can travel from chicester to kent to devon' (he has a 3 year old - so would be a hell journey if he screamed all day) I suggested to him that he go to kent one day and to devon the next, but he said it was 'impossible' (wedding sept this year).
so I said, well I was thinking of inviting kate (ex wife) as she is mother of bridesmaid and would be nice to see her daughter get dressed up like a princess (me and ex always go on well too) but I was unsure how you and sarah would feel with your ex there?...
and my brother said 'oh I dont mind at all, and that would solve the problem of how to get her to devon, good idea!' I was delighted that a logisical issue had (subject to everyone being free and not on holiday etc) so I rang kate, asked if my neice could be bridesmaid and that her and hubby and new baby welcome too, etc, she was over the moon, my neice was excited, logisitcs sorted and school informed of a day off for neice (for travel the day before).
all great eh? you would think so...
so my dad had a fanny on him saying that my sister in law (brothers current wife) would not be happy, would prob not come, and not let my nephew be page boy! I was astounded and assured him he was mistaken as I had already asked my brother and he said all was good.
so, worried now I contacted my brother and said that dad had an odd idea of ensuing problems.... expecting him to say bah! dont be daft, all is good as I said....
you can see whats coming cant you!?
yup, brother announced that he didn't mind at all but new wife would rather boil her head then share air space with his ex!
I was like, so why did you tell me it was ok?!?!?!
so a few weeks pass, and my mom (bless her) calms everyone down and sister in law is coming aparantly now and will 'behave but ignore' ex wife.
fine, ok, not like we will all be sitting on the same table holding hands singing cum by are all evening, there is a table plan, wives and ex's at approprate distance, neice on top table so no arguments about who she sits with...
all good??
no, talking to my brother today, he has now told me that me inviting his ex is about as appropriate as asking everyone to turn up naked! although I asked him, and he encouraged me to invite her, he is now telling me there will be an atmosphere if not a row...
??? am I missing something here??
so I remind him that I asked him and what he said and he said that he didn't think I would invite her, as would just not have a bridesmaid??? what???!?!!!????
grrr!!!!!
I am 39 years old on friday, I have never been married and never had kids, I feel like a last chance spinster who found a night in shining armour by good fortune, and I am being told that by wanting my neice as a bridesmaid and wanting her mum to see her look lovely and pretty on the day I am being inappropriate!
now, dont get me wrong, I am not being insensitive. I did not invite ex without a long and frank discussion with brother, who assured me that all was well.. to invite her and not say and her turn up may well be classed as insensitive and inappropriate (although I struggle with this too to be honest, but would understand it better)
I blooming well made a point to ask, to make sure, he was ok with it and assumed that he would of course be speaking for both him and new wife.
also, they have both remarried, one did not dump one for the other, they are both post divorce relationships. and although I know there can be tension with sharing dates etc for children, all I want is about 3 hours of them to share air space, for my wedding.
am I missing something here? can you ask a question, get a yes (with enthusiasm) and then have the rug pulled from under your feet the next moment?
my mom doesn't get what is wrong with them, and said its not too much to ask for one day (not even half a day, late wedding, a meal and no evening bash)
even my ex partner is coming (still good friends) and my brother is on good terms with his ex, even if only for the sake of their daughter.
please someone help me make sense of this, I feel like telling them all to sod off and nipping up to gretna green!
sorry for the long rant, I just dont get it.
is it me, or is planning a wedding an invitation for family members to suddenly announce their hatred for one another??
I had a dilema, I want my ten year neice to be a bridesmaid, and knew she would love to do it for me.
unfortunately, she lives in kent, I live in devon, and my brother (her dad) lives in chichester. a bit of a logisical nightmare.
OH had said from the start that we should invite her mom (my brothers ex wife) both my brother and his ex wife have remarried and both had children in their new marriages, and both happy and have moved on.
when discussing the logistical nightmare of getting everyone to devon, my brother said 'there is no way I can travel from chicester to kent to devon' (he has a 3 year old - so would be a hell journey if he screamed all day) I suggested to him that he go to kent one day and to devon the next, but he said it was 'impossible' (wedding sept this year).
so I said, well I was thinking of inviting kate (ex wife) as she is mother of bridesmaid and would be nice to see her daughter get dressed up like a princess (me and ex always go on well too) but I was unsure how you and sarah would feel with your ex there?...
and my brother said 'oh I dont mind at all, and that would solve the problem of how to get her to devon, good idea!' I was delighted that a logisical issue had (subject to everyone being free and not on holiday etc) so I rang kate, asked if my neice could be bridesmaid and that her and hubby and new baby welcome too, etc, she was over the moon, my neice was excited, logisitcs sorted and school informed of a day off for neice (for travel the day before).
all great eh? you would think so...
so my dad had a fanny on him saying that my sister in law (brothers current wife) would not be happy, would prob not come, and not let my nephew be page boy! I was astounded and assured him he was mistaken as I had already asked my brother and he said all was good.
so, worried now I contacted my brother and said that dad had an odd idea of ensuing problems.... expecting him to say bah! dont be daft, all is good as I said....
you can see whats coming cant you!?
yup, brother announced that he didn't mind at all but new wife would rather boil her head then share air space with his ex!
I was like, so why did you tell me it was ok?!?!?!
so a few weeks pass, and my mom (bless her) calms everyone down and sister in law is coming aparantly now and will 'behave but ignore' ex wife.
fine, ok, not like we will all be sitting on the same table holding hands singing cum by are all evening, there is a table plan, wives and ex's at approprate distance, neice on top table so no arguments about who she sits with...
all good??
no, talking to my brother today, he has now told me that me inviting his ex is about as appropriate as asking everyone to turn up naked! although I asked him, and he encouraged me to invite her, he is now telling me there will be an atmosphere if not a row...
??? am I missing something here??
so I remind him that I asked him and what he said and he said that he didn't think I would invite her, as would just not have a bridesmaid??? what???!?!!!????
grrr!!!!!
I am 39 years old on friday, I have never been married and never had kids, I feel like a last chance spinster who found a night in shining armour by good fortune, and I am being told that by wanting my neice as a bridesmaid and wanting her mum to see her look lovely and pretty on the day I am being inappropriate!
now, dont get me wrong, I am not being insensitive. I did not invite ex without a long and frank discussion with brother, who assured me that all was well.. to invite her and not say and her turn up may well be classed as insensitive and inappropriate (although I struggle with this too to be honest, but would understand it better)
I blooming well made a point to ask, to make sure, he was ok with it and assumed that he would of course be speaking for both him and new wife.
also, they have both remarried, one did not dump one for the other, they are both post divorce relationships. and although I know there can be tension with sharing dates etc for children, all I want is about 3 hours of them to share air space, for my wedding.
am I missing something here? can you ask a question, get a yes (with enthusiasm) and then have the rug pulled from under your feet the next moment?
my mom doesn't get what is wrong with them, and said its not too much to ask for one day (not even half a day, late wedding, a meal and no evening bash)
even my ex partner is coming (still good friends) and my brother is on good terms with his ex, even if only for the sake of their daughter.
please someone help me make sense of this, I feel like telling them all to sod off and nipping up to gretna green!
sorry for the long rant, I just dont get it.