Hi Reshmus.
This is so funny, not 10 minutes ago I was wondering how ou were doing! That's no word of a lie - just a few minutes ago, and then >poof!< Here you are!!
Good question. For me, at this stage of my life, the main thing is I will stop hurting. Since I have gained all this weight, nearly everything I do hurts. I have no had a day free of pain, honestly, in I cannot remember how long. I hate hearing myself. Every day its 'Ow--this hurts' or 'Ow--that hurts'. My poor husband must think I am such a moaner. But I have a high tolerance for pain (I once drove myself to work and got through the day on crutches, not knowing I had two broken knees....), so when I say it hurts, it really does.
That had made me age mentally, an awful lot, and I just can't stand it. So to be pain free is a dream.
Secondly, I would say for better self esteem and confidence. I know that there will be other factors to make that happen - but the weight is a big issue for me. I want to look at myself in the mirror and like who I see....rathar then look at me, sneer in dusgust and turn away muttering something hateful to myself. THis is getting better now that I am doing this, but before that - the chatter in my head was brutal.
Then come what for me will be icing on the cake. To be able to sit on my husbands lap. I have NEVER sat on a partners lap. EVER. To be able to wear vesty type tops, shorts, etc., in summer and not be ashamed. To be able to swim, in public. To not feel that every eye in sight is looking at me in disgust. That is how it has felt for me for years. To be able to ride my motorbike, and feel it is OK being so publicly exposed. To not cringe if I see someone looking at me, imagining what they are thinking. THat will be nice.
ANd then to be able to dress somewhat stylishly. I am not going to be a slave to fashion. I was once, and it was too expensive! lol....but I want to take an interest again, and wear nice things and feel comfortable in them.
I know losing the weight is not the sole key to happiness....and like you...will reach weights where I once was when events in my life drove the scales higher, and I will have to fave those moments with a brave and honest face, and be able to put them in pespective, and the put them away. That will not be an easy task, but it won't be an impossible one either.
And, I just, for once in my life, want to be thin and know it, and feel comfortable in my own skin. Just once.
And then, I want to walk past the young ladies at work who look right through me, and when they then decide to give me a nod, or an 'alright?' as they pass me in the halls, I want to look right through them. (thats my devil on my shoulder speaking). But it's true. Or I want to go find the three teenagers who were walking ahead of me day before yesterday who turned around to see who was behind them and then started laughing amongst themselves....I want to find them and tell them one day that could be them. oooooh.....really feeling devilish.
Losing weight means the world to me.