What is wrong with me?

[xmelonxx]

Im sorry for this long post this morning, I just don't know who else to speak to I am at the end of my thether.

I feel so low and down right now and I feel so paraniod that there is something seriously wrong with me.

I work in a horrible office where 2 faced people and *****ing is a common daily occurence. I am a very shy person and In situations where I feel uncomfortable I may come across as moody, I also unfortunatley have one of those faces where when I am day dreaming on concentrate i look mad or miserable and now I am stuck with the nickname 'Moody Mel'.. :cry:

I have been here 18 months and I finally leave in 3 weeks after finding a new job So really I wont have much to worry about soon.

The problem is that working here has made me lose my confidence , self esteem in myself. People in work seem to dislike me for some reason or another. People use a instant messaging tool inwork and talk about me to each other right under my nose and people always say oh is happy mel or moody mel today. Its driven me mad to the point were I dont want to talk to my collegues or even be nice to them. Its effected me so much I come home from work and just cry and get stressed easily over it all. Im worried that I do have problem where people think im moody and miserable when I am not im genreally a happy bubbly person when around my friends and family.

Its really getting me down and I am really thinking of walking out instead of working my notice :-(

Even outside of work i feel like people are contantly judging me and I have become very negative and self criticle about my whole self. My boyfriend compliments me and I cant handle it. I just have nothing lft I dont even know who I am any more.

I don't know what to do i feel like im losing control of myself and my life. I feel great about getting a new job but my confidence is just so low right now.

I have had a really rocky 2 years i left my boyfriend of 6 year, April 09 and our home to move 150 miles back home to parents. Then I got in to an abusive relationship and finally I have met someone who loves me and wants to build a life with me. I want this too but I really need to learn to love myself or I will just drive him away he is a rare gem and I dont want to lose him. I just feel so unsettled in myself.

Sorry for long post .. x

 

[pinacalada]

I know what you mean about confidence! My work sounds alot like yours....2-faced etc always looking at a way to pull you down so my confidence has hit rock bottom and has turned me even more shy than i was before! My weight certainly doesn't help me with my confidence which is another reason i've trying to lose weight!

Everyone has their down days but just think at least you don't have such a sad boring life that you have to talk about people behind their backs and make up nicknames for other people.

Keep your chin up you've got a new job to look forward to and a lovely bf by the sounds of things!

 

[Lucky7]

Oh - I really do feel for you. It's terrible being in that situation. If you have a sympathetic GP it may be worth speaking to them as (a) they may be able to arrange councelling for you so you could talk through your worries. I think the way you feel goes a lot deeper than those nasty people at work - they were just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. And (b) your GP might be able to sign you off so hat you have some recovery time before you start at your new post.

Have you explained to the boss / HR person about the nasty atmosphere in the office? Really it is in their interests to be addressing this, as people need to feel safe and content at work in order for them to fulfil their potential and give their best work to the company.

I know it probably doen't make you feel any better, but I bet that at least some of those people at work would be mortified to realize that they have upset you this much.

Good luck with your new job - and take care xx

 

[kingleds]

Hi hunny - it sounds like you are doing the right thing by getting out of a posionous atmosphere, but i really would suggest you get yourself to the docs and organise some counselling asap. You don't want to go into the new job feeling , dare i say it, paranoid, about how your new colleagues feel about you. Also, i'd be tempted to ask v reasonably of one of your current colleagues why they see you as grumpy mel - see if they respond with anything. I once had a boss who told me i came over as grumpy in the office - i hadn't for one second thought i was!! But made a conscious effort from then to be more outwardly happy. Then i left and found a job where i didn't need to make an effort to be happy - it just came naturally.

So- much as you may not like to admit it - its possible you are being a bit grumpy at work, because you don't like it there.
Take care hun & good luck in the new job x

 

[xmelonxx]

Thanks everyone your words mean alot.

I have been to my doc but Ihave had problems with them too she just wrote me a presciption for anti - depressants withoyt talkingto my analysing me or anything, i just said im feeling down and she was like here you go. I dont want to take pills for anything. I didnt take them and havent been back since.

 

[Auburn]

Hey melon
First off, bloody well done for getting a new job!! I hope that is me soon, I'm in much the same situation... incidentally, the fact that you went for a new job, and did the interview and PASSED the interview, says to me that the confidence is in there somewhere, you just might have to dig a bit deeper to get it owing to the nasty atmosphere you are currently on at work.

I wouldn't advise walking out before you've done your notice, it don't look good on your record. Do you have any holiday leave you can take before you finish? Keep a post it note of how many days left you have, at work, and cross off each day one by one, its far more motivating than it sounds!

As for the anti depressants, they shoulda asked if you wanted them first, that's rubbish.
In my town, there is a free counselling service, I went to them when I moved up here, back in with my parents, after a 6yr relationship ended and my head was a mess. It had a bit of a waitlist but the time soon passed, and it helped. I didn't have to get referred as it was a charity run thing. It was called ACIS, my one, run by the Mental Health Association. It might be worth a Google to see if there's something similar near you

Chin up, not long til your fab new job starts x

 

[xmelonxx]

Thanks for your reply. I think thats im feeling like this because of alot of reasons.

I dont have free councelling around here i dont think I had a google.

Im having a particularly bad day today in work working 7-7 and my senior colleuge is making my life hell. :-S Its so pathetic. only 8hr 40 mins to go! God help me.

 

[Cleogin]

Hi Melon

I totally agree with Auburn, the fact you have got yourself out there and got yourself another job does show that you have some confidence in there somewhere. Also the people that offered you the job must have seen something too. Not all jobs are given on qualifications alone, and they should be looking to see how you will fit in with the people they already have.
I really feel for you, as once in a negative state it is so hard to get out of
After reading your posts take confidence from these points you have made
a) found the courage to leave an abusive partner
b) Find a lovely new partner
c) give up smoking
d) find a new job
and finally...... start a weight loss programme.

Phew that's a lot of good things
Please try and take these as the positive steps that they are. The "improved" you is there for the taking and a fresh start is exactly what you need. Try and make 2011 the year for you.
There are loads of people on here to chat to if you are feeling a bit pants...
Wishing you every happiness in your new job remember you work to live not live to work!

 

[kingleds]

Melon - there are alot of charitys that will do counselling for a nomimal fee - thats what i did and paid £5 per session. It really helped me massively. As for happy pills - don't take them if u don't want to - and your doctor was v irresponsible for handing out a prescription for them without having a proper chat about things. Even if u take them they are not a cure on their own - unless you have a chemical imbalance - and your doc did not spend enough time with you to diagnose that. If nothing else -try the samaritans xxx

 

[Lucky7]

Hi Melon - was just thinking about you. Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today. The end of another week with those negativity leeches. Won't be long now til you can wave goodbye to them.

xx

 

[Lisa123]

Hiya. I don't know what u r going through but what I do know is u r a million times better than these people who are just weak bullies. You need to focus on ur new job and when these nasty little people do something just take a deep breath and push their comments to the side. Look at ur future. You have so much to look forward to including being slim. X

 

[Bree]

Oh hun i am so sorry to hear that, bullying bi*c*es ,
i know there is really nothing i can say to make you feel better as your the one who is facing this, But here is a huge hug (((((((((melon)))))))))))), xxxx

 

[*EB*]

I hate bullies.

I would love you to write them a letter saying EXACTLY what you think of them and how they are the smallest minded bunch of idiots you have ever met. But a) they probably wont understand the big words and b) they dont care because they are idiots and only know how to be bullies.

Keep your head high - you are on countdown to leaving. I applaud your bravery for putting up with them for the last few weeks.

Lots of love EB xxx

 

[Trefoil]

Hi melon,
I think that once your confidence dips in one area it dips in all which is probably why you feel uncomfortable both out of work and in work.
Im currently suing my ex-employees for constructive dismissal and also after I had an accident there. I was on their trainee management scheme after leaving university for them and being told I was 'ideal' and that I basically couldn't put a foot wrong. After my accident I was bullied to hell by 75% of the staff and management and ignored by most. I was regularly shouted at, given a disciplinary, told I was too fat to fit in my uniform, scrutinised by what I ate in the canteen on my lunchbreak and cried nearly everyday. To put it bluntly I went from being a trainee manager to skewering raw chickens for 9 hours a day-they wouldnt even provide me with gloves after I became allergic to some of the handwash.

Now ive left things are so much better- and you've got all of that to come! I felt like a real weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my smile was plain to see!!! You've come through so much and you really should be proud of yourself, I still struggle with trusting my boyfriend when he compliments me and my family too. I know that this will improve with time but when I walk into that famous branded supermarket that my claim is against and (very few) people ask how my new job is I couldn't be more complimentary and happy if you know what I mean

Bullies are only jealous of you, my mum always taught me that they want what you have and they don't. Im having counselling for other reasons and get that provided for free by my GP does anyone else get that? Try and keep your chin up (i know its easy to say that) and think about how far you've come and how well you've done with the events that have unfolded in your life. You should be so proud of yourself, having a great boyfriend, giving up smoking (I see!), your new job which I bet your really excited for, and your weight loss journey 11lb is a great amount to lose!!! Just think about your end goals and how well you've done!

I would say to you, work your notice for definite, don't let the silly bullies think they've won! It may be really hard but think about the end product and hopefully that should keep you going!

I hope this helps! Sorry for the long message!!!!
Just shout if you need anything

Ruth
x

 

[Shirleen]

You know you only have a few days left, mess with their heads...pretend to get a PM and laugh and look at the worst of the bullies, as if checking on what someone has just said.
Smile to yourself, it'll kill them wondering why!

 

[xmelonxx]

Thanks for your messages everyone your so kind. Thursday was a real bad day I actually ended up walking out :-( I asked my boss If i could go home sick as I had a migraine after a morning of stress over parking believe it or not - basically we have limited parking at work and only certain members of staff can park, others have to find somewhere else which is a nightmare as parking permits all over. I parked in work thursday as I was running late and the station carpark wasn't accepting my coins - i didnt want to get a ticket. I emailed my boss and explained this and then someone else got involved and it got out of hand its pathetic.

After I asked to go, She said wait a minute I waited an hour then emailed and asked again, still no reply to I went. She then phoned me up shouting down the phone calling me disrespectful and rude.

I am in on Monday then I have 3 days off, I get paid Thursday till the end of the month and I have decided not to go back in after that day. I cant put up with it any longer. Its just too much :-(

I know its the wrong way to go about it but at least i'l have 10 days off work before i start my new job and can be relaxed and refreshed. Its like everyones ganging up on me as I am leaving. Its horrible. Im dreading tomorrow.

Thanks Again everyone xx

 

[Bree]

Wow hun you have had it rough, your boss had no right ringing you up and speaking to you that way,
At the end of the day your health is the most important thing hun, hold your head up and as your leaving smile sweetly and give them the finger