Melanie said:
But whenever I went to Evans and bought anything, I'd hide the carrier bag inside another carrier bag in the shop so no one saw I'd been the the big girls shop! Also, if I picked anything up in other shops, I'd put my hand over the size thingy on the coat hanger until I got to the till so no one knew what size I was getting - like they couldn't see by looking at me that I wasn't a 12!!!! The things we do......
I did similar things when shopping during my Uni years. I'd go to the till, with bags of buttons, mint humbugs, digestive biscuits and 1 small bag of lettuce. As though the Lettuce made me look smaller, or made it look as though I actually ate heathily!
I guess guys and gals do the same things in some cases eh?
For me, I think it is all about state of mind.
For the first time in my whole life (all 23 years of it, whoop!) I actually feel I can be "adult" enough to take accountability for my own well being. Sounds daft saying it, and feels daft writing it, but when it comes to personal responsability, I have firmly spend my first 22 years as a 13 year old.
Throughout my childhood, I was always big.
At 4 months old, I was drinking so much milk the doctors told my mum to give me real food! Even before I had any concept of self-image, what it meant to be fat or thin etc. I was overweight.
Going to school aged 6 in age 11 shirts just didn't register at the time; after all, what 6 year old cares about weight and image? (well, maybe these days, but not when I were a lad, oh no! lol)
It also didn't help that everyone in my family is big (and I dont just mean fat. We are all tall, broad shoulders, all played rugby with great success, all are naturally very strong and so on) and so I was not the "odd one out" in my family. So again, that was just how I was. A big boy from a big family.
Even going through University, turning 20 and getting a fulltime job, it still didn't really register that I was doing myself harm by being 20 stone. The last time I was a healthy weight as an adult, I was 16stone, and looking back at some pictures from a holiday, on my frame I actually looked a little drawn, like I need a meal or two! I'm never going to have a healthy weight of 12 or 13 stone - I'd look like butter scraped over too much bread. Even my doctor told me when filling out my medical form, that a healthy weight for me would probably not register a "healthy" BMI for a 6-foot bloke.
So, anyway, when I hit 18 years old and 18 stone, it didn't "feel" like I was massivly overweight. Just a little chubbier than I was, which I put down to "university/student life"
Now, turning 23, being well on the way to be 21 stone, and finally having to admit that even my XXXL sweatshirt is tight around the stomach, it finally hit home.
It's so strange as well. For the first time in my life, I'm looking in the mirror and seeing myself for what I really am, and not just a "big boy" like I was always told through my youth.
To sum up, I guess you could call it a late-breaking "coming of age" realisation, for want of a better phrase!
*phew!*
essay over. Time to go choose my packs for breakfast and lunch for my very first day tomorrow. I can't wait!
Pete