What's wrong with me?

[laurenmay]

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Every week I promise myself a fresh start, and every week I end up heavier than the last because I can't stop binge eating!

I'm so unhappy, I find myself crying a lot lately and I'm not a crier at all. All I want to do is sleep and hide away from the world.

I so desperately wanna lose weight, but I can't even get through day one before cheating and blowing it by stuffing my face with junk food! I'm so insecure and down that I won't even let my OH near me, and we keep having arguments because I'm comparing myself to girls he's been with and getting jealous and paranoid.

I need help. How can I want to lose weight so badly yet not manage to? I've done it before so why is it so ****ing hard this time around? I haven't felt this low in a long time.

 

[Mrs CC]

Hi hun Ive noticed from your posts lately you seem to be feeling really down about your weight and I really feel for you. I can completely empathise cos I have and still do feel like that too.

I think it will help you to have a long hard think about what has caused you to over eat this week - tempted by things in the house or work, feeling tired or fed up, or not having time to cook? Take the time to see what caused the problem, then find ways of overcoming them like not buying stuff in, do something else to lift your spirits or stock up on some quick and easy healthy meals.

Only you will know the reasons and only you can find the solutions to them. It might mean sitting down with the OH and telling him there are certain things that dont come in the house, or asking other people around you for support, or looking at ways you can make more time to fit in exercise etc. I think I mentioned it before on here but I really found the 100 days of weight loss really helpful with ways of motiving myself and helping me get in the right mindset for losing weight. I honestly believe it has more to do with the mind rather than food/exercise, once youve got your head in the right place, any diet will work.

 

[laurenmay]

I think it's just me feeling fed up, and kind of the attitude that I've got lots of weight to lose and it's going to take a little while so one more day won't hurt. It's hard to say what it is, because I don't really know myself. It is definitely me feeling fed up and down about my weight gain though, and turning to food for comfort..

I don't even taste the food when I'm eating it really, I just shovel it all in on auto pilot and eat & eat until I'm at the point of throwing up. I'm not hungry, I'm most definitely full but keep eating, kind of feels like there's a big hole I need to fill and I'm doing it with food. Just feel numb.

I wish I could just switch this off, it's horrible and I hate how much food has started controlling me. Me and the OH must spend a fortune on food, and we can't really afford to but every bit of spare money we get goes on food! I'm so fed up.

 

[Babana]

Poor you, you have really been struggling haven't you. I think that you really wont achieve anything until you get yourself into that 'zone'.

Like you I used to eat and eat without tasting it. Biscuits were my weakness. I could happily polish off a large packet of chocolate digestives of an evening. This was after eating 3 large meals and various snacks in the day. I would feel sick eating the biscuits but just couldn't stop. I would also get a bit panicky if there were no biscuits in the house.

The only thing that has kept me in the zone is to have a specific event to aim towards. A few months ago a friend of mine announced that she was having a party at the end of June. She and many of her friends are pretty fit and trim and I so did not want to be the fat friend. I also have a red dress that I could not get into but was lovely and I wanted to wear it. So every day and pretty much everytime I feel like falling off the wagon big time I have to have a word with myself about why I'm doing this. I soooo want to look nice at this party.

I think you need to have a something definite to work towards rather than just generally becoming thinner. If you are working towards a particular date then every day DOES matter.

Once the party has happened I have other events lined up throughout the year to help keep my mind on track.

Funnily enough the red dress is now too big and I've treated myself to a new dress. I've not eaten a biscuit since I started calorie counting in Feb. They are my absolute weakness and I have to stay away. I do have other treats. For example I had a snickers bar this evening...I had enough calories left so just went for it.

I honestly believe that you need to get your mind in the right place and try to get your OH to support you as much as possible.

Tomorrow is a new day and just keep telling yourself that every day DOES matter. Good luck hun. xx

 

[laurenmay]

It's annoying cause as soon as I feel in the zone, something happens and kicks me right back out of it. I know I don't need the junk food, and not sure why I even eat it cause I know its not out of hunger, and I don't even taste it when I'm eating it but feel like I have to shovel in as much as I can take just to feel complete I guess. Definitely think I have a slight binge eating disorder maybe, as I researched it earlier and everything it stated I could've written myself as its spot on how I've been feeling lately and what I've been doing.

The only thing I can do is tackle it head on, and take each day as it comes. I just find it difficult getting through the days..

I have an event coming up in just over 6 weeks, I'm booked to have breast implants, it's been booked and paid for a while now, but when I went for my consultation back in February I was 147lbs and a size 10, so I'm significantly bigger now. I really want to lose as much as possible before the surgery, so that should be incentive to spur me on.