Why are people so tactless?

[stivesliz]

Am not sure if there is currently a thread on this , but I just had to get something off my chest!
Have just had a very dear friend on the phone in tears - she is an on off member of our SW group but has been more off than on this last year, and yes, she has put on weight.

Her Dad and husband are nagging her to lose weight to the point that whenever she eats she is getting tutted at etc.

My dear departed Dad used to do the same and as much as I loved him lots , I really resented him for doing this!

When we are overweight - we do not need people telling us what we already know!!!!!

I told her to calm down and come back when she is ready - if she comes to class again because of family pressure then she will not succeed - we all know that SW will work when we our minds are in the right place.

And on a similar note - our group has its' own private Facebook page and I had posted on Tuesday how happy I was to get back to my pre Christmas weight. A fellow ( much bigger than me ) member replied that she couldn't believe how much weight I put on over Christmas ( 6.5 pounds) and that the 1 and a half stone she had gained on a 4 month cruise didnt seem so bad! Grrrr.

I wish people would think before they open their mouths! Rant over lol x

 

[Silver Lady]

that sounds all too familiar to me, my family mainly my dad was exactly the same to the point i felt he didn't love me anymore and wouldn't until i was thin i also felt like they were ashamed of me, it took me a while to get away from doing it just for them as i knew i wouldn't do it, I knew i had to do it my self and i am now and feel alot stronger, but it took a year of not really talking to my dad because of it but it was the break i needed for me to do it off my own back x

 

[SWLizzy]

I know how you and your friend feel. For me it's my Nannan. For as long as I can remember she has nagged me and made nasty comments to me about my weight. She seems to forget that until recently she was overweight herself.... very frustrating. I am learning to ignore her now but it has caused me much upset over the years. There is only one person that you can really lose weight for and that is yourself xx

 

[samjay123]

6.5lb is good for Christmas I think! I can gain 4lb in 3days of naughty eating lol! I don't like it when people put others down. Especially when they're trying to do something about it and trying to make a positive change!! And it's so easy for someone to say, eat less move more. But everyone struggles with different things! And losing weight is a battle. And .. If it was so easy like some make out. Then no one would be overweight!! Also, it takes a long time for habits to change for the better and everyone slips off the wagon. I wish, like you said, people would think before they speak. And put themselves in others shoes before making little comments. Went off on a rant myself there too
I really hope your friend will see past it and get back on track and prove everyone wrong when she's at target and feeling amazing.

 

[AnnaFaraday]

To the sort of person who makes nasty remarks, there is nothing worse than finding out that the person they are aiming at is taking no notice. Until recently I was having terrible trouble with a neighbour's nasty remarks about me. I tried reasoning with her but it did no good. Now I just pretend I haven't heard and she has almost stopped because there is no fun in being nasty to someone if they haven't heard what you have said!!

There is no law which says we have to listen to anyone - selective deafness is a great weapon!

 

[shellywelly1983]

My partners mum did the same to me at christmas. She cooked a new years dinner and at the end forced me to eat some of her mince pies (which are yacky as the pastry is too thick!) I declined but she said she was offended. So I gave in and ate them. Then 5 minutes later she was going on about my weight and how she wished I had will power to loose it!!

My partner and I had already come to the decision that we were joining slimming world after christmas, but cos of her comments, I refused to start until the end of Jan as I didn't want to give her the satisfaction! lol

Also my patients always pass comment on my weight too, ie when rolling a patient, you bring them towards you and they will often grab at my 'fat' handles and make a comment.

 

[stivesliz]

I normally ignore comments as I have lost weight now but sometimes after a night out when I was bigger I have come home and really stewed on remarks that have been made!

 

[tashab]

I try to ignore comments lik this too as if I don't the annoy me that much I end up eating things I shouldn't then feel 10 times worse

 

[Blaze]

Weight and body image are such emotive issues. I like to think that the people making stupid comments are the ones with the 'problem' themselves, but they project it onto others because it's easier to be a bit nasty to someone else than accept they're shallow and appearance oriented.

I'm lucky in that I've not had that many comments, but my nan was spectacularly unhelpful when I first started chemo and kept going on about how people put on weight because they comfort themselves with food. Yes, that happened to me but I also take steroids which don't help and if you can't take a bit of solace from food when you're coping with cancer treatment, then when can you?! (Btw, my nan is lovely, just a bit tactless sometimes.)

 

[Patsylfc]

My mum always use to go on about how big I'd got and how people who use to know me from school would be so shocked if they saw how big I'd become. She had no quarms about making me cry. The comments got worse after a few red wines, she even said she give me a £1000 to lose weight. Our relationship was awful for a couple of years, and myself esteem was so low. Now I've had children she never mentions it, and I'm so much happier.

I think she knows she was cruel, I love my mum, and in a warped she was trying to help - but goodness if my daughters ever in the same position she'll get a different kind of love and support!!!

 

[evilpenguin]

I dunno if this is the same thing, it probably isn't lol. But since I got past that "first couple of months" stage of SW, when my family realised it wasn't a fad and that I was 100% sticking to it, they have been pretty tactless. Not with comments on my losses or anything - just in general! They have been eating a hundred times more junk than usual, they have a pudding almost every night after dinner which they have never done before, they are constantly buying cake and chocolate, and having take aways, fancy starters like breaded cheese - seriously, we are talking about Rustler's and scotch pie eating people suddenly having breaded Camembert with cranberry chutney for starters! Then having a pudding for afters lol. Anyway!!! - there is always one of something spare for me and my bf to share, like "oh we had this lovely cheesecake tonight and there's a slice left in the fridge if you want it" Er no, I don't want it, you know fine I am on a diet so why do you even bother to ask? It's like they're waiting for me to fail!!

And my mum is the worst offender. I'll be in the kitchen heating up my soup, or chopping up fruit, and she comes in and goes into their junk cupboard and pulls out biscuits, crisps, donuts, and asks me what I'm having. When I tell her I usually get "well I'm having a chocolate fest which is much better". She actually kissed a bar of chocolate once after telling me how her chocolate fest was better than my SW dinner or soup or whatever it was.

There was one particular comment she made that really hacked me off however! She knows I have lost just over 2 stone and is well aware that I've been doing this for 4 months now, she has also lost weight in the past so she knows herself how much hard work it is. She was discussing some holiday or something with my dad, I wasn't listening I was just in the vicinity lol, anyway she said to him "so how long do I have to lose 6 stone then?" and he replied "well it's in August"... her reply was "4 months, ah that's easy, plenty of time"...

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant lol. I have just been feeling pretty annoyed at all this stuff with the junk food and offerings of leftovers, and it all seems really intentional, so it upsets me that they would want me to fail. I also feel like their praise is really false and when she made out that losing 6 stone in 4 months was easy - nevermind easy, she made it out to be achievable (which it is, I suppose, on extreme diets) and it upset me because it's like making light of the hard work I put into SW every single day. It definitely felt like it was said in spite

:sigh:

 

[samjay123]

I dunno if this is the same thing, it probably isn't lol. But since I got past that "first couple of months" stage of SW, when my family realised it wasn't a fad and that I was 100% sticking to it, they have been pretty tactless. Not with comments on my losses or anything - just in general! They have been eating a hundred times more junk than usual, they have a pudding almost every night after dinner which they have never done before, they are constantly buying cake and chocolate, and having take aways, fancy starters like breaded cheese - seriously, we are talking about Rustler's and scotch pie eating people suddenly having breaded Camembert with cranberry chutney for starters! Then having a pudding for afters lol. Anyway!!! - there is always one of something spare for me and my bf to share, like "oh we had this lovely cheesecake tonight and there's a slice left in the fridge if you want it" Er no, I don't want it, you know fine I am on a diet so why do you even bother to ask? It's like they're waiting for me to fail!!

And my mum is the worst offender. I'll be in the kitchen heating up my soup, or chopping up fruit, and she comes in and goes into their junk cupboard and pulls out biscuits, crisps, donuts, and asks me what I'm having. When I tell her I usually get "well I'm having a chocolate fest which is much better". She actually kissed a bar of chocolate once after telling me how her chocolate fest was better than my SW dinner or soup or whatever it was.

There was one particular comment she made that really hacked me off however! She knows I have lost just over 2 stone and is well aware that I've been doing this for 4 months now, she has also lost weight in the past so she knows herself how much hard work it is. She was discussing some holiday or something with my dad, I wasn't listening I was just in the vicinity lol, anyway she said to him "so how long do I have to lose 6 stone then?" and he replied "well it's in August"... her reply was "4 months, ah that's easy, plenty of time"...

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant lol. I have just been feeling pretty annoyed at all this stuff with the junk food and offerings of leftovers, and it all seems really intentional, so it upsets me that they would want me to fail. I also feel like their praise is really false and when she made out that losing 6 stone in 4 months was easy - nevermind easy, she made it out to be achievable (which it is, I suppose, on extreme diets) and it upset me because it's like making light of the hard work I put into SW every single day. It definitely felt like it was said in spite

:sigh:

Its probably because your doing soo well and the natural human reaction is jelousy. Im sure they will learn to be happy for you. We all.need a rant sometimes!! Its good to share and get it all out hehe

 

[phaeona]

GRRRRRRR! I wanna come and beat em all up for you all! We are all doing great - and if they don't want to support you then they cannot expect your support when they need it in the future. As the saying goes you can chose your friends but not your family. Remember you all have all of us on here and we think you are FAB!

 

[samjay123]

GRRRRRRR! I wanna come and beat em all up for you all! We are all doing great - and if they don't want to support you then they cannot expect your support when they need it in the future. As the saying goes you can chose your friends but not your family. Remember you all have all of us on here and we think you are FAB!

Wooohooo you go :-D

 

[sparklesazzy]

Bless you all, how horrible. I am so fortunate that all my friends and family are over the moon for me and really supportive.

Well those who know...as have kept it a secret from my mum as havent seen her since christmas when i was about 17 stone, and am now 14st 10 so when she sees me she will be a tad shocked!! heheheh

 

[stivesliz]

I dunno if this is the same thing, it probably isn't lol. But since I got past that "first couple of months" stage of SW, when my family realised it wasn't a fad and that I was 100% sticking to it, they have been pretty tactless. Not with comments on my losses or anything - just in general! They have been eating a hundred times more junk than usual, they have a pudding almost every night after dinner which they have never done before, they are constantly buying cake and chocolate, and having take aways, fancy starters like breaded cheese - seriously, we are talking about Rustler's and scotch pie eating people suddenly having breaded Camembert with cranberry chutney for starters! Then having a pudding for afters lol. Anyway!!! - there is always one of something spare for me and my bf to share, like "oh we had this lovely cheesecake tonight and there's a slice left in the fridge if you want it" Er no, I don't want it, you know fine I am on a diet so why do you even bother to ask? It's like they're waiting for me to fail!!

And my mum is the worst offender. I'll be in the kitchen heating up my soup, or chopping up fruit, and she comes in and goes into their junk cupboard and pulls out biscuits, crisps, donuts, and asks me what I'm having. When I tell her I usually get "well I'm having a chocolate fest which is much better". She actually kissed a bar of chocolate once after telling me how her chocolate fest was better than my SW dinner or soup or whatever it was.

There was one particular comment she made that really hacked me off however! She knows I have lost just over 2 stone and is well aware that I've been doing this for 4 months now, she has also lost weight in the past so she knows herself how much hard work it is. She was discussing some holiday or something with my dad, I wasn't listening I was just in the vicinity lol, anyway she said to him "so how long do I have to lose 6 stone then?" and he replied "well it's in August"... her reply was "4 months, ah that's easy, plenty of time"...

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant lol. I have just been feeling pretty annoyed at all this stuff with the junk food and offerings of leftovers, and it all seems really intentional, so it upsets me that they would want me to fail. I also feel like their praise is really false and when she made out that losing 6 stone in 4 months was easy - nevermind easy, she made it out to be achievable (which it is, I suppose, on extreme diets) and it upset me because it's like making light of the hard work I put into SW every single day. It definitely felt like it was said in spite

:sigh:

Grrrr this has made me really cross on your behalf!!!!! Tactlessness can be actions as well as words as you know!

I play in a quiz team and have been out tonight. They always bring a buffet supper out and tonight it was sandwiches, pizza, sausage rolls, onion rings and wedges - not even a salad garnish for me to nibble on lol. My team 'mates' were scoffing away and I said how much I would love some and one of them was practically shoving a plate into my face saying 'have some'.You will all be pleased to know i resisted as I can bet my bottom dollar that if I had had nibbled so much of an onion ring then I would have got stick!

There's my second rant over lol! xxxxxxxx

 

[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

You read my mind!!
I hate when people comment on other's appearances.
Yes, i understand that a lot of these people care but i wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves!! I'm a serious sufferer of body dysmorphia to the point ive thought of doing some really stupid things. All because of people obsessing about how i look!! If people truly care, then why do they have to pass comments that cause us to fear coming in contact with them again. I've actually stopped going outdoors, unless i need to because people can be so damn shallow!! :-/

 

[kingleds]

Evilpenguin, I cannot believe your mother kissed a chocolate bar in your face. Mother or not I'd be smashing her face into her stupid junk food cupboard.

I have come to the conclusion that people are just inherently strange creatures. My mother has not commented once on my weight loss ( despite me going from a size 22 to a size 16/14) but she always comments on how much weight my husband has lost. He swears she does it to piss me off. It works. I wish it didn't though.

I think Anna has the right of it. Ignore these tactless pricks & remember you are doing this for yourself not them.

 

[stivesliz]

Evilpenguin, I cannot believe your mother kissed a chocolate bar in your face. Mother or not I'd be smashing her face into her stupid junk food cupboard.

I have come to the conclusion that people are just inherently strange creatures. My mother has not commented once on my weight loss ( despite me going from a size 22 to a size 16/14) but she always comments on how much weight my husband has lost. He swears she does it to piss me off. It works. I wish it didn't though.

I think Anna has the right of it. Ignore these tactless pricks & remember you are doing this for yourself not them.

Love this commment! x

 

[stivesliz]

You read my mind!!
I hate when people comment on other's appearances.
Yes, i understand that a lot of these people care but i wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves!! I'm a serious sufferer of body dysmorphia to the point ive thought of doing some really stupid things. All because of people obsessing about how i look!! If people truly care, then why do they have to pass comments that cause us to fear coming in contact with them again. I've actually stopped going outdoors, unless i need to because people can be so damn shallow!! :-/

Well looking at your stats, you are doing brilliantly - x Keep your head up and get yourself back out there. We are better than these people!