Why are people so tactless?

[evilpenguin]

I really can't believe some of these stories Weight loss makes people go weird eh? When it's not their own I mean. Although Kingleds, your step sister has gone funny too it seems.

Has anyone else had someone try to steal the limelight?... I'm not a centre of attention type of person, but I was being praised for my weight loss in front of a bunch of people (mostly family) and someone there was like "I've lost weight too you know!" Maybe she had, but if someone was praising her for it, I wouldn't have butted in like that She is like that with everything though so I should be used to it.

:sigh:

 

[stivesliz]

Even though I started this thread I am patting myself on the back here as we are all 'letting it all out'! LOL.
Don't also forget the tactlessness in the insult disguised as a compliment.....''ooh, you've really lost weight..............cos you were really big weren't you?''

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Someone once stopped me in the street and complimented me on my weight loss because I was apparently now virtually unrecognisable from the person I was before because I had been huge,, and asked how I had done it. She meant well but a) I had no idea who she was and b) who does that to someone you dont know??

I took it kindly fortunately, I'm not ashamed of my weight loss, and I was pretty massive in the first place. Just a little embarrassed that a complete stranger had seen me somewhere and made a note of how big I was as my most obvious feature. In my head, my weight made me less conspicuous, or I wanted it to... Clearly that wasn't the case.

 

[Seacrest]

Gosh, reading this has made me want to reach through the screen and give massive hugs to everyone who has a horrible story to tell. I can't imagine how people can be so thoughtless and cruel.

Consider yourself fabulous & beautiful. Walk tall! You're all gorgeous.

 

[pinkcustard]

Don't also forget the tactlessness in the insult disguised as a compliment.....''ooh, you've really lost weight..............cos you were really big weren't you?''

Lol! Why do people do that?! Its like they begrudge saying something nice so much they have to cancel it out with a kick in the shins!

 

[stivesliz]

Lol! Why do people do that?! Its like they begrudge saying something nice so much they have to cancel it out with a kick in the shins!

Jealousy I am guessing. I may not be Kate Moss but I have achieved something.... x

 

[sixstoner]

So I was out jogging with my oh today and yes I was bright red and trailing behind him.. But did the guy walking along have to assume he was my personal trainer.
He said looks like shes wishing she didnt pay you to do this to her mate!!!!!
Not sure I will take him out with me again. he must be too healthy looking.

 

[BarbaraG]

What a great thread - I hope you'll allow a non-sW member to join, because the issues you're discussing are common to all of us, no matter how we are dealing with our weight.

I have actually found well-meaning comments, such as "you looked so good when you lost all that weight - you know you can do it", or "this is working really well for me, why don't you try it?" just as difficult as the out-and-out rude ones. It has made me overly sensitive, even when people are paying me compliments. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight a few years ago, I really struggled with that, and I would find myself wriggling and squirming - it felt like people were invading my privacy, when in all probability they were trying to be encouraging, and nice.

But it has led me to resolve that I will never, ever comment on someone else's size, shape, eating habits, or whatever comments they may make about what they themselves are eating. Do you know the sort of thing...."I really shouldn't it this, but it's so delicious.". "This will ruin my diet."

Whatever I might think, e.g., don't expect me to give you permission - if you want to eat it, do, and if you don't, don't - I will never voice it. It is their business. Just as what I choose to eat, or not, is my business. It riles me when someone says something like "I won't offer you a biscuit, you're slimming". Grrrrrrrr! It's almost as bad to me as the ones who urge you to have something when you've refused it. By all means offer, but just accept my polite No Thanks, and move on.

I'm trying to get to a calmer place, where I can accept compliments gracefully rather than biting people's heads off. But sometimes I just think..... when did it become OK for everyone else to have an opinion on my size and shape? Can't they just mind their own beeswax?

Barbara

 

[stivesliz]

What a great thread - I hope you'll allow a non-sW member to join, because the issues you're discussing are common to all of us, no matter how we are dealing with our weight.

I have actually found well-meaning comments, such as "you looked so good when you lost all that weight - you know you can do it", or "this is working really well for me, why don't you try it?" just as difficult as the out-and-out rude ones. It has made me overly sensitive, even when people are paying me compliments. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight a few years ago, I really struggled with that, and I would find myself wriggling and squirming - it felt like people were invading my privacy, when in all probability they were trying to be encouraging, and nice.

But it has led me to resolve that I will never, ever comment on someone else's size, shape, eating habits, or whatever comments they may make about what they themselves are eating. Do you know the sort of thing...."I really shouldn't it this, but it's so delicious.". "This will ruin my diet."

Whatever I might think, e.g., don't expect me to give you permission - if you want to eat it, do, and if you don't, don't - I will never voice it. It is their business. Just as what I choose to eat, or not, is my business. It riles me when someone says something like "I won't offer you a biscuit, you're slimming". Grrrrrrrr! It's almost as bad to me as the ones who urge you to have something when you've refused it. By all means offer, but just accept my polite No Thanks, and move on.

I'm trying to get to a calmer place, where I can accept compliments gracefully rather than biting people's heads off. But sometimes I just think..... when did it become OK for everyone else to have an opinion on my size and shape? Can't they just mind their own beeswax?

Barbara

Ah but unfortunatley there must be an unwritten rule somewhere that says '' thou shalt tell overweight people what to eat and to insulteth them freely' lol.

 

[evilpenguin]

I would never dream of commenting on someone's weight, ever! So it baffles me when people feel like they have the right to talk about the weight of others. Maybe those people who have made comments have issues with their own weight, and insulting other people makes them feel better somehow?

Barbara I can see how the compliments could be difficult to take. I have taken comments like "you've lost a lot since then, you were really big" the wrong way, because I don't want to be compared to how fat I was before. There is a certain way these comments are made that makes me feel they are not compliments at all, iykwim. Saying "wow you look great now" is totally different to saying "you were so fat before"... some people might not realise what they're saying I suppose. I think most compliments are genuine, but some are said a bit backhandedly.

 

[Liverbird52]

A patient once said ti me "well your a big one !!!" my reply was I found that remark offensive and I will get someone else ti do your assesment! and I did. The patient later apologised but too late!

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Well, in an ideal world it wouldn't matter what anyone weighed or looked like. However, that's never going to happen. Unless someone comes up with a magic cure for insecurity, jealousy, and all the other negative aspects of people's personalities, then this is something it's likely that at some point we will face.

That said, I think I would have been annoyed if people didnt notice the difference, so really, they can't win with me either way. Which is more to do with my own self- esteem than it is their ability to be tactful successfully, although a bit might be helpful...

 

[evilpenguin]

Anyone else really confused

 

[kingleds]

Anyone else really confused

Just ignore it. Someone who has an axe to grind & doesn't want to adhere to the polite request to not grind it on here.

 

[stivesliz]

Just ignore it. Someone who has an axe to grind & doesn't want to adhere to the polite request to not grind it on here.

Very creepy! As Kingleds said - ignore it!

 

[evilpenguin]

Ah ok. Ignored

 

[BarbaraG]

I think most compliments are genuine, but some are said a bit backhandedly.

I can struggle even with sincere compliments, because it means they are looking at me, and they've noticed. And I suppose as a fat person I basically want to hide, and not be noticed. I know this is unrealistic, and more my problem than theirs. But I think that feeling does stem from all the critical coments I received in my younger days. If I hadn't received so many negative comments in my youth, I might not struggle so much with positive ones now!

When I comment on others' appearance, which I don't often do, it will be something like "I love that colour, it really suits you", or "what a lovely pair of earrings". Never, ever "you look really slim" (even if they do)

Who knows, maybe when I'm slim I'll lose my sizeist hangups? One thing's for sure - losing weight is about fixing an awful lot more than your body.

Barbara

 

[pinkcustard]

I would tell someone if i thought they looked slimmer, assuming i knew them quite well but i think i steer clear of anything else because i know how easily silly little things, people probably meant no harm by, get stuck in your head as negative. Least we're talking about it, surly thats a step towards eventually getting over it, or at least better at dealing with it?