"You need to stop losing now"

[Sheanin]

See Holly's Nan, you are where I plan to be - 2.5 stone lighter - and I have no intention of letting anyone make me feel negative when I've done it. When anyone has complimented me so far, they look horrified when I say I still have just over 1.5 stone to shift like I'll end up skin and bone - they just don't get that my goal is a completely healthy, mid range weight for my height. Just cos my cut off mark is 10st 6 doesn't mean I want to be 10st 6 - who wants to teeter on the edge of obesity when a few pounds more gets you right in the safe zone and even healthier?! Its not like I plan to be right at the bottom of my healthy bmi range. If I happen to look skinny then so be it, it'll be healthy skinny and still miles better than having a heart attack waiting to happen bulging over my jeans or spending my life teaching my kids terrible habits with food.

 

[hollys nan]

Very well said!

 

[missy1978]

I think Gazter made a good point - people do associate losing weight with illness. Especially if you drop a lot quite quickly.

So far I've had nothing but nice comments but the fun starts when I mention that I have another five stone to lose. 'From where?' is one response I got - I have no idea what they are seeing but at 16 stone and 5'3 I am still very much obese!

In my situation, I do have the goal of getting under a BMI of 30 in case I need fertility treatment (although hopefully just losing the weight will do the trick!) so if anyone does question my goal weight I can embarrass them with the gorey details.

 

[Sheanin]

What I loathe most about these comments is that people don't realise how infectious apathy can be when you've made huge changes to your lifestyle and are still becoming accustomed to it. They make it so easy to slip back into that 'why bother' mindset without realising just how detrimental it could potentially be. It's dangerous for people like me, trying to reform themselves from destructive habits like binge eating, extreme dieting etc. It's a rocky enough road as it is; I know I constantly examine what I do and wonder if I'm doing it right, if I'm overdoing it, if I'm likely to either fall off the wagon or take things way too far only to lead to failure. Teaching yourself is so incredibly difficult and some people don't realise that sometimes, it isn't just about losing weight - it's about conquering some pretty nasty demons, too.

 

[CraigA]

I tell you something my director at work said to me when he made me manager was "Craig its not you that will change, its other people around you" about becoming the manager from supervisor and think the same can be said here to.

 

[Money-penny]

And of course, people subconsciously associate rapid weight loss with illness....

Yes! My Auntie lost loads of weight when she was younger and told me that rumours started to spread around her workplace that she was Anorexic and people told her to stop losing weight. As far as I can gather things got quite nasty towards her! She was dieting but wasn't below a healthy weight at all (we're fairly tall people in general and carry our weight better than most), she was eating sensibly and was quite a looker in her day - so I think that a lot of the rumors and nastiness towards her were purely down to jealousy as well as the drastic change in appearance.

About 6 years ago I lost a lot of weight and barely made it into the upper range of my healthy BMI... Ironically it was this same Auntie who started with the "You've lost enough now, have a bun" type chat. The phrase "gaunt" was also wheeled out. I even had great aunties who I never see wander upto me at a funeral and poke me hard in the tummy going, "you used to be such a fat child but now you're too thin" I was just stood there quietly seething thinking "ffs make your minds up"

This time around I'm sensing the comments are imminent even though I've still got well over 2 stone before I hit 'healthy'...probably because I started from a much higher weight this time and the difference is more noticeable than ever. My aunt asked me the other day, "how much more are you planning on losing before you stop?" I didn't answer her as I think telling her that in the long term the plan is to lose another 4stone 8lbs would set her off as I don't look that big so in her mind, me losing another 4 would probably have me drop to skeletal status.

Things are slightly different this time around though in that I'm losing weight but not eating very little like last time...my plates are piled high with tonnes of SW friendly food and so even if people are jealous of my weight loss at least they can see I'm being healthy about it and can't possibly label me anorexic or anything. I sat down with my homemade chinese food yesterday in the work canteen and could sense a dozen pairs of eyes on my plate! I think they were all thinking "her diet must be over" but I just smiled and filled my face. Nom nom nom.

 

[cat yoyo greaves]

The you have lost too much comments drive me mad .... There was a point though when my face did go really thin but after a month it plumped up again and I'd lost more so my fat was just re locating when you loose weight fast it does take your body time to adjust to its new reduced fat content :/ I'm now happy with how some of my body parts look but others (overhang on belly and upper thighs) still need the fat to go and unless I carry on doing what I'm doing I won't be happy in my skin xxx keep doing what your doing ITS NOT LIKE WERE STARVING OURSELVES (that's a different diet were on sw)

 

[gazter]

Yes! My Auntie lost loads of weight when she was younger and told me that rumours started to spread around her workplace that she was Anorexic and people told her to stop losing weight. As far as I can gather things got quite nasty towards her! She was dieting but wasn't below a healthy weight at all (we're fairly tall people in general and carry our weight better than most), she was eating sensibly and was quite a looker in her day - so I think that a lot of the rumors and nastiness towards her were purely down to jealousy as well as the drastic change in appearance.

About 6 years ago I lost a lot of weight and barely made it into the upper range of my healthy BMI... Ironically it was this same Auntie who started with the "You've lost enough now, have a bun" type chat. The phrase "gaunt" was also wheeled out. I even had great aunties who I never see wander upto me at a funeral and poke me hard in the tummy going, "you used to be such a fat child but now you're too thin" I was just stood there quietly seething thinking "ffs make your minds up"

This time around I'm sensing the comments are imminent even though I've still got well over 2 stone before I hit 'healthy'...probably because I started from a much higher weight this time and the difference is more noticeable than ever. My aunt asked me the other day, "how much more are you planning on losing before you stop?" I didn't answer her as I think telling her that in the long term the plan is to lose another 4stone 8lbs would set her off as I don't look that big so in her mind, me losing another 4 would probably have me drop to skeletal status.

Things are slightly different this time around though in that I'm losing weight but not eating very little like last time...my plates are piled high with tonnes of SW friendly food and so even if people are jealous of my weight loss at least they can see I'm being healthy about it and can't possibly label me anorexic or anything. I sat down with my homemade chinese food yesterday in the work canteen and could sense a dozen pairs of eyes on my plate! I think they were all thinking "her diet must be over" but I just smiled and filled my face. Nom nom nom.

Thanks, that was great to read.

 

[Rochelle1]

All of this talk about people being affected by what people are saying to them is true!! My mam works with this girl who used to be 19stone at school, when she left school she changed her eating habits and is now tiny, I don't think she had lost the weight all that healthily though I think she basically lived off fruit and veg. Another girl who works with them had made a comment one day about the way she eats, well she heard her and my mam said she now won't eat infront of anyone and if she does eat, it'll just be a bowl of veg/fruit and she will eat it in the toilets rather than infront of everyone. The same girl had said about how thin she was looking and was going to ask her if she had an eating disorder. My mam told her off and told her not to dare say anything to her. So this girl probably is developing odd eating habits and all through a silly person commenting!! Its sad, people should leave others alone!

I get this at work "she ain't stopping until she's fallen through a grate" etc - but only from people who are obese/v.overweight themselves a particular lady comments all the time on my weight and they are starting to become thinly vailed nasty comments but the other girls do SW too and are doing really well on it too are v.supportive and defend me lol x

Well they're probably commenting because they're jealous. You are succeeding in changing your lifestyle and its showing in your appearance, they're jealous cos they can't be bothered to try

 

[Malc-D]

I've just started getting this 'you need to stop' talk now..

I loved it when people came up to me and commented on how well i had done/am doing, but the last few weeks people have been asking if i'm feeling ok, saying i looked pale etc. this ontop of a recent health scare, it had really started playing with my mind, started to really effect me mentally and i started to close in on myself, i didn't want to talk to people, i just wanted to stay at home in bed and just wait for the bad news (i was expecting) from the doctors..

i'm slightly ashamed to say i did revert back to some old eating habits, extra sized portions, probably due to eating for comfort and to feel good about myself and i did put on about 6 Lbs .

Evertime i went into work people were still asking if i was ok, look pale, you look ill .. blah blah blah! i managed to go to the doctors for results and everything was normal, i was fine. a huge weight was released of my sholders and i went into work the next monday morning feeling fantastic, but still the coments came, pale, ill, not yourself..

i would sit there at work trying to figure it out, the doctor said i was fine, ''your looking really healthy'' he said. but at work i didn't, it was driving me crazy, till one day in a meeting we were told that the cleaning of the roof was going to take longer then expected due to bad weather. i realised that my pale-ness was down to the windows in the roof had been covered up for the workmen to clean on the roof.. the only light in the factory for 4 weeks had been, L.E.D ceiling lights, making me look pale. because i have lost weight in my face i no longer have a bit of a red glow due to sweating and overheating..

i'm normal, perfectly normal.. and only look pale because my skin is a healthy skin tone, and under powerful lights i look pale. while everyone else in head to toe 'tan-tastic' and bronzed up.

i think people need to realise that words can hurt, it's not a case of sticks and stones.. people are saying things, thinking in your best interest (sometimes just to by nasty in a subtle way, and i work with a woman who is like that)

for the last week i have stopped listening to what people say, i'll nod and say i'm fine, never been better etc.. but the only thing i am listening to now is the number on the scales and my clothes size going down. after feeling great the last few weeks i have got back on my plan, worked my ass off at the gym, and have lost the worry weight and then some

This is the best i have felt in forever and nothing anyone says from now on can get me down. i just hope anyone else here can do the same.

 

[rachaeld82]

I've had this recently too. I've lost almost 5st so far, and I'd like to lose another 1st to make me a healthy weight for my height. A few people at work and some close friends have said over the past week or so that I don't need to lose more, and it really annoys me. I am a borderline size 10/12 now, and want to be a size 10, which is still perfectly healthy. It is for us to decide on our own personal weight loss goals, and not for anyone else to comment on.

 

[peacelily]

I have posted about this elsewhere but I really do think folk are rude and I hate it that all they can comment on is how we look. It's not like I'd go up to someone and say something as remotely rude to them or comment on some aspect of their appearance- maybe their teeth or skin! Why is it socially acceptable to discuss weight but not these other things. I have had various comments and am dreading going back home at the beginning of November cos I know it'll be all my family talk about. When I had lost almost 1.5st someone who hadnt seen me in a while said I was fading away and had lost "stones and stones and stones"! It must be because I'm so short that i just look really fat really quickly and consequently, when I lose, it is obvious. But I couldn't help but think that I must have looked huge. I know these are intended as compliments but there's a thin line between a compliment and an insult when it comes to weight!

 

[woowoo83]

Yep! My mum being the worst culprit! Despite having a BMI that is only just in the healthy range. At one point, I was still in my size 14 jeans and admittedly they were a little lose, my mum commented on how they were 'hanging off me', now I could understand her concern if they were size 8's! Recently one of my best friends started commenting too, it really annoys me and I would never say it to anyone now. It's all about how you feel and as long as you're healthy ignore everyone else!

 

[AnnaFaraday]

When people make comments there is no law which says you have to reply. As someone said on a different thread here - "nod, smile, ignore".

If you don't reply, or enter into any conversation or confrontation, people will soon get bored.

If you have to comment, things like

"really????"
"perhaps you are right"
"there may be something in what you say"
"I will certainly give that some thought"
"I suppose it is all a matter of perception, in the end"
"mmmmm"

are all totally meaningless remarks, which tend to act as conversation stoppers.

But even if you can't stop the remarks, there is also no law which says you have to care, or even listen!!

"Never apologise, never explain" - It might have been the Duke of Wellington who said this, then again it might have been Disraeli, no-one is sure who said it first - and it is a bit arrogant, but an ideal mantra for situations like these!

 

[AnnaFaraday]

oops sorry, posted twice

 

[peacelily]

When people make comments there is no law which says you have to reply. As someone said on a different thread here - "nod, smile, ignore".

If you don't reply, or enter into any conversation or confrontation, people will soon get bored.

If you have to comment, things like

"really????"
"perhaps you are right"
"there may be something in what you say"
"I will certainly give that some thought"
"I suppose it is all a matter of perception, in the end"
"mmmmm"

are all totally meaningless remarks, which tend to act as conversation stoppers.

But even if you can't stop the remarks, there is also no law which says you have to care, or even listen!!

"Never apologise, never explain" - It might have been the Duke of Wellington who said this, then again it might have been Disraeli, no-one is sure who said it first - and it is a bit arrogant, but an ideal mantra for situations like these!

Like it! Someone who is a fitness instructor went on and on asking me to get up and "give a twirl" and I just point blank refused and changed the subject. Think she got the message ;-)

 

[donna88]

I used to get this ALL the time off my mum and her partner, they used to say I was loosing too much ect. it wasn't until her partner started slimming world and my mum started doing it as well that they stopped. My mum did not need to start it, she is very slim and a runner and didn't have any weight to loose, I think she lost a few lbs and even I was worrying about her. I told her to follow the meals as its just healthy eating but not to worry about her syns as she was doing so much exercise and also didn't need to loose any. She stopped worrying about it and looked great, however people then started on her saying she was wasting away ect. and I thought she'd realised how hurtful it could be. I stuck up for her as I knew she was no longer worrying about syns and I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone eating slimming world meals as they are purely just healthy eating.

However I have since started a beginners course at my mums club, since then my mums been on at me that I need to increase my syns because of the exercise (bearing in mind she's a marathon runner which is why I told her not to worry about syns and I'm doing a beginners course so really not doing THAT much) her partner really upset me last week because she said ''you don't need to loose any more weight, you look too skinny in your face now'' I even repeated her and said ''what I look too skinny now?'' and she said yes. It really got to me, my boyfriend was fuming. Luckily it didn't send me into a binge but I really don't think people realise what they say actually effects you. I'm happy how I am now and like the fact that for once in my life I don't have a double chin so if that means my face is too skinny I don't care, at least I can smile in a photo without regretting it as soon as I see it.

Another thing I don't understand is people who assume that because your slim you don't have to watch what you eat. I was out with my sister and she got a hot chocolate with loads of cream ect. I ordered a black coffee and my sister was going on about me being good, the lady behind the counter was saying how there was nothing on me and I don't need to be good. I appreciate its sort of a compliment that I look nice, but at the same time that doesn't mean I can just drink cream constantly as it'd soon pile on.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've been getting these comments recently, so annoying! But at the same time if I do have a naughty day and treat myself to something synful I get the opposite, people making veiled comments about how I'm undoing all my hard work just because I decide once in a blue moon to have a pizza! They just don't seem to understand that I have managed to gain a degree of control over my eating habits now, I can be very very good but at the same time if I have a treat I'm not going to beat myself up about it! x

 

[donna88]

I've been getting these comments recently, so annoying! But at the same time if I do have a naughty day and treat myself to something synful I get the opposite, people making veiled comments about how I'm undoing all my hard work just because I decide once in a blue moon to have a pizza! They just don't seem to understand that I have managed to gain a degree of control over my eating habits now, I can be very very good but at the same time if I have a treat I'm not going to beat myself up about it! x

Ahhh no I don't get that, if I say I've had something bad I just get ''well you can do don't worry you should eat more'' all except once at my MIL's last Christmas well a few days before Christmas, I was trying to be good but it was made impossible (well not impossible but I caved) it started with takeaway and I got a salad which was still swimming in syns which put me in a funny mood anyway as I'd wasted syns on salad. Then chocolate and biscuits were put in my face, when I caved I got ''Oh look Donna's being naughty'' luckily FIL did say well so she should she's worked hard to get this far.

 

[lsf666]

I'm loving this thread (Gazter - you look great btw)

I've been getting this too. The comments range from 'you must be at your goal weight now' which is a compliment to 'oooh you need to wear blusher cos you look drawn now' which was just plain b1tchy!

I do get the looking ill thing too though. I didn't tell anyone at first that I was even trying to lose weight so after a few months of SW my Mum was genuinely worried! Until I told her - now she's ok and I guess relieved.

I do also get the opposite 'how much have you lost now?' And 'oh keep going wont you!'
Can't win!!!

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