2 year old boy advice on tantrums etc

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by big bear, 29 December 2010 Social URL.

  1. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Please help, my son who just turned 2 is turning into a right little sh*t. I'm hoping the moods etc pass but how do i deal with it.

    When i say no he head butts me or hits me, he nearly broke my nose the other day.

    He won't get dressed runs off & then kicks/screams when I do catch him to change him.

    He's pulled his 2 month old sister down out of her carry cot twice now, even though I explained she's small you'll hurt hurt no joy.

    He was really bad when we came home from hospital with his sister but was ok until he turned 2 & has turned into a monster overnight.

    He throws, things has tantrums, hits, kicks, shouts, screams.

    Is this all normal, what is the best way to deal with it? Does naughty chairs/corners work?

    I'm at my wits end as he's really wearing me down & he's only 2.

    His Dad works nights so need to sleep in the day so he only sees him for a few hours & he seems worse then.

    Will he grow out of it & be a better boy, I'm thinking is it me that's making him like this, am I not discipling him enough?

    Please please help XX
     
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  3. chipbutty

    chipbutty Full Member

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    i think the best way to deal with him is when hes doing wrong just say 'no, we dont do that' & place him somewhere safe that he can hit out/scream, say an area full of cushions/soft toys with a saftey gate, i think at 2 hes too young for a naughty step as he wont understand, when hes good really praise him for this & maybe think of a sicker chart when hes good, say 5/10 stickers & he gets to choose 1 thing from say a £ shop, something better maybe for the more stickers he gets, iv 5 kids, 3 grown up? (they never grow up lol!) & a 10yr ds & 2yr dd, my dd is a nightmare tho & screams really loud! especially round the shops & all the old biddys seem to tut all the time!!!!
     
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  4. CatCrazy

    CatCrazy Gold Member

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    Its the terrible 2's. Most go thru it and how you deal with it determines how long it lasts etc.

    I've had 4, luckily none were too bad but then everyone used to think i was too strict...but i'm the one that didnt have to go thru the fecking 3's, fooking 4's and freaking 5's so I like to think i got it right.

    Now these are only suggestions, every one has different parenting styles so please dont take offence or think i'm telling you how you bring up your son.

    Firstly, No means No. No amount of screaming, kicking biting etc will change your mind. They'll try at first but after a few attempts and not getting their own way they learn....give in just once and you've set up a pattern where they know if they carry on you'll give in. If there is any chance of you giving in make it a "maybe, if you're good" that way they will try and be good to get their own way and if you feel the effort has been good enough they get a reward.

    The naughty corner does work but its very hard work at first, constantly putting them back in the spot but stick to it without giving in and you should have it licked within a week...often shorter. Choose a place where you're close at hand, the stairs for a 2 year old might not be the best idea or you may be spending a lot of time in the hall for a few days.

    Never leave him unattended with the little one until this is over, if you have to leave the room take him with you, engage him in something close at your side until you can return to the room...even if that means having an audience when you pee. Also involve him in the care as much as possible, 2 year olds love to feel responsible so anything from him supporting her head when bathing to putting a pair of socks on her feet to stop them getting cold, he will love the responsibility. Praise praise praise his wonderful big brother caring.

    Totally ignore tantrums, pretend that you simply can't/see hear them (unless he is doing something very dangeous) I look after a just 3 year old and just looking at him during a tantrum prolonged it!


    Everytime you have to tell him no get down to his level, hold him at arms length (to avoid the headbutt!) and fully explain why its a no. Its not a discussion so don't get into one with him.

    When you need him to get dressed select 2 or 3 outfits when hes not looking and then let him choose from them what he wants to wear and chat away incessantly about his choices as you dress him (daddy has a shirt like this doesnt he, that jumper goes really nice with mummys top, nanny bought you this for your birthday, that was a lovely days wasn't it? etc) , he'll be dressed before he realises it and he'll have the "power" over what he's wearing that day.


    Ok, thats a mammoth post! Once again, theyre only suggestions not orders even if my wording looks like it. Hope it helps a little


    CC
     
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  5. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Great advice ladies. I think it's harder as his Daddy isn't here and when he is gives into him which makes it so difficult. I do some of these things already but I must be more consistent and stick to it.

    Just thought I had a monster of a child or I was doing things wrong. he's start to spit recently & lick everything including my face/hand etc.

    So there is such a thing as terrible 2's & boy am I in the middle of it.

    Do you think taking him to mother/toddler group would help as gets him out of the house doing something?? He doesn't really get to mix with other wee ones.
     
  6. CatCrazy

    CatCrazy Gold Member

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    Ah...I was going to add you and daddy have to be singing from the same sheet for this to work or even a 2 year old is wise enough to know he can play you off against each other.

    A mother and toddler group will definitely help, he'll be racing around fairly independently but in a safe environment(choose your group wisely, ground floor, stair gates on doors leading to outside etc), once they'd found their feet I hardly saw mine apart from when they zoomed past me on bikes scooters cars unless they want juice or toast and the occasional help with model making.

    The 3 year old I look after went thru a licking and spitting phase...he hadn't mixed with other children so it must be something they just do once, realise what a reaction they get and then keep doing it. Horrible as it is keep your reaction very calm while explaining why you really don't like it. Its not just neglected and abused kids that like negative as well as positive attention...kids just like attention and reactions full stop lol.

    Hes a little boy testing the boundaries, all part of growing up.
     
  7. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Good advice Cat Crazy.

    You could try speaking to your health visitor too. They often have lots of good advice. Or do you have a childrens centre nearby ? They have lots of stuff going on.

    Good luck.

    Gail x
     
  8. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    Exellent advice by CatCrazy.

    I was always firm with my two. You have to remember who is in charge here, it's not the two year old.

    I always remember reading somewhere which said with children remember the 3 'F's, Fair, Firm, Fun. This helped with me.

    No has to mean No, don't make promises you don't keep, eg 'if you do that again I'll put you on the naughty step' only to repeat the same thing if they do it again.

    What I did with my children if they were naughty was take away their favourite toy for a while. As this is the most important thing for them, as is being better behaved is the most important thing for you.

    Don't reward bad behaviour, eg, if you stop doing that I'll buy you sweeties.

    You need to talk to OH you both need to agree on what is right & what is wrong. My OH works shifts & often in bed first so I had to make sure DD & DS were well behaved.

    Praise good behaviour. He won't change overnight but it will get better, but you do need to make changes now.

    Otherwise I can't think of anything else.
     
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  9. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    What brilliant and correct advice Cat Crazy.

    I would leave a child with you any time.

    Your own children must have grown up with proper standards and guidelines.

    Karen, the advice is too good to ignore. I know it is very hard for you with 2 little ones and very little help with DH working nights and he is doing that for all of you.

    He is going through the terrible 2's but that doesn't mean he has to get away with it. This is his formative time. What he learns now will form his behaviour for years to come.

    He probably loves his little sis ( my cyber g.daughter) but hates the time HIS mummy needs to spend with her so the advice to involve him is so good. Involve him and soon he will be proud that she is HIS sister and will be showing her off.

    You will cope, you always do. You are one strong lady. Look how you coped with MIL and nothing could be worse than that lol !!!!

    lots of love and hugs xxxxxxx
     
  10. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    I remembered something else I did with my two; only raise your voice if something is really naughty, that way he will learn when something is a little bad, and when something is very bad.
     
  11. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Thanks everyone, I've started to get him to help me more with his sister (putting cream on her bum which he thought was funny) & putting on her socks etc He seems calm this morning & is actually listening to me maybe it's because I'm calmer & feel better for getting how I feel of my chest on here.

    I don't want him growing up an obnoxious child with no manners so I'm starting to implement these things now & I'll speak to H too. I'm going to find a local playgroup to bring him to so that he can run off some of his energy. It's hard in the winter as it's so wet/cold you don't want to take him out much although yesterday we went to the park to feed the ducks.

    You are all fantastic ladies with great advice as usual thank you once again XX
     
  12. Margery Dawe

    Margery Dawe Silver Member

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    What great advice you have all given. I LOVE this forum :D

    I think the advice about ignoring bad behaviour is vital. It could be that he feels that he can only get your attention through bad behaviour. You need to really, really praise him when he does something good. You may feel that you are going OTT, but it does work. Always have something good planned for the afternoon that you can do together. Whether it is a walk in the park, feeding the ducks, reading a book or going to a friends house. It must be something that you do together, as it's your attention that he wants. Mine always used to like baking, it kills an hour or two and they are so proud of what they have baked.

    Even if he has been naughty at some point, if he has done something good say 'Because you have been good, we are going to do .......'

    He will soon realise that his bad behaviour is being ignored and he gets more attention from being good. Tantrums take a lot of energy!!

    Good luck. It may take a couple of weeks, but you will get there and it will be worth it.

    xx
     
  13. CatCrazy

    CatCrazy Gold Member

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    Thanks Fillymum. I like to think I got the balance right despite my friends at the time telling me I was too strict. Theyre all fairly normal kids/adults (ages are 13-22) but the worst trouble they got into at school was missing dinner to play footy or the usual "guinea pig ate my homework"


    I know its hard having 2 little ones as I had mine all fairly close together 4 kids 0-9 and there were times i could have just given in for a quiet life, even just a quiet half hour but I always kept the bigger picture in my head, teach them young and the teenage years wont be so bad and I've found the teenage years a breeze compared to the terrible 2's so get it right now and the worst should be over soon.

    And you're dead right, a calmer mum equals a calmer child, they learn so much by mimicking. Even when you're not feeling calm keep your voice and actions calm, it will diffuse many a tantrum.
     
  14. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    So true CatCrazy.

    I've found now DD is 18 she comes home complaing about how her friends (of a similar age) deal with their children ie discipline, food etc. I can here me coming out of her so many times:rolleyes:

    When DD was a teenager, school had a problem with discipline, she often shouted at the teachers because she could! When we were called to the headmasters office (many times:cool:) he couldn't believe we didn't have a problem with her at home. And thats because she wasn't allowed to get away with it.

    Just a funny for you, when DD was at the hormonal age, we started to give her evening primrose & cod liver oil tablets every day, me & OH used to call them her 'happy pills', unfortunately she heard this & when next called into the headmasters office she told him she was on tablets for her anger:eek: I did have to explain to him what she was taking & why.
     
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