Sahara
Full Member
Hello fellow Cambridgers,
I am Sahara. I'm not a new member but have never written a diary before, and thought it might be quite therapeutic. When I used to go on minimins before I found the diaries very inspirational.
My story.......I am 38 and have been dieting for the last 20 years. I'm 5'4in and weigh 13st4lb. REALLY BORED OF IT NOW!!!!
I was a very slightly chubby child compared to my skinny mum and sister, and felt fat. However when I look back at pictures I realise I was just fine as I was, but I felt fat so started dieting. And the story has continued ever since. I once read a quote something like "I wish I was as slim as when I first started dieting" which for me is totally true. I think if I had never started dieting, and filling my head with all sorts of guilt and negativity, I wouldn't be the size I am now. However, I realise that I need to diet to lose the weight, and I really want this time to be the beginning of the end.
I have had minimal success with slimming groups in the past, but the only real success I have had before is when I did Lighterlife in 2007. I lost two and a half stone and got down to 10st ish. However, I wasn't able to enjoy the success as had an argument with my husband who said, "I PREFERRED YOU BEFORE!!" Turns out my husband likes curvy girls, which I find incredibly frustrating as I was a size 12 when I met him!! This has caused us numerous arguments, as I cannot understand how he could find me attractive. My husband is the kindest, most loving man I could ever wish for, and he has promised me the support I need. I think his problem is that he is slim, and can never gain weight (bloody annoying I know!!) and does not find skinny attractive. He really has nothing to worry about, as I am never going to be skinny, I just want to be a comfortable size 12 and fit into my old clothes.
I have dabbled ever since with high protein shake type diets, and have done Cambridge and Lighterlife a few times since, but never with the right focus or mindset. A few things have changed in the past few months which have given me the kick in the behind I need.
1. I had a health scare, which turned out okay, but made me realise I am heading towards diabetes and lots of other nasty things if I carry on the way I am. Hopefully this has also given hubby a kick up the behind.
2. I have realised that a lot of my issues are due to my childhood, and have been thinking back at experiences which got me here, which has made me evaluate my life. The most important person is my daughter who is 10 years old.
3. I am really unfit!!!!!!
I am naturally quite a positive person, and this diet is good for me as you get to see quick results. I weigh 13st4lb and know I can get to (or very near) goal by April if I stick to it. That will mean I can go on holiday in Summer and wear the clothes I want to wear!!!! This is what I need to keep thinking about.
Here is what is going to help me achieve
Looking forward to sharing my journey with you all, any support greatly appreciated, let's help each other
xXx
I am Sahara. I'm not a new member but have never written a diary before, and thought it might be quite therapeutic. When I used to go on minimins before I found the diaries very inspirational.
My story.......I am 38 and have been dieting for the last 20 years. I'm 5'4in and weigh 13st4lb. REALLY BORED OF IT NOW!!!!
I was a very slightly chubby child compared to my skinny mum and sister, and felt fat. However when I look back at pictures I realise I was just fine as I was, but I felt fat so started dieting. And the story has continued ever since. I once read a quote something like "I wish I was as slim as when I first started dieting" which for me is totally true. I think if I had never started dieting, and filling my head with all sorts of guilt and negativity, I wouldn't be the size I am now. However, I realise that I need to diet to lose the weight, and I really want this time to be the beginning of the end.
I have had minimal success with slimming groups in the past, but the only real success I have had before is when I did Lighterlife in 2007. I lost two and a half stone and got down to 10st ish. However, I wasn't able to enjoy the success as had an argument with my husband who said, "I PREFERRED YOU BEFORE!!" Turns out my husband likes curvy girls, which I find incredibly frustrating as I was a size 12 when I met him!! This has caused us numerous arguments, as I cannot understand how he could find me attractive. My husband is the kindest, most loving man I could ever wish for, and he has promised me the support I need. I think his problem is that he is slim, and can never gain weight (bloody annoying I know!!) and does not find skinny attractive. He really has nothing to worry about, as I am never going to be skinny, I just want to be a comfortable size 12 and fit into my old clothes.
I have dabbled ever since with high protein shake type diets, and have done Cambridge and Lighterlife a few times since, but never with the right focus or mindset. A few things have changed in the past few months which have given me the kick in the behind I need.
1. I had a health scare, which turned out okay, but made me realise I am heading towards diabetes and lots of other nasty things if I carry on the way I am. Hopefully this has also given hubby a kick up the behind.
2. I have realised that a lot of my issues are due to my childhood, and have been thinking back at experiences which got me here, which has made me evaluate my life. The most important person is my daughter who is 10 years old.
3. I am really unfit!!!!!!
I am naturally quite a positive person, and this diet is good for me as you get to see quick results. I weigh 13st4lb and know I can get to (or very near) goal by April if I stick to it. That will mean I can go on holiday in Summer and wear the clothes I want to wear!!!! This is what I need to keep thinking about.
Here is what is going to help me achieve
- my lovely Cambridge counsellor and you lovely minimins peoole!
- filling my head with positive mantras - I always used to think this was a load of old rubbish, but on one of my weight loss endeavours (about four years ago) my friend and I went to a hypnotherapist. Essentially it was about deep relaxation and mindfulness, but what she said really made sense. Over the past 20 years I have filled my head with negativity about being fat and ugly. I need to push these thoughts to the back of my head by filling my head with positives. If you tell yourself something eventually you will become it. (I think this is why I became fat in the first place as I was teased by my skinny family so much). After the hypno, I used to fill me head with the mantras I AM SLIM, I EAT HEALTHY FOOD, I EXERCISE REGULARLY. Weirdly, after doing this on the bus to work for a few weeks it really started to work, and I started to eat like a normal slim person, so I know this works. Who knows why I didn't carry on!!!
- sticking to the diet, but realising that if I have a blip, it is only a blip, and getting straight back on it again
- exercise! I have tried running, but find it sooooooo boring, however I have two dogs so I can easily achieve a long dog walk at least every other day.
- I am a great believer in positivity, and have read a lot about writing down three positive things at the end of each day, so am going to try this too.
Looking forward to sharing my journey with you all, any support greatly appreciated, let's help each other
xXx
