25 stone to 19 stone in 8 months.

Really down in the dumps.
Feel at rock bottom.
In a rut.
Fat and bloated and lazy and hopeless.
Want to lose a shedload of weight, but zero motivation to keep me going day by day.
Am keeping to about 1800 to 2000 a day, but the craving to binge is with me the whole time. Like an immense longing for a massive amount of something really bad like pizza or ice cream or anything not allowed in large amounts. I am fighting it daily.

Promised myself again to go swimming today. Woke up and absolutely could not be bothered.
I am struggling even to walk now.
The fat on my gigantic thighs has started to fold over itself. Red sores are developing. I put oil on them.
So hard to walk with these massive legs.
Fed up of well meaning friends sending emails telling me to go for a run or a jog. What a joke. I struggle to hobble to the kitchen.

I don't know why I am doing this.
I have not been able to book the Easter holiday because I have not lost enough weight.
I want to do so many things. The latest dream is to cross the USA by train.

I have to catch a train to another town tomorrow and go to a hospital for tests. I dread walking to the station, and I dread the long walks through hospital corridors. And I dread presenting my hugely fat self to the medical staff. Ugh. And I have to do it all again on Monday, this time gynae. Oh hell.
 
I don't know if this will help but I kind of scared myself into action. I realised I was in the Super Obese category and saw all the elevated risks involved with carrying so much excess weight. It became less about weight then and more about my health, it became about saving my life. For the longest time I don't think I really cared, and to be honest Subconsciously I definitely knew all of that and didn't like myself enough to change.
All you can do is take it one step at a time and acknowledge you have an addiction to food which will take daily motivation.
Of course your body is craving everything it usually has, sugar (sugary and carby foods alike) is addictive and there are bound to be withdrawal symptoms. Some of those symptoms are psychological too and there lies your toughest battle.
I know it's controversial but I recommend going cold turkey on sugar and carbs until your blood sugar levels balances itself again, then you can start to re-introduce complex carbs and non-refined sugar back into your diet.
But first of all - stop beating yourself up. Acknowledge where you want to be health wise and forget about what you did yesterday and what is coming up tomorrow. Focus on the moment, because that's all we really can do.
I hope you find the motivation soon hun, because all those ailments you listed at the end of your post - they can be rectified.
 
Estameme said:
I don't know if this will help but I kind of scared myself into action. I realised I was in the Super Obese category and saw all the elevated risks involved with carrying so much excess weight. It became less about weight then and more about my health, it became about saving my life. For the longest time I don't think I really cared, and to be honest Subconsciously I definitely knew all of that and didn't like myself enough to change.
All you can do is take it one step at a time and acknowledge you have an addiction to food which will take daily motivation.
Of course your body is craving everything it usually has, sugar (sugary and carby foods alike) is addictive and there are bound to be withdrawal symptoms. Some of those symptoms are psychological too and there lies your toughest battle.
I know it's controversial but I recommend going cold turkey on sugar and carbs until your blood sugar levels balances itself again, then you can start to re-introduce complex carbs and non-refined sugar back into your diet.
But first of all - stop beating yourself up. Acknowledge where you want to be health wise and forget about what you did yesterday and what is coming up tomorrow. Focus on the moment, because that's all we really can do.
I hope you find the motivation soon hun, because all those ailments you listed at the end of your post - they can be rectified.
Click to expand...

You are 100% correct, of course.
Yesterday I was rushed off to hospital in an ambulance yet again, engulfed in an asthma-like attack and was in a cubicle in A&E for 5 hours. Got home 0230.
So, yet another chest infection. Sixth course of antibiotics in 3 years. Lucky I eat live yoghurt every day!

Due to being at the hospital I had no dinner last night, saving me a good amount of calories!

Lately I've had a routine of eating:

Breakfast ... big bowl fresh fruits chopped into cubes (permutations of apple, banana, strawberries, grapes, melon, mango) with Jordan's granola, one Activia fruit yoghurt and a good dollop of plain live organic yoghurt. I graze on this over about an hour or two. Couple of big mugs of tea/fruit tea.

Lunch ... big portion of home made fat free chicken curry OR 5% fat minced beef, onions and mushrooms in a bolognese sauce, on a bed of wholegrain rice
Dinner ... ditto, or two ham and pickle sandwiches on wholemeal bread.

Treats ... a Slimfast Bar and/or a Special K Chewy Bar.

I've got all the ingredients to keep this up another couple of days.

One thing I should note is that I like the "idea" of frozen calorie-counted ready-meals, but I find the portions so small that I'd find myself having two at a time. Also I did not like eating white rice or white pasta.

So I started making up batches of home made curry or bolognese so that I could have total control over the ingredients, particularly the fat content - and hence the calories, but also make everything with brown rice. Nutrition-wise this is great, and also I can have bigger portions for the same calories as a ready meal.

However, where this all falls down is, whereas a Tesco Chicken Madras has exactly 536 calories, I actually don't know how many calories are in the dollop of home made chicken curry that I slop onto the bed of rice. I don't decant into plastic boxes; I keep a big panful in the fridge and just serve an eyeballed portion, sized according to how hungry I feel. So I could be ingesting anything from 300 to 600 calories. Not sure if I should be more obsessive about weighing every ingredient and every portion or whether it's unhealthily obsessive to even worry whether I am having 300 or 600 calories.

Dunno.

Feeling delicate, lonely and traumatised today.

Helena
 
Because of being in A&E overnight I overslept and did not keep my scheduled hospital appointment so I was at least spared that ordeal.

On the plus side, at my hospital they did all my stats, blood tests, chest xray, etc and everything is, again, normal.

I am back on St John's Wort.

That's it for now.

Thanks everyone.
 
Hi Helena! I think what Estameme says is pretty spot on, really. The only bit I'm not sure of is the idea of going cold turkey on sugar etc. I know that wouldn't have helped me, it would have have just made me give up, lol. :D I'm not saying it wouldn't work for some, just not for me and I think maybe you too? As you know, I'm a huge sugar fiend, and devote around a third of my meagre maintenance calories to sweet treats each day. However, the price I pay (willingly) for that is that I'm hungry most of the time - but I've learned to accept, even embrace, that! As I've no doubt mentioned before, I practice daily fasting, where I don't eat for a 14 hour period, from my (very late) dinner to the following lunchtime, and that's what's enabled me to get to target and beyond. It may not be for you, but it's an option. :) xx
 
I think our posts overlapped, Helena! I'm so sorry to hear you've been in hospital again. :( I hope you're a bit better now. Just keep plugging away at the weight loss - your menu sounds great! As I said earlier, I wouldn't try to cut out all treats, especially if you're depressed, as I know how hard that is - I'm a firm advocate of cutting down, not out. :) xx
 
Hi Helena, I saw that you mentioned liking low cal frozen meals but they are too small in portions. Well Slimming World have just released a ready meal range exclusively to Iceland (they are 500g meals) and are very filling. I don't know what they are calorie wise but I doubt they are very high xx
 
366to266 said:
However, where this all falls down is, whereas a Tesco Chicken Madras has exactly 536 calories, I actually don't know how many calories are in the dollop of home made chicken curry that I slop onto the bed of rice. I don't decant into plastic boxes; I keep a big panful in the fridge and just serve an eyeballed portion, sized according to how hungry I feel. So I could be ingesting anything from 300 to 600 calories. Not sure if I should be more obsessive about weighing every ingredient and every portion or whether it's unhealthily obsessive to even worry whether I am having 300 or 600 calories.
Click to expand...

With regards to the above, personally I'd count the whole pot up, divide it by the number of days you'd eat it for and that would be my calorie count for the portion regardless of the size - as long as it lasts the number of days you said it would then the calories even out over those days.

I'm sorry to hear about last night, it must be horrific for you! So major well done for even keeping weight loss in your head!

I can't offer advice re motivation and what will/wont/might help because it depends on your mindset. What works for me is looking at my calorie count over the course of a week (or more recently over the course of a month), allowing me to have the high days (or weeks!) when it's necessary but still see a loss at the end of the time period. It means that if I had a hungry/emotional/generally just can't be arsed day and overeat, it doesn't really matter as long as I adjust my calories appropriately (usually only by a couple 100 per day). Works for me - big picture thinking :)

Hope something clicks for you soon!
 
I live alone and I find low calorie ready meals are a god send. The new Asda Good and Balanced range is quite filling. I have one meal, which is usually around 280-380cals and serve it with either a huge plateful of salad or 1 or two bags of steamed vegetables. Obviously I felt ess full than I used to do when my eating was out of control, but that is because my portion sizes were out of control too. I no longer feel hungry at any point in the day. My stomach has obviously shrunk or whatever science takes places. The same would happen to you I'm sure, we are a similar size so I don't see why not.

When I cook from scratch I weigh everything out. Those added extras that we put in without thinking really make the calories add up. I get so tempted by leftovers too, they are my Achilles heal.
 
I literally live on ready meals! I have Tesco ones, and don't buy them if they're less than 450g, lol. I add the vegetable steam bags too - I like the Birds Eye ones with green beans, carrots and peas. :) xx
 
So sorry to hear things are so difficult for you Helena lovely. But you're still in the game and fighting - don't give up now! Remember how good your aqua dancing made you feel? You can get that feeling back! And you were carefully logging every morsel that went into your mouth - not so long ago now. If you need motivation maybe re read your very first heartfelt post on this thread - it's so moving... I wish I had more constructive things to suggest - I just want to say you have a lot of supporters on here and we're rooting for you. ((hugs))
 
Dear Tracy


I'm not sure of is the idea of going cold turkey on sugar etc.


I've done that. Stuck it 18 months. It works if you can totally beat the addiction. With me it led to occasional massive bingeing.

It is a valid way of doing things, if you are in the right mindset. At the moment I am really into fruit in a big way, and that bowl of fruit plus yoghurt and granola is incredibly filling and lasts me about 5 to 6 hours.


As you know, I'm a huge sugar fiend, and devote around a third of my meagre maintenance calories to sweet treats each day.


We have this in common, Tracy. There have been many days over the last few months where I have chosen to devote 600 of my 1800 to a bar of Galaxy. Not lately though: have not had a chocolate binge for about a week. Not through will-power, just haven't felt the desire, cos of being ill I suppose.

Comes in phases with me. Yesterday for example I was content with just a Slimfast bar 95 cals. In fact, I could have done without it, I just wanted "something to go with" my cuppa last night.

I hope and pray that I get to have another thing in common .... LOSING TEN STONE!
 
KRUPSKAYA

Thank you Krup for your kind words. Yes, I am still in the game! I am! I am! No chance of aquafit for now, too ill. You are right - I did stop logging. I found it incredibly tedious after a few weeks. And I am so busy all the time with one thing and another that I'd keep putting it off till later then next thing I knew it was the next day or two or three days later and I'd forgotten what I'd had!

"You have a lot of supporters on here and we're rooting for you."

It always brings tears to my eyes when I log in and read messages from you all lovely ladies. I'm so touched and grateful that there are people out there in cyberland who actually care about my progress. Being so socially isolated makes it all the more important that I have cybermates.

TRACY Thanks for reminding me about the steam bags. I did used to stock them at one point but stopped.. DUH! We need to fill up with veggies not that second frozen lasagne!

TINK86 Thanks for the news about Iceland ... I have checked out the website. You have to spend £35 to get delivery, though. I could go in person but taxi wastes £7 so makes more sense to order £35 of food. I am still not happy though that these ready meals ALWAYS use white pasta and white rice. They push themselves as the "healthy" range, so why not wholegrains? Right, I see there are only two Iceland Slimming World meals that don't include rice or pasta, and they are the chicken tikka and the braised beef. Quite expensive at £3 a pop, compared with the cost of buying a load of chicken or beef and making your own for about £1 a portion ... but convenient, and they both have excellent reviews.

STACKHEAD "count the whole pot up, divide it by the number of days you'd eat it for and that would be my calorie count for the portion regardless of the size - as long as it lasts the number of days you said it would then the calories even out over those days".... DUH! I feel really stupid now. Why didn't I think of that? You would not believe I've actually got a BSc... yet am so dumb on "the obvious" sometimes.... so thanks for that!

I have some good news to report!

1. I have an appointment at 2pm with a local woman who has lost ten stone (23 to 13) and is now a personal trainer. I'm in no position to use her services as a fitness guru (YET) but I want to make that personal contact. (Good to have role models to prove to myself that massive weight loss CAN be achieved.) I intend to ask if she could just come and visit me once a week for an hour (I will pay her, of course!) but just to chat about dieting and, well, just be a friend more than anything. So I am quite excited about meeting her!

2. Yesterday I ate only two meals ... the big bowl of fruit, yoghurt and granola at about 10am that lasted me till about 5pm, when I had a big bowl of chicken curry and brown rice. About 8pm I had a mug of tea and a Slimfast Bar. Total about 1500-1600 calories. I definitely find brown rice more filling and more lasting than white. I'll never go back now.


3. My travel companion rang and asked if I've booked our trip for Easter, which I have not because I did not lose the weight I'd planned to lose. Good news is, he's not cross with me, not giving up on me, and is prepared to go somewhere in the UK or wherever I feel I can manage. I'm grateful to have such an easy-going friend.

I still haven't eaten since 5pm (it's now 11am) and I don't feel all that hungry. (Nod to Tracy and her fasting.) I have to go eat now, though, so I can take my medications (I have a chest infection). I intend to eat the leftover beef mince/mushroom/onion in tomato sauce concoction, with brown rice. I'll have the fruit salad and granola for afternoon tea instead this time.

Whilst eating I shall browse Iceland online!

Many thanks once again for not giving up on me. I'm not giving up!

Love & hugs to everyone

xxxxxxxxxx Helena xxxxxxxxxx
 
Last edited:
Would never suggest going cold turkey on good sugars such as fructose (fruit and veg) and complex carbs because our body is designed to eat them! Sucrose and added sugars are the offending substances, especially when mixed with fat. So chocolates, ice cream, sugary drinks, anything with added chemical sugar that our body is not designed to metabolise.
 
You're sounding more positive, Helena, which makes me happy! :)

I hope your meeting with the local trainer lady goes well - that sounds like a great idea. I found regular GP appointments about my weight loss to be very helpful in the early days, as it made me accountable to someone outside of my immediate circle, and maybe you'll get something similar with this lady, as well as some useful tips. :) xx
 
Hi Helena - PMA - excellent stuff! Have you read the blog written by Weight Loss B.I.T.C.H (I added the full stops and capitals as it was blanking out the whole word). Its very inspirational. She weighed over 40 stone and so far has lost 20 stone without any surgery or medication. Google it and you'll find her if you haven't already. She had quite a few false starts but once the weight loss bug clicked with her, it clicked and there was no stopping her.

I was a very heavy smoker for many years (40+ a day) for about 20 years (shamefully). I must have tried and failed to give up at least 50 times and that's no exaggeration. But I refused to stop trying and one day it clicked. That was five years ago and I have been smoke free since then. I know it's not the same as weight loss as with food you don't have the luxury of going cold turkey but I just use it as an example to illustrate that you never truly fail until you stop trying. That's why your PMA is SO fantastic to see! Just keep on going till it clicks!
 
krupskaya said:
you never truly fail until you stop trying
Click to expand...

Put this in big letters somewhere you'll see it! You know you're too hard on yourself when you haven't kept within calories so make this your mantra. You're still here, still exploring what will work for you, still TRYING. Which is 95% of the battle.

P.s. the personal trainer plan sounds awesome. It also means that if and when you feel ready to do some physical training you've already got someone who understands you and your challenges.
 
hi just spent a long time reading your diary , really good read and some fabulous inspirational advice from people x
loving the PMA by the end x
i too have a lot to lose more than you :sigh: but we will do this x i step at a time ,doesn't matter how long it takes as long as we don't give up xx
 
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