25 stone to 19 stone in 8 months.

[366to266]

Sorry, to have to report bad news.

Today I got more and more upset about everything as the day wore on (not just lack of weight loss and general frustration with conflicting diets and ideas etc but life) and just so fed up and tired and hurting all over from the slam-ball, weightlifting and boxing yesterday, disgusted with myself for getting into my cossie then NOT going to aquafit as planned... and I just got sadder and more distressed and slumped into the doldrums and then suddenly on impulse I dashed out to the Co Op and went totally effing crazy. Total mad binge. I never thought I would do that again, but I did. For the record, I had a double pepperoni and anchovy pizza with extra olives, cheese and onions, (a salt-fest, sorry); 10 "Indian mini snacks" (i.e. barjis and samosas); a small tub of coronation chicken, with a tiger roll; 114g (large) Galaxy Caramel. I record also that I don't feel one whit better for doing this crazy thing. I should have gone upstairs, taken a shower and got into bed and had a cry and a nap instead. Stupid me.

It could be worse: at least I'd had a low calorie breakfast, and I didn't eat (and won't be eating) anything else today other than the binge foods.

I am sorry ladies that I let myself down, let my trainer down and let you all down. I don't know what more to say, really.

Well, there is nothing I can do about it now, just get back on track tomorrow with 1800 calories clean, aquafit in the morning and chair-obics in the afternoon. I might even try to walk back from the pool (one mile) but I won't push myself too hard if I am not up to it.

 

[carrieclaus]

You sound as though your a very emotional eater... Do not do anything that may cause sadness. You woke up this morning feeling happy, slimmer and then weighed to confirm your happiness and bam the total opposite happened. Sending you spiralling into more despair. Rather than trying to stop the binging ( I was awful at my worst ) why not try to stop the behaviours that may lead to any unhappiness? Ie if you felt happy and slim this morning then just go with that. Happiness is a feeling not a visual confirmation. Line drawn. You will feel worse tomorrow after this episode but you will feel better on Monday after a good day tomorrow xxx


Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins.com

 

[Estameme]

Hi - regarding the soup and salt - yes it says there is 4g of salt in the whole pot. One serving (half pot) is 2g. You said you'd had a pint of soup in your first post which is the whole pot, so that's why I stated 4g. It would be ok(ish) on the diets where you only eat 500 cals per day because you wouldn't be eating anything else with sodium (probably) because you'd have had your calories already. On a 1700 cal plan you still have a long way to go through the day so the sodium intake keeps going up.

Try to use this blow out to your advantage - youve reset your metabolism a little bit so, - weigh yourself in the morning, naked and after a wee - record it. Then stick to 1700 (or whatever works for you) for the whole week, drink plenty of water, watch your sodium and do not put too much focus on the scale I.e Do not record any gains or losses throughout the week. After a whole week of staying on plan weigh yourself again, same time same place, and record that number. After your weigh-in allow yourself a treat - a meal or perhaps a food stuff you've been craving, but try to only make it one meal, not the whole day. And repeat the following week. Do not expect massive losses immediately. Plot your progress over the course of weeks, rather than over the course of days like you are doing now.


The vibe I get from you is one of reactive behaviour and high emotion. The best way to calm this down is with a firm routine. Our bodies and minds thrive on routine and I'm sure you'd feel less stress if you adopted a firmer approach to weighing and be less critical of yourself.
Good luck!

 

[broadsbean]

you have not let anyone down x not even your self, binge eating is every bit an eating disorder as bulimia and anorexia and is more commonly recognised by medical professions these days.

you are putting so much pressure on your self honey and that is going to have a very demoralizing effect, i understand every single thing you have said and have been there. I also am sure i will have dark days again but i will not allow them to beat me x
Don't stress the eating plan you are on it WILL work you need to give it time, i didn't mean to confuse the food issue i just answered your questions, it works for me but its not for everybody. Stick to what you know and stop torturing your self, your body will catch up with the work you are doing x

draw a line under today, forgive your self and move on. tomorrow is a new day x

You are making your self so unhappy and that's not going to help x You can move past this and you will x

I have been right where you are and its an awful place. I am on my way out of it you will find your way out too xxxx

:bighug::bighug::bighug:

 

[Blondcat]

I do really empathise with your binges. When I am bad I am awful - way worse than the food you have listed. Something broadbean said about it being an eating disorder really hit a nerve with me. No one could be more disciplined than me when I am in the zone and on it. I am perfect diet and exercise wise. But if I eat one mouthful of chocolate it can trigger something in me where I cannot stop and 4000 calories later my heart is racing I feel sick and I have excruciating stomach cramps. But I still do it. I keep my weight down by being incredibly good usually 5 days a week but it's now stopping me losing weight and I've been stuck where I am for 3 months.

I'm actually considering getting professional help because there's got to be something underlying psychologically going on. I just don't know how to recognise and fix it and I don't really think it's will power because most days I have the will power of a hungry bear (pardon the pun).

I'm not in the same boat weight wise as you so can't pretend to fully understand your situation. I can't offer any advice on the binging because I don't know how to deal with it myself but I at least wanted you to know you're not alone.

 

[ladyfelsham]

Morning Helena

I hope you got a good night's sleep and are ready to get back into things again today hun. I so agree or emphathise with everyone's comments, binge eating is a bl**dy difficult thing to overcome and every time you do, it is a triumph to be celebrated.

I had people for dinner last night, baked a huge apple and strudel pastry thing for dessert, over half was left, then when they'd gone I went and ate the entire blooming lot! I was trying to make myself stop while I was eating it - and just not obeying! For me it's got something to do with not leaving any food - maybe because we were so poor when i was young, it was really drummed into me not to waste food and finish everything on my plate - and is particularly kicking in again, now I'm on a house saving budget.

Please don't be too despondent - those feelings of guilt can be overwhelming, I know, but you can't go back in time and undo it - so try instead to focus all your energies on the happiness of changing your future xxx

 

[366to266]

Hi everyone and thanks for the messages.


Broadsbean

Yes, you are right. I suffer from a perfectionism syndrome: if I cannot be perfect, then I just give up. (My father's conditioning - again!) I DO torture myself, it's true. THIS is why when I go off the wagon it's never for one meal or for one day - it's usually about 3 or 6 months! When I was little, if I didn't do something right and perfect the very first time I tried (ride a bike, build Lego, wash dishes) my dad would sneer and say I was useless and would NEVER be able to do it. Never. And he said this so often through those formative years that it's completely ingrained in me. If I have not instantly been great at, say, darts or tennis, cooking, sewing, swimming, learning a subject, then I give up immediately. So if I find something hard, like exercise, or keeping to a diet, there is my father's voice in my head saying, "You might as well give up, because you will never, EVER be able to do this". This mindset has always been my "default" setting and it's only been since he died in 2004 that I've gradually come to realise WHY I give up, have no professional ambitions, am useless at most things, and feel a failure. Seems it is taking me more than a decade to overcome 40+ years of believing this about myself.

Blondcat

Thanks for visiting. Hey! Someone is worse that me. That tears me in two because it makes me feel better about myself, but it makes me feel sorry for you, especially the horrible physical symptoms.

Susie

Thanks to you, too, for your thoughts. "I had people for dinner last night" ~ oh no! People are just FULL of calories! Don't eat them! Yes, I slept like a log as usual. My sleep apnoea has lessened, which helps, plus I had THREE o****ms last night heheheh always makes us sleep well, eh, ladies? I understand TOTALLY when you say "I was trying to make myself stop while I was eating it - and just not obeying! For me it's got something to do with not leaving any food..." I, too, have a COMPULSION to snaffle everything and "tidy it away". My b/f says, "eat a few pieces of chocolate each day". He cannot understand that I cannot! I really cannot! I HAVE to finish it, "tidy it up" and throw away the wrappings. For me, it has to be cold turkey on chocolate for now.

Carrie

Thank you for dropping by. Yes, you have got me to a T! "weighed to confirm your happiness and bam the total opposite happened. Sending you spiralling into more despair." and "You will feel worse tomorrow after this episode but you will feel better on Monday after a good day tomorrow."

Today, I am going to make myself proud, and make all of you proud, too. I promise!

Esta

Thank you for all your wise words. You are 100% correct in everything, I can feel that in my (substantial) gut.


I am sorry about the confusion over the soup. The carton is 700g and I have no idea what that is in pint measurement. I poured some into a mug which I know from previous measurement is a pint. There was some left but the carton isn't transparent so I didn't know how much. I didn't think it mattered about being precise cos it never occurred to me that anyone on here would analyse the soup


I'm eating the rest of that same soup now and this time the pint cup isn't as full, so clearly I didn't have a pint first time, I must have had about 3/5ths of 700g. Blimey these weights and measures are a nightmare, aren't they?


"Try to use this blow out to your advantage - youve reset your metabolism a little bit so, - weigh yourself in the morning, naked and after a wee - record it. Then stick to 1700.."


This is exactly what I plan to do. I'm saying, "Right, you've had your treats, now's time to knuckle down to some serious health-enhancing work."
To repair damage and let my cortisol and insulin levels go down, I did not eat anything from the end of my binge about 4pm yesterday until 11am today.


This morning I stayed in bed till 1030 watching slimmers' personal videos on YT. One woman who has lost 78lb has every Friday off & eats whatever she wants - a total binge. Then I saw another and she did the same. They both said it made no difference to their weight loss. So now I am pondering if this might work for me. I'm sceptical because my binges are never planned; they are impulse-binges caused by emotions, not hunger. So next time I get an impulse I will attempt "mind control" by saying I can have it on Tuesday (my appointed cheat day). If when Tuesday comes I don't feel like a binge then I won't have one "just for the sake of it".


When I got up I looked at myself naked in the mirror :sigh: and I DEFINITELY look slimmer.My stomach has shrunk in front and I can pull it it quite a lot more. My waist looks slightly more defined. I weighed in a thin cotton kaftan at 11am and am 333.6. That is 0.4lb down from yesterday. I will put the scales away and TRY (no promises!) not to weigh till Friday.


As well as the 2/5th of 700g of soup, I am eating a whole raw carrot. I love carrots raw and really should exploit this more.


I am now going to the pool to do 60 minutes of aquafit. I will then attempt to walk home (one mile) but, if I can't, then I will stop and ring for a cab. I shall take a couple of banana to eat when I leave the pool or on a park bench at the halfway mark on the way back.


My eating plan for the week is to stop eating my daily brown rice and substitute with more vegetables (onions, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower) with my home made chicken curry or minced beef. I will also eat up all the Covent Garden soups that I have in the freezer, and have a side of raw carrot with each mug.


My trainer is having a week off, so I will have to somehow find the motivation to exercise without her :-( I guess I can do aquafit x 3 and walk back x 3 and do chair-aerobics on the days in between.

If I can stick to this for a week and weigh on Friday, surely I will see something shift?



Helena

 

[366to266]

Purple ~ summer 2013 ~ 360 pounds (?)
In black, last summer ~ 352 pounds
Group pic was Xmas ~ 330 pounds (?)

 

[366to266]

At last I have an NSV to report!

Just took my black hoodie out of the draw it's sat in for about a year. I always had to pull the two sides together quite hard to engage the zip at the bottom of the garment. It was so tight on my hips that of course it kept "riding up" when it was zipped up, ending up in my waist, which makes your a$$ look worse than ever.

Just put it on and NO PULLING! I didn't have to use the elastication around the hem AT ALL .. wow!

 

[TracyGWill]

Great NSV there, Helena!

Re the weekly cheat day - I know for a fact that wouldn't have worked for me at the stage of weight loss you're at now. As a fellow binge eater, I would have just spiralled out of control. It's far better, IMHO, to just build treats into your daily calories. I don't see any way a weekly cheat can possibly not affect your weight loss - I would expect my weight to shoot up hugely if I tried it. Just my opinion. xx

 

[366to266]

Great news to share!

Performed one hour of aquafit and THEN walked 1.2 miles home!




More tomorrow!

Helena

 

[chezz]

well done helena x x x

 

[366to266]

Mayra Rosales: SEVENTY-stone woman once dubbed the 'half-ton killer' loses an incredible 80% of her bodyweight - Mirror Online

Mayra Rosales: SEVENTY-stone woman loses an incredible 80% of her bodyweight

 

[Llamasoks]

Your NSV's are amazing! Keep at it Hun, you'll get there. I know how damaging a binge can be to your mentality (I've just gotten off a weekend one and feel pants!), and how hard it is to draw a line under it but you can't let it affect your whole week or month. You have to learn however works for you to draw a line under it and think "Okay, I've had a day off, I enjoyed everything I ate but tomorrow I will be good".

Listen to your body, you FEEL slimmer, you have had NSV's, you have a positive attitude. Try and think of something positive you've done every day, no matter what the scales tell you.
X

 

[366to266]

Thanks Llama, Chezz and Tracy for the messages of hope & praise!

Goddammit I promised I would not weigh but when I went to put the scale away in a cupboard for the week on sudden impulse I stepped on "just one last time" and found I am a pound down from yesterday. So, Now 332.

I should blooming well hope so, too: yesterday I did over 1,500 calories of exercise and only ingested 1,500 calories!

Just had a really filling breakfast.... must make a mental note that it was very satisfying for under 400 calories:

350g Covent Garden Goan chicken and lentil soup 154

2 slices Warburtons 110

3oz ham (one oz in the soup and 2 oz between two bits of toast, with mustard pickle) 102 + 13

pint of tea 25

I bought a 1kg pack of ham "offcuts" at the Co Op reduced to £1.99. I like this better than slices as it's already chopped up ready for sandwiches, soups and omelettes. Only trouble is, it was on its last day and it is not freezable AND it has to be eaten within 48 hours. I shall doubtless exceed this by a couple of days (I've helped by decanting it into airtight takeaway containers.)

Also bought 12 large free range eggs. So I guess ham omelettes are going to be on the menu for a couple of days. I wonder if I can find other low fat recipes that use eggs and ham?

Have ordered some Frylight with my weekly Tesco order. Also Quark and creme fraiche to see if they are any good for anything (will search online for recipes).

I'm ever so proud of what I did yesterday! I said I'd walk home from the pool and I did. I know that it's not far by most people's standards, but to me it was HUGE ... it's over a year since I walked back.

It's 0.9 of a mile, but I even made the walk back further than it really is (to about 1.2m) by dropping by at the gym en route, and then at a new martial arts centre on the seafront (much nearer to my house). I collected leaflets and found out prices and intend to do "something".

The gym

I can get a GP referral to the gym for a discount price, and then join a group of others the same for twice-weekly sessions.

Pricewise, with a GP referral, the induction plus 20 trainer-supervised sessions will cost me £71 (averages out at £3.55 per session). Without GP referral, induction costs £30 then each session £5.30 so that would amount to £136.50 (averages out at £6.82 per session). What is more, going as a casual member means no trainer-supervised sessions, either.

On the downside, there isn't that much I can actually DO at the gym. They don't offer boxing or slam-ball (which I have just started doing with my PT and love them). I can't use any of the machines that involve leg work (for various physical reasons) so that leaves upper-body weight lifting type exercises. But I think I will do it anyway, as £3.55 per session is a great bargain esp as it includes professional advice from a Level 4 qualified trainer.

The martial arts centre

They offer Qi Gong, Taiji Quan, meditation, Shiatsu and Wing Chun. I have no idea what most of these are :-( They also run advanced self defence for women, which, the lady inside assured me, would involve learning to flip an assailant over onto his back. I really like the sound of that!

Off to research martial arts....

Added a photo taken yesterday. This is the view I get walking home. Pretty good, eh?

Helena x

 

[366to266]

This is a video made at the martial arts centre I am thinking of joining

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peO5gZaORbI&t=149

 

[chezz]

hi helena
wow you have some great ideas love and i like your way of thinking finding new recipes
i would do the gym love it could help you and open up new ideas if does not work least you have tried love
i love your view when walking home that is brilliant hun
so proud of you helena you in the zone x x :grouphugg:

 

[krupskaya]

Hi Helena - fab NSVs! Go you! The prospect of the gym and maybe martial arts sounds very exciting. I joined the gym last year quite reluctantly but I love it now - it's started a whole new addiction to exercise. I'm doing the NHS couch to 5K (C25K) as well as using the free weights in the gym. The good thing about weight training is that you make sure you maintain lean body tissue whilst losing fat stores, plus you burn more calories at rest. Go for it!

 

[Estameme]

Well done on your NSVs! And the scale is definitely heading in the right direction. Keep it up!

 

[366to266]

Thanks for the messages m'ladies

Absolutely knackered today. Cannot do anything except sit down. Also, hungry all day. Well I only had 1500 yesterday (300 short) so I have allowed myself to go up to 2100 today (300 over).

I'm also really cold the whole time (probably from lack of calories).

Still proud from yesterday - yay me!

Helena