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3 lbs down!


Silver Member
Well - the one happy outcome of all this is that LL is definitely my salvation! I feel rough, but I love my foodpacks - they taste so much better than normal food (WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT!!!?!) I suppose that after months of them, icecream and chocolate was far too rich for my system and made me feel all 'groooo' so - self indulgence aside - I don't think I actually need the comfort food. The other heartening thing is that the weight has come off as quickly as it went on and my weight is only reading a few pounds higher than it did on Wednesday morning before the binge - I've got about half of my water down me and I'm sure that going back on the packs is the best thing for me right now if only because normal food was way too rich for me.

My reaction to seeing 151 on the scales was odd and a little worrying - it felt - briefly like nothing had changed - I found myself standing there feeling as helpless as I used to feel in the days of a binge when I would weigh 17.5 stone at the end and not 10.5 stone...my initial reaction was self-loathing - a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had no self-control or ability to regulate my eating. And then I decided to remind myself that I am not actually fully in control of my senses as it is - this is not me being normal - I have never been good at being ill because I am a very healthy person. I am not trying to be draconian or exert extraordinary control over myself at a time of stress, I am trying to learn how to look after myself appropriately.

I just want things to be back to normal - and for the moment, LL is actually my normality...

Ugh - time to sleep again. So bored of this...
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