A Diary of Disillusionment

Today I decided to wax my underarms, because I was so sick of shaving :rolleyes:. Either I've paid £10 for a rubbish wax kit or the hairs were too short, but I fiddled around trying to wax for half an hour and then gave up and shaved anyway. Now I'll have to wait a few weeks til the hair is long enough to wax - a bit gross considering I swim all the time!

Food today
4 Hobnobs, a crumpet
Fresh baked haddock (no batter) with mash and peas
Tuna salad sandwich

About 1,300 cals in all. Exercise - 1hr 15 minutes swimming, 30 mins walking.
 
ladyfelsham said:
Well done for giving the wax a go - I always preferred shaving because the other hurt too much!

Now I don't bother at all :D
Click to expand...

Haha! Any particular reason?
 
So, not that this is really weight-loss relevant but I attempted (again) to wax my underarms tonight.
It was so painful at times that it was almost intolerable - I had to keep stopping and starting because my follicles were bleeding - and in the end I did about 50% of each arm and gave up. I'm going to try and wax what's left tomorrow, but my God it hurts. It's so difficult to pull the skin taut, and the skin is so sensitive. I'm going to try an epilator.
 
So I fell off the wagon for 2 weeks and am very angry with myself. I have only gained 1lb, so not terrible, but it has been a wasted fortnight because I stopped my swimming routine and couldn't force myself back into it. I have 2 weeks before my holiday and I am going to try and lose 8lbs in that time.
 
Feeling terrible tonight. I had arranged to go for a drink with a nice man, Jamie, on Saturday night - just platonic at first but maybe seeing where it goes. I cancelled it because I can't cope with the thought of him seeing me at this weight, and I know I'd spend the whole night wondering what my belly and arms look like and what other people in the pub are thinking of me. There are times when I do genuinely disgust myself. I haven't let anyone take a photograph of me in years. It makes me miserable. It makes me not want to meet people, or even leave the house. It makes me fear nudity and sex and prohibits me from seeking relationships. It affects my whole life. I am stepping up my swimming regime and making a pact to be stricter with myself, and I've set some new goals. I just wish I could speed everything up. I have 2st to lose before I'm out of the Obese category and I want it gone, gone, gone. :cry:
 
Oh hun I know exactly how you feel - I have the same bad body image problems - and I'm nearly twice your size! All those things - getting close to someone, intimacy, how horrible clothes look on me, what other people think - I feel the same feelings of disgust.

BUT there are two issues here - my ex used to love me at any shape - and I am sure you wouldn't want to be with someone who judges you for the way you look, would you - you would want them to be in love with the person you are.

So I think -

1) we both find blokes who are attracted to us as people :), and
2) do you want to work with me to investigate ways we might overcome this bad body image?

Sxxxxxx
 
ladyfelsham said:
Oh hun I know exactly how you feel - I have the same bad body image problems - and I'm nearly twice your size! All those things - getting close to someone, intimacy, how horrible clothes look on me, what other people think - I feel the same feelings of disgust.

BUT there are two issues here - my ex used to love me at any shape - and I am sure you wouldn't want to be with someone who judges you for the way you look, would you - you would want them to be in love with the person you are.

So I think -

1) we both find blokes who are attracted to us as people :), and
2) do you want to work with me to investigate ways we might overcome this bad body image?

Sxxxxxx
Click to expand...

Hi,

Thankyou so much for replying, I know I do whinge.

The thing is, I've never had much experience with men (am 23), and I know that being overweight does put people off, there's no denying it. Like that saying, "You can't sleep with someone's personality". And I know that even if someone didn't mind and did want that sort of thing, there is no way I would be brave enough to get undressed and allow it. Just the thought makes me feel sick. I feel like the only way I could overcome it is to lose weight, it just seems to be happening so slowly. I want to be in a totally different mindset, with a totally different body, when I hit 24 in June.

Amy.
 
I still have those issues. When I first got with my boyfriend I couldn't understand what on earth he could possibly find attractive.

My method was to just fake it. Fake the confidence and not giving a shizz what anyone thinks and eventually that just becomes your default and you don't have to fake it anymore!

Plus you'll be surprised at the confidence boost you'll get from losing even a little weight. You don't have to be at target before your mindset starts changing :)
 
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