A lonely time....

[little_mynx]

I have been on the slimming world plan now for 3 weeks, just starting the 4 week.

My husband does not offer me any support, and only makes comments about how 'fat' I am and compares me to other people and most recently Adele. He said that some designer was being slated for saying that she was fat, at which point my husband turned to me and said 'well, she not as fat as you'. :cry::cry::cry:

I don't know what to do? I am hurting so bad. I hate my husband for what he has said. I feel like such a failure and I should just give up. I'm never going to be slim.

He seems to have changed since we got married (just over 2 years ago) and since he has lost weight (about 3 1/2 stone). He has no interest in me and spends every minute working (he is self employed). When he gets an empty day, he can not wait to book in any work that may come in for that day. Heaven forbid he actually spends a whole day with me.

Also, there is no 'intimacy' in the relationship anymore. Its like he can't even bear to touch me. I have found out that he is looking at more and more photos of his female friends on facebook, particularly ones with low cut tops etc; and that he has been looking for topless photos of our neighbour who he has a crush on (its in the internet search history on our computer)

I've tried to talk to him about our relationship and whether or not he is happy or would prefer to have a break, but he just shies away.

I have now immediate family close that I can talk to or ask for support.

I feel so lost and alone. :cry::cry::cry:

I give up....

:break_diet::break_diet::break_diet::break_diet:

 

[Caburygurl]

Am sorry to hear that Hun and you should not think anything is wrong with you. The problem is him and maybe because his lost weight his got a chip on his shoulder . I hope you are loosing weight for yourself and not to make him happy. Try and talk to him and tell him how you feel ok

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[kimmykins2008]

Im sorry, it cannot be easy for you at the moment, what you have described if it were to take place in the workplace for example would be classed as bullying.
You have to both sit down and talk about this, I know you say you have tried with little success but keep trying, maybe it would be easier for you to write it down, write him a letter for example of how you feel and where you think your relationship is going, sometimes easier and more honest than face to face.
Do you have a family member or friend you could stay with for a night or two for a short break away from the situation?
Most importantly do not give up, you can be strong. If you are loosing weight for yourself to feel better and to increase your confidence then stick with it, you can indeed succeed and the first three weeks should have proven this, your husband has had his chance, its time to think of yourself as number one, carry on and try your hardest to prove both himself and yourself wrong, YOU CAN DO IT;-)

 

[Minimunchkins]

I'm sorry but he's just being a total t*at! You were obviously good enough 2+yrs ago, but now that he's lost weight he's turned into god's gift eh!?

Nobody should make anyone else, let alone their partner, feel so sad and saying those things to your face is just plain vicious.

I ditto what caburygurl says, insomuch as any weight loss you achieve should be for you and only you. With an attitude like that, I personally think he deserves his own company - don't be a doormat chick - - think of your own happiness.
<<<<hugs>>>>

 

[kimy27]

I have to agree that your husband is an a**hole! I think you should lose the weight for yourself and then tell him where to go. I know it's hard but it's emotional abuse and you deserve so much better.

 

[xMandyDx]

You've gotten great advice here, Little Mynx. I do truly hope you and your husband can work things out.

Personally, I wouldn't p*ss on that sort of person if they were on fire. 2 years ago he thought you were the bee's knees, and now since he's lost weight, you're suddenly not good enough? I bet you supported him through his ups and downs while he lost weight. Now it's his turn!

Although in all honesty, it appears as if he's already looking elsewhere in his mind. I'm sorry darling, but I wouldn't beat a dead horse.

Get rid of him and only happiness can follow.

I'm sorry if this is too harsh for you, or for anyone else reading, but you have to draw the line somewhere, and emotional abuse is definitely a line you can't cross without burning some bridges.

 

[Mandy123]

**** him off, lose weight for yaself, get yaself a new bloke if u want and that wud really pss your hubby off, gud luk were all with you xxx

 

[foxy_lox]

Feel really sorry for your situation, cant really add anymore advice than what has already been said. Hope you find the strength you need and do what makes you happy. You deserve so much better than how you are being treated. Sending you lots of hope and happiness x x x x x x x x x x xx

 

[Tealight]

What you should do is concentrate on yourself and not him now, don't give up on yourself because this guy is emotionally torturing you, tbh it sounds like he's the one with the issue's.

You don't need or deserve to be treated this way, nobody does, i'd of kicked his ass to the curb after the first "fat" remark for disrespecting me.

As someone said earlier get yourself away for a bit, make a plan for your weight loss, do this for you hun.

Loads of support here, please don't give up and be strong x

 

[kingleds]

I believe you need to find the nearest curb, and kick him as hard as you can against it.......repeatedly if necessary.......whilst repeating mantra like
'I am better than you, you are a snivelling, horrible little man, who feels the need to emotionally abuse someone he is supposed to love in order to make himself feel better'

Or words to that effect.

NEVER let anyone treat you this way.

 

[LisaC]

I'm really sorry to hear about this I actually gasped when I read what your husband said comparing you to Adele, shocking talk. I actually feel very strongly about the word "fat", I can't stand it. I don't consider Adele fat, yes she may be classed as "overweight" but nowadays "fat" is used to offend. But that's just me.

I'm not married so I can't offer advice from experience, I would only suggest that you tell him you need to talk about it & be more firm, that it is essential for your relationship that you talk about the way he treats you.

If he's lost 3.5st in the past it sounds like he was once overweight yet here you are trying to lose weight yourself & he can't support you in the slightest. I hope you're able to get him to sit down & really sort things out. Hug.

In the meantime, you'll get plenty of support on here oxo

 

[LisaC]

I believe you need to find the nearest curb, and kick him as hard as you can against it.......repeatedly if necessary.......whilst repeating mantra like
'I am better than you, you are a snivelling, horrible little man, who feels the need to emotionally abuse someone he is supposed to love in order to make himself feel better'

Or words to that effect.

NEVER let anyone treat you this way.

*Like* *Like* *Like* *Like* *Like*

 

[Hayley3012]

If your husband is jealous of you trying to better yourself by doing something positive for yourself and has to perv on woman over the internet this can only mean one thing......
.... he lost weight and realised hes still ugly and is scared you'll ditch him when you feel confident.

I think maybe you already know what you need to do and maybe your looking for a way for people to confirm to you its the right decision. Good luck whatever you decide but make sure you decide whats best for you regarding him, with regard to the diet just go for it and be happy. You'll find the support you need on here until you feel strong enough to do it alone x

 

[Rorah]

So sorry you've had such an awful time of it. Your husband is verbally abusing you, and intentionally hurting your feelings and lowering your self-esteem. This is not what he married you for, and I imagine certainly not what you married him for. I have not been married but in my experience, a partner is there to boost you, to make you feel good about yourself and to make you feel worthy.

I don't know why a person would behave in his way; perhaps he would like to end the relationship but is too cowardly to do so himself; perhaps is makes him feel better about himself that he feels better than you.

Please don't let him do this to you any more. In my humble opinion you need to talk, and if he doesn't rapidly see the error of his ways, the only thing left to do is to calmly and politely show him the door. The ******* isn't worth your anger or your tears.

 

[ermintrude]

perhaps is makes him feel better about himself that he feels better than you.

This is exactly what it seems like to me. He has issues with his own life and now he's lost weight he has someone else to oppress and see as inferior to himself, having felt the oppression himself all his life.

 

[sparklesazzy]

Please consider leaving hun. I went through an emotionally abusive relationship...never again. He made me feel so worthless, I put on so much weight through comfort eating and I think he liked it that way because he thought no one else would want me.

Luckily I met my current partner whilst I was bigger than I am now and he helped me to leave, and he loves me for who I am, and is so supportive of me losing weight now for ME not for him.

You deserve someone who loves you through everything, not to be someones doormat

Huge hugs, and be strong, and at least you can lose weight, he is stuck with the horrible nasty attitude grrrr

xxx

 

[choccybuttons]

Hi

It sounds like you def need to talk. Would you consider relate, even if your oh wont go, they are great for just sorting your head out and seeing your relationship a bit clearer.

His comments are cruel but you need to let him know. My oh used to 'joke' about my weight until I told him he was really upsetting me.

Has your weight changed? I had a friend who gained about 2/3 stone and her bf was giving her the same comments as your oh and holding back in the bedroom - though they didnt have an issue spending time with each other. They had a very frank chat- she pushed him and he finally admitted (after several hours) that her weight gain was putting him off in the bedroom department and that in herself she wasn't the confident bedroom partner she had been pre-weight gain. So my first reaction was to say he is an ass which he is but she looked upon it as something they could work on. She didn't loose any weight but started doing things that made her feel good about herself - nice undies for the bedroom, getting nails done etc so she could feel she looked good no matter what her weight.

 

[Caburygurl]

If your husband is jealous of you trying to better yourself by doing something positive for yourself and has to perv on woman over the internet this can only mean one thing......
.... he lost weight and realised hes still ugly and is scared you'll ditch him when you feel confident.

I think maybe you already know what you need to do and maybe your looking for a way for people to confirm to you its the right decision. Good luck whatever you decide but make sure you decide whats best for you regarding him, with regard to the diet just go for it and be happy. You'll find the support you need on here until you feel strong enough to do it alone x

Totally agree with you 100% hun

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Zoesastar]

I say get yourself totally on track, concentrate on losing the weight u need to lose and then start doing to him what hes doing to u, see how he likes it!!

Dont let a man get you down, he'll soon see what hes missing!

Girl power all the way!

 

[Shirleen]

Firstly hunny you are far too good for this worm.
Secondly every time you ask HIM what he wants, you are giving him the power and the permission to continue treating you this way.

Please if you do nothing else respect yourself enough to put an end to this. Tell HIM he's being unreasonable and that you need distance and pick up your skirts and go!
If he still loves you then he needs to clean up his act, I'm guessing that once away from him you will realise you don't need him.

I'll spell this out to you, this man is abusive! YOU are an abused wife.

If you aren't sure read this. Refuge can help you get out too.

I don't advocate marriages breaking up but you need space. No matter how good a swimmer you are you will drown if someone keeps their foot on your head!