A lonely time....

[cheeselover]

All good advice , what I would add having been in 2 abusive relationships , one a 23 year marriage and 1 a 3 year relationship is that it's so hard to see that you are being abused whilst your experiencing it , I put up with so much , when your self esteem is continually eaten away , it's hard to see the wood for the trees!
I am now in my first real proper relationship , based in mutual love , respect and support and it's opened my eyes to how wrong the other relationships were !

Only you will know when & if it's time to change things & move forward , no one has your perspective and you will know when the time is right .
Treat yourself as your very best friend , what would you say to her ? What advice would you give her ? Have you considered what YOUR hopes and dreams are for the future ? Have you thought about where you want to be and who you want to be ?
Don't let another person spoil who you can be and where you can go with your life !

You will do the right thing at the right time for you and when you do life will be better .
I did & so can you !
Be strong , one step at a time xxx

 

[kagome75]

hun, I'm so sorry about your situation. You certainly don't deserve this and you must *NOT* put up with it. You say you've got no family close. Do you work or are you a housewife? If you don't work, just pack your stuff, leave him a note and go back to your mum. Write in the note how you feel and leave him the door open in case he reads the letter, feels like the little, ugly sh*t he is and decides to get you back, but if he doesn't, then start having a conversation with a solicitor for getting divorced. As far as I understand there's no kids involved so it won't drag too much. As someone else said, don't beat a dead horse. You can try to push it to see if it is still alive, but if it is definitely dead, then just leave it and keep walking. You will find another one and be happy again, and be around your mum and dad could help you, a bit of fresh air could help you as well.

A hug and a kiss, chin up! DO NOT LEAVE THE PLAN!!!! One day he will cross your way and will slap his face until he bleeds for having left such a wonderful woman. he doesn't deserve you.

xx

 

[PatchworkPuss]

Someone, I think Eleanor Roosevelt, said "No-one can put you down unless you let them". What would you say to a friend if she told you what you have just told us? Probably much the same as previous posters have said. So why do you think you deserve to be treated like this.

 

[louise1979]

about 5 years ago a good friend of mine then a size 18 decided to do slimming world, she found it hard due to the fact she had no support from her husband she ended up having more down days than up days but kept on going with the weight loss. the more negative comments she got from her hubby the more determined she was ,,,,, she ended up been a size 10 , more confident, more loving life but hubby wa just the same ,sniding at her constantly, in the end she decided that she had changed her life for the better and the only bit of dead weight in her life was him, so off he went to work she packed his stuff and when he came in from work and said the usual comment of whats for tea she said whatever u choose and kicked him out-may i add she has never been happier

 

[*EB*]

Excellent advise already - and here is more of the same.

He is a horrid bully, messing with you emotionally to make you feel powerless to his nasty comments, putting you down so you dont feel worthy of standing up for yourself.

If you are checking on his online activity, the trust is gone/going already in your relationship - and you are finding stuff that shows he has a potential wandering eye too. But i am sure you know that, or you wouldnt have been checking up on him?? I know in previous relationships when i got to the 'spy' stage, i sort of knew i was going to find some dirt. And i did!

Kick him out. A woman deserves respect and he is clearly not giving you an ounze.

You are worth so much more than this low life, and i think you need to have some good quality YOU time....i hope you can find the strength to leave this man and move on with your life.

((hugs))

 

[hellcats]

No more advice to give you as the rest of the gang have given you, but here's a hug.:bighug::bighug::bighug:

 

[Muis]

Big hug. Loose weight for yourself and do what makes you happy.

 

[vivahate]

How awful for you. You need to know that you have a big friendly community on here ready to offer you advice and support.

Your husband sounds like a spiteful bitter bully. I know a marriage is different to just being in a relationship but if I were in you shoes, I couldn't stay with a man like that. If he can't support you through a weight loss journey, what about something more serious...? He seems to be devoid of empathy, especially as he obviously was unhappy himself being overweight and took steps to change that.

If I were you I would keep my head down, distance myself from him emotionally and be damn selfish! Make mini targets and reward yourself for hitting every one of them. Don't cook his tea for him, don't do his washing, don't do anything for him. You are stronger than you know, the fact you could come on here and tell strangers about your experience is very admirable. Today is the first day of the rest of your life...

 

[little_mynx]

Just wanted to thank everyone who has posted a reply.

I have a lot to consider and have been since my initial post.

All of your advice has been helpful.

I have continued on the plan despite the negativity received from my husband, and I have lost 1lb this week, making 6lb so far.

Thank you all so much once again - you advice has given me the much needed boost!

 

[stivesliz]

Reading this post has made me feel very sad for you but you have taken the first step to acknowledging a problem and hopefully doing something about it.

I have dieted for years and years and now at 44 I am in control. The fact that you have taken positive steps to get healthy is good, but remember in all this that you are doing it for YOU .

being slim probably wont wave a magic wand over your marriage but it WILL give you more confidence and more self worth which counts for more than anything. You seem like a lovely person that needs friends and support and I truly hope that you can focus on the future and all the positive things that can happen to you.

Sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way xxxxxx

 

[LovelyLisa2012]

I have read your post but havnt read any replies yet so sorry if this has already been said.

There is nothing worse than feelings of rejection and loneliness it's almost like a kind of grieving. Having been in a similar situation i hope you dont mind me being honest.

From what you have said you sound so down and unhappy and the way he is treating you is UNACCEPTABLE. Don't let him shy away, take control of the conversation and tell him you refuse to be spoken to like that by anyone. You need to decide whether you can live your life like this as most people wont or dont change. Speak to him and tell him how you feel and take it from there.

Good luck and all the best xxx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[KimberleyMikado]

Well done on your 6lbs weight loss first of all:happy096:.....Second of all i was horrified when i read your post..... Weight itself can have an awful affect on your mental state as it is without someone who is supposed to love you saying and doing things like that hun!!!!! the only thing i can say is that as you lose the weight the more your self esteem will grow n you WILL realise you are worth more than that..... you lose your identity when you have weight on and problems become a very heavy burden with no solution but as you lose weight the load will lighten and ur head will become clearer n you will realise you dont deserve to be treated like that...Jus keep up the good work and do this for yourself....