A moment of revelation!

[chicken on a mission]

More and more people are telling me that I can't have much more weight to lose. I notice this because it annoys me! I want to end up at between 10st and 10st 7lbs which means I still have about 3 stone to go and I get disbelief when I tell people this.

The people that show disbelief don’t have any ulterior motives for keeping me fatter which I know can be a possibility when you lose lots of weight. I think they say this because I don’t seem to have a lot to lose on the top half of my body and of course that is the bit that people notice. They can’t see the state of my legs and tummy because not only am I wearing clothes but the clothes I am wearing are chosen to make the most of what I do have and play down the bits that still need a bit of help so that I appear in proportion.

Now to the nitty gritty of this. Why on earth should being told I don’t have much more to lose annoy me so much?

It should be a compliment as I know it is coming from genuine good feelings and intentions. I have been thinking about this overnight and believe I have the answer.

I have a history of self sabotage and making do so I don’t run the risk of failing. With my weight loss I am determined not to compromise which means that perversely I have to focus on how far I have to go rather than how far I have come. If I have people telling me I don’t have far to go then not only does this put thoughts of finishing earlier than intended and moving my goal in my mind but it also reminds me that I am getting to the stage in this journey where traditionally I have always given up because it is towards the end and if I give up now I don’t ever run the risk of failing because my best wasn’t good enough.

Doing the thought records on LL is definitely useful to me because before I would have just been irritated and reacted aggressively because I would assume that the problem is with the other person. Now I know that the problem actually lies with me!

I am now free to respond in an appropriate manner to such comments rather than an inappropriate which only would have confused, upset and angered the other party. Doing LL has changed my life and the way I interact with others. I am gaining confidence everyday and improving as a person and there is no way I would ever have got as far as I have without it.

I always thought I was quite a sensitive person to others but I really wasn’t quite getting the plot because I didn’t understand how my own slant on things affected my ability to understand. I am open to that probability now which can only help in the future

 

[Russiandoll]

A fabulous post Chicken & very thought provoking.

I've also had people telling me that I've 'done enough' and should stop now before I 'go too far' but with over 4st to go and with a BMI of 37 I am FAR from finished!

I think it's because I've been obese for so long that my shape defined who I was - not only in my mind but in the minds of those around me. All my life I've been indoctrinated with the idea that my dad's side of the family are all big and, as I'm so much like my dad, I have 'the genes'. Therefore becoming fat was inevitable - it was my destiny.

So in self-fulfilling prophesy style, I shrugged my shoulders in acceptance when my weight piled on and on. It was 'inevitable' after all - you can't fight 'the genes' can you?

So now, by far the biggest fight I have on my hands is the one in my own mind where I have to re-assign my mental image of myself. I have to rid myself of this idea that, no matter what I do, I will inevitably end up a fat person. I have to beat idea that I'm somehow a helpless victim of my genes. Being on CD is giving me the break I needed to be able to take an unclouded look at these issues.

It's an ongoing process and one that, I feel, will take longer than the physical process of losing the weight.

A very interesting point and one worth thinking about! Thanks Chicken!

Debbie x

 

[Gen]

hiya chicken & debbie

both very interesting posts and thought provoking!!

i too have had people say that i couldn't have much more to lose or if i tell them i have to lose another 3 stone they nearly choke, i find it quite funny but its where i want to be and sod what everyone else thinks!!

getting the right frame of mind when the food starts again is going to be a very interesting time... still have a chatterbox in there which i'm controlling 95% of the time at the moment but time will tell how introducing food will change that!!

thanks for that post, its quite interesting cos its something i have been thinking over the past day or two too!!

Gen xx

 

[lardass]

Here here, and why is it when you tell people you have gained weight they look at you disbelievingly and say things like ' you dont look like you have' when it must be perfectly obvious as this time i was wearing my nice size 12 jeans etc and now i am wearing the only 2 pairs of size 16 trousers i own and i can see the difference.

 

[vj]

I really relate to this, it can be people like workmates or close family that make these comments. I believe it's because they see you most days and honestly don't notice the change. I know when a colleague told me she'd put on 1 stone in a couple of months and blaming it on biscuits/cakes in staffroom, I hadn't noticed any change at all. Having lost 1& a half stone and dropping a dress size in 7 weeks, colleagues have noticed and complimented but have not asked nor have I volunteered the information as to how much more I want to lose.
Also, I think my hardest part will be maintaining knowing a close eye will be kept on me by helpful colleagues. Should be my motivation though.

 

[Karen1972]

Hmmmm yes a very interesting post chicken!!

I used to get the same comments when i had about 2 stone left to lose - even guys at work would say to me that men liked curvy women and that skinny women were not attractive! and to quit the diet now! I loved the compliments and felt great but i remained strong and focussed and got to the weight i wanted to be. A couple of family members told me i looked anorexic when i was at goal weight (9 stone 11 and 23.8 BMI) which was totally pathetic!!

I think that people get so used to seeing you fat that they think that is always how you should look, the change in a persons appearance is so drastic when losing weight that it takes people a while to get used to it!

When i told people i wanted to be a size 10 (i was a 20/22) they told me not to be ridiculous as i was big boned and would never be tiny! The result after losing 6.5 stone is that i actually have very small shoulders and arms and waist and that actually i am not big boned at all!! And yes i got into a size 10!!

So i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here but we know our bodes better than anyone else so listen to yourself over outsiders, stay focussed - if you don't like yourself when you get to target then it's easy to put a few pounds back on. I got to 9stone 7lbs and felt too thin (collar bone stuck out too much) but i like to be around 9stone 10/11lbs.

I'll quite rambling now hehe

Love

 

[KD]

The revelation for me was when after lots of people telling me to stop losing...I was fine now...someone blurting out "but if you lose much more, you'll be slim!"

It was said in horror!

Guess people imagine us losing weight to become smaller overweight people, not slim people. I suppose, that is what so many people do. It's not so common to find very overweight people get into the healthy range. Others find it hard to get their heads around it.