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A note to ourselves.

this months red magazine features a page of letters, written by ladies, to thier teenage selves, now that they have grown up and have the wisdom to see the error in thier previous ways.
Anyways, although its not quite the same, it got me thinking about how much we (or even maybe just me?) rely on others to tell them how great thier weight losses are, and how fantastic they look, how nice your hair may look today, or how fashionable that new piece of clothing you would have never wore before looks on you. Its as if it validates what we were already hoping was the truth, and i thought to myself. the most valuable compliment, is one to myself. Because it must be the truth, it must be more heartfelt and full of emotion because its from yourself. A Nice thing, said to yourself. That you feel is the truth.

often i look at myself and think i could still loose a few pounds.. even though in my heart i hope that i look great as i am, and its not just me 'settleing' rather than pushing for more of a weight loss, and i seek the validation of my other half to constantly re-assure me that i do not.

2 weeks ago, my best friend told me out of the kindness of her heart, and for my best interests only, that her Oh had said ( not in a horrible way) but that if i were to lose anymore weight, i would no longer be womanly. Now, you could read into this and get offended, but i knew (in bloke language) that he was concerned i'd lose all my extra curves, and to him, no longer pocess what he sees as making me womanly.

and do you know what, i agree! - and god, all i wanted was for someone to say it. . not just 'you look great as you are' or 'but you don't need to lose anymore'

So. I thought as a nice thing for ourseves. We should all, say out loud, to ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. Recognise our achievments, and maybe identify our weaknesses, but we should validate our own thoughts, feelings, opinions.. about ourselves.

Am i just rambeling or do i make any sence?

i have just looked at some photos taken over the last 6 months which at the time i thought i didnt look 100% as great as i wanted to, but now looking at them, i think how great i look.. and now, ahlf a stone maybe even more lighter now that im at target, i feel like i must look even better.

so heres my message to me.

To Fern.
Being happy is not being in control. Being happy is love. love for yourself. Love for those around you. Love for the life you are in, and being happy about the love that is given by friends and family. When you are happy, your body is happy. you feel good, you feel healthy. you feel lighter. feeling lighter makes you relaxed, and thus ridding the stress that makes you unhappy. You are happy now, and you do not need to lose anymore, just incase someone else thinks you need to but is too afraid to say.
You are happy.
remember that.

Lots of love, fern xx
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what a really lovely post!!! Has got me thinking :)
You make perfect sense, and your post is very thought-provoking.

here is mine...

Dear J,

Do not be afraid to talk to new people, they probably dont really think you are "too fat to talk to". Dont avoid old family reunions because you dont want family you havent seen for ages to judge your weight gain. Dont rely on other peoples opinions to validate yourself. Remember that you are losing weight for YOU and not for ayone else.

Love always, J xx


Better drink that water!
Thanks Fern.

Dear L,

Dont be upset when things are not perfect. Look at how good they are! Anything short of perfect isnt bad, its still amazing! Your weight loss, your parenting, your housework. Everything you are doing is you putting your all into it. So be proud of yourself and take one day at a time - remember, it doesnt matter if its not perfect, the little things you miss make it yours. :) So enjoy your time and the things you do. (re weightloss - take time to slow down and enjoy your meals - maybe not crave sweet/extras cos I'll be appreciating the things I am eating that are good for me)

Just enjoy life.

Hope noone laughs at me for that. It jsut came out as I typed. Sad thing is, I really needed to hear it. I understand Fern what you mean about needing it from someone else.
Well done mrsdetermined and jerricebenton for joining in. Doesnt it feel healthy? No matter how sad, or enlightening, or even suprising even to ourselves it may sound..


I feel so much better.



Staff member
Very good post Fern and yes you make a lot of sense!:thankyou:

This is a lovely thread and some lovely thoughts and advice on it...I find it very emotional reading it:cry:

Love Mini xxx
Great one Fern!!

I think I'd say...

Dear H,
Be confident! Your insecurities are holding you back. Don't be afraid to talk to people your own age; you aren't inferior to them, and to be honest, those 'popular' girls who ignore you will probably end up with crap jobs, crap relationships and 5 stone heavier after they have 3 kids! Don't be scared of boys! Don't bottle up your feelings - share them.
You are developing a curvacious, womanly figure that you should be proud of. You have talents you should be proud of. You have a brain you should be proud of. You have a loving family you should be proud of.

Be proud. Don't be guilty, insecure, shy and self depreciating. Be proud of yourself.

Love, You x

PS: You aren't good on vodka, don't spend so much money on your credit card and be more tidy!
what a fabulous thread.

Dear Teresa,
Always be greatful for who you are and what you do have instead of wishing you were something different.

Always take time to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others. In fact sometimes take a little extra time for yourself.

Don't be afraid to try new things, you might not always love it but you will be glad you had the courage to try it.

Enjoy food don't waste time feeling guilty and punishing yourself for what you should or shouldn't of eaten, stop and taste it!

Never forget how good running makes you feel and take care of your body so you can continue to run until your winning age group awards becuase your the only person still running in your group !


PS: You aren't good on vodka, don't spend so much money on your credit card and be more tidy!
:D Love this

I have been thinking of this topic recently having heard of the book out "letter to my 16 year old self". I so wish all the things I would say to myself, someone had said to me, but knowing me, I wouldn't have listened!!

I'll post on this thread when I have had a think.......great thread :)

What fabulous replies. Im so pleased!
After writing this yesterday i really felt a change. Iv been really low recently and really needed to take a step back, and tell myself all the things i needed to here. Because i needed to know if all the descions in my life were the right ones for me, but only i can say that! lol.

feel free to keep posting your inner thoughts. maybe this could be your 'try a new thing' .. opening up.

i hope this thread helps you all the way it has done me. I feel so much better!

Great post Fern!

Dear Claire
Try and remember that being alive is an amazing experience- try not to confuse issues by stressing constantly about things that really don't matter- learn to live and truly enjoy the wonderful things that you have:
You can see, hear and taste, your limbs work, you live in a part of the world that has an abundance of food, life and opportunity, you are married to a wonderful man and have a family that may be insane, but love you unconditionally. You are intelligent and have a difficult job that you are incredibly good at. You make people happy when you are in their company because you are a caring, loving person.
You look great- and if you remember to always carry yourself with confidence, other people will see that too.
Always remember that 99.9% of bad behaviour towards you from other people is caused by their own insecurities- don't let their problems have an impact on how you feel about yourself



(wow- feel quite emotional now)

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