A Taste Of Honey

Morning Honey! Still going well then obviously! It is so true that the longer you are on a plan then the more normal and part of the daily routine it becomes. I also find that my stomach has shrunk and I can no longer eat the amounts that I used to. Carry on-you are doing so well.x
 
So, here we are just as the clocks are about to go back, and I am feeling on top of this goal, and definitely hoping to see a loss on Sunday.

One thing that struck me yesterday - I was reading weigh loss blogs, and a lot of people (especially Americans) post their food for the day. There is a HUGE reliance on 'diet' food, and zero fruit/vegetables in their diet. Is that a cultural thing? They are low calorie, low carb, but they just don't look healthy to me.

What I love about Slimming World is their one 'rule' that one-third of your plate has to be 'free food', i.e. vegetables and fruit. It's completely changed the way that I eat, and I think that this is an absolutely fundamental change to the way I have approached food, and why this diet works so well for me. I now have a real taste for vegetables, and when I go away, even if I eat healthily, I so miss the plate of fresh vegetables that i have with meals. It seems odd to not have my intake of fruit and vegetables each day, and I do feel healthier than I ever have done in my entire life.
 
Not been too good about updating this diary, but I've been plodding along losing weight and feeling good. I had a great Christmas Day present of losing 3 lbs, and reaching my target for 2011 (to get to 237 in 2011).

Anyway, here I am on 27 December and after two days of over indulging, am sick of chocolate and mince pies. I've been walking twice a day at least no matter what. Today I'm back on the straight and narrow, and am going to stick to healthy eating for the remainder of the week, and then indulge next weekend. Seems okay to me, and to be honest, by yesterday evening I was sick of 'treats' - two days in, and it was a chore to over eat, I honestly did not enjoy it. Bit surprised by that, to be honest. I thought I'd relish every chocolatey second of it. But there you go, my two days of indulgence was quite nice, but I missed having porridge for breakfast, and lots of fruit and veg. Kind of reassuring in a way!
 
Good morning, good result, good weigh-in. I thought it was going to be a STS, so I feel really good about this. I didn’t really make healthy choices until Wednesday, which was why I thought it wouldn’t be a great weigh-in. But there you go. So yeah, am super pleased about this. It gets rid of last week’s gain (2 lbs) and loses an extra .5 lbs.

And in old money, that means that I have now lost 8 stones 4 1/2 lbs. That’s an incredible amount of weight to have lost, isn’t it? I feel a bit jaw dropped at times.

I was also thinking about this. Over the last 76 weeks, without fail, I have weighed in honestly every single Sunday. Through holidays, new year, christmas, birthdays, tears and all that. I kind of think this might be key. I think that’s a key to losing weight. To be accountable. So I own up to putting on 2 lbs last week, and this week I am able to say that that gain has gone and more. Maybe that’s it.

I also realised something else – over the last 76 weeks, I have never put weight on more than one week in a row, and never put on more than 2 or 3 lbs (I think). My weight loss has been comparatively slow, a pound or two a week, but it’s been very consistent and very steady. Establishing rock solid habits has been core to me. All the different things that I do go towards forming a tight mesh of habits, so if one unravels, the other changes will hold.

I have always been very very very cautious about weight loss. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can get to goal and then maintain. It’s hard and the results are awful generally. But I am realising that 18 months later, I am now in quite a rare category already. I have steadily and consistently lost weight, without surgery, and I am sticking at it regardless. I don’t take holidays or christmas off to stuff my face, although I do have days when I choose poorly with regard to food. But I am sticking at it. I am not full of pronouncements that this is it, I will do this, failure is not an option. I am realistic that this might well fail, which is why I am consistently vigilant.

I also don’t care about other people’s opinions. My weight loss is so precious to me, so life and death, that I don’t care about social protocol. I take salads and fruit with me, I refuse to eat office food at ‘dos’, I don’t drink booze. I have realised (about month 10) that I am not conforming to social norms just to make others comfortable (oh go on, have a cake with us). And no one actually cares that much, so that’s a big discovery.

Pleased about this week’s result. I want to see myself lose a pound and a half next week, get to 118 lbs lost!
 
Great post Honey. I think you have such a realistic and honest attitude to this that you are correct - you are not in that group of people who start to lose weight and then get bored after a while and start to regain it. You could still be in that group if you weren't here and/or doing what you're doing and keeping it up but you aren't. I have noticed that there are lots of people here who have lost 1.5, 2, 3 stone, less who have lost 4,5 stone but far fewer 6 stone and above. Now clearly that's because there are lots of people who don't have anywhere near that amount to lose, but equally there are plenty of others who do, but 'can't' (or maybe aren't ready yet). You have and should be very very proud. You still have a journey ahead of you but long may it last. Well done :)

Gail x

Sent from my iPhone
 
Losing weight meant that when I interviewed, I knew I looked nice. I had great outfits, I felt smart and pulled together, I did not feel that my weight was the first thing that people saw about me. I felt - smart. I felt confident. I felt good.

Losing weight means that I feel less apologetic physically. I feel great about getting public transport. I don't worry about stairs. I just get on with it.

Losing weight means that I don't feel ashamed of my body any more. That's nice. Hard to express though.

Losing weight has made me narcissistic - I find photos and reflections endlessly fascinating. Who am I? I can see beauty in the curve of my cheek sometimes, but then criticism of a wrinkle or a droop. But I am comparatively objective because I've changed.

Losing weight has made me panic about regaining weight. I can't, I just CANNOT, face the thought of regaining it ever again.
 
Hi Honey,

Great to see that you continue to make progress despite the fact that you've been doing this for more than 18 months now. That is fabulous. A great achievement that you should be really proud of. I understand your concern about going back to where you came - as much as I love the way that I feel now, my overwhelming motivation to continue this journey is the fear of going back rather than the joy of going forward (although that obviously plays a part too).

Sorry I haven't been on Sunday weighers for a while - everything went pear shaped (life in general rather than just weight/food) in Jan and I went into self preservation mode :(. Bit better now, just trying to make some slow inroads into the moderate sized gain. Still nearly 5 stone lighter than when I started and feel as though I have the tools to potentially maintain that in the longer term. Fingers crossed !!!

Hope you have a good week.

Gail x

Sent from my iPhone
 
Hey Gail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice to 'see' you - where have you been????! We miss you! Hope things aren't still too bad, I know life can get overwhelming sometimes, be nice to yourself, okay!

I want to overeat because I am on holiday. It's strange, and I definitely am fighting this urge. Because I've had an unhealthy two weeks and gained 5 lbs, and because I don't want to associate holidays with putting on weight. It's okay, I am picking on fruit and cups of tea, but I really want to explore and be okay with NOT using holidays as an excuse to go 'off plan'. Because that's not how it works. I eat healthy and live healthy all the time, and occasional blips are okay, but not planned to eat like a pig.

I want shopping this morning, and bought loads of lovely clothes from charity shops. I swear it's the biggest motivation and kick for me, to dress my changing body. I absolutely love it.

Also, must remember this, that it's TOTM time, and that might explain why I struggled so hard yesterday and a little today - I always crave chocolate at this time, and forget that's what's going on.

Anyway, am definitely going to get back into a daily (if not more) write up of how I'm doing on the weight loss front, it's important to me to stay accountable!!
 
The relief when it gets easier.

It's just amazing. When I'm not struggling with losing weight, but feel energised and super happy. Partly because it's now my period so less hormonal. But gotta remember that it does get easier, it's not all struggle and hunger.
 
I’m being tough on myself this week, because I want to see a good solid loss on Sunday. Remember, this is the most important goal for me – I want to lose weight more than anything. I want to get get to my goal weight, I want to maintain that weight loss, and this takes effort.

So, this week what am I going to do differently?

- track everything I eat no matter what
- stick to my meal plan
- walk as much as I can
- be strict and keep my eye on the goal

I want this. Yes, jobs are stressful, things change. But in twenty years time, I will passionately want to have been successful in losing and keeping this weight off, and having any necessary surgery. I WANT THIS. The job will be stressful and tough, but it’s for two years. Weight loss has made my life so sweet, and made things possible.

I AM GOING TO DO THIS.
 
Not directly, but talking about my life with someone. I realised this - although my job can stress me out and seem super important, at the end of the day I probably will have moved on in five years time absolute max. On the other hand, my weight loss goal will be with me for life. It IS my most important goal. Putting on the 120 lbs I've lost makes me feel sick and unhappy, that would affect the quality of my life a million times more than work would. It was good to get a crystal clear understanding that weight loss was the most important goal, and to not get suckered in to the daily grind. Yes of course work is important. But it's a means to an end. I want to get to my goal weight and stay there. It's so vital to me, the me in twenty, thirty years time would weep bitter tears if I let this slip through my fingers.


It's good for me to say this aloud, to be absolutely clear about it.
 
I want to remember to read these entries when I struggle – maybe I should cut and paste them into a wee booklet? I just find it so joyous when a week suddenly gets easier. I’m into a weight loss groove this week, it’s not hard. Last week, every moment was a struggle just about. This week, absolutely fine. I think it’s about how I feel, but it’s also hormonal.Today I’ve had light healthy food, and not been remotely tempted by anything. I love fruit, I’ve had a tuna salad for lunch and a prawn stir fry for tea, and I’m ready for a good night’s sleep. I love it when it’s easy. I also love the taste of fresh vegetables and fruit – absolutely delicious.I want weight loss more than anything. 120 lbs in, twenty months in, it feels good to be on track and plodding forwards. I want this so much, so badly.
 
I am a bit deflated by Sunday's result, but nonetheless I feel good about myself. I had a day of absolutely spot on eating (I'm in the zone for sure, have been for the last four weeks), and I walked to and from work, so 12,303 steps and 99 minutes of continuous walking. I feel like I'm giving this absolutely everything, even though the scales aren't quite reflecting my progress.


Also: huge box of chocolates at work which were tempting. BUT - I didn't want to cheat myself and have one because I realised that having one would lead to a day long struggle with a sharp desire/craving for more sugar. It's just easier if I don't open that door. It's interesting that I am definitely learning that. More often than not, I choose not to go there. Just a live and learn kind of experience.
 
Good day yesterday, and I ate very well. I also walked all the way to work and home, so that was really pushing myself. I feel good about myself. I did see myself sideways in a VC, which was much less than flattering, sigh. But generally I felt that I was sticking to it.I want fast results, which is strange given that this is Week 92 of my weight loss. But I am sticking closer to the plan than I ever have before, so I’d like to see some more big losses, and also make up for Sunday’s gain. I also have a big date next week, so I’d like to look my best.I did have three Thornton’s chocolates yesterday, which was disappointing. Nonetheless it did not lead to a binge, and I was still way under my points for the day, so I’m trying to take that in my stride.Another busy day today of meetings etc. But again, I want to remember that weight loss remains my most important goal.
 
I’ve got a difficult week this week, and here I am at 6 am on Monday morning telling myself that weight loss is my most important goal. It’s not just the top goal, it’s ahead by a million miles. I will not lose ground, I will not cede any of these 123.5 lbs this week, I will get to 125 lbs lost by Sunday. I know that in tough times I long for comfort, for takeaways and for ease. But here I am in the still morning on the first day of the week telling myself quite clearly: I want to sustain and increase my weight loss more than anything.I can do this, I know I can do this. I have 92 weeks of doing this behind me. I’m coming up to two years of consistently losing weight, I know this is possible, but it takes vigilance. I have my food plan, I have my exercise plan, dammit, I have a plan!!! When I write up about how the day went today, I want a nice easy day of light eating:- porridge
- baked potato and salad
- prawn stir fry and salad
I’m going to feel healthy, terrific and positive. So there!!! But remember that my number one focus is weight loss.I know this sounds extreme, but I visualise myself at 60. If I have regained all that weight, it makes me almost cry at the thought. It’s the one unbearable outcome, and the opportunity to avoid it is in my hands right here, right now. Future self would tell me without making any bones about it, this is my most important goal.Other things are variable – I work hard, I have lots going on . But the impact of weight loss on my life is unbelievable. It’s immense and all encompassing. I move differently, I behave differently, I am energised and feel capable. My confidence levels are so much higher because of losing more than 8 stones. I feel attractive and beautiful. I feel invisible rather than a target. I feel like I belong on public transport. I feel that I must keep going on this path.So that’s my pep talk for the day. Focus on this goal, keep it to the forefront amid the noise and the work and the anxiety. Eat healthily, take lots of walks, exercise and focus.
 
Sorry, not been around barely at all these days. So much going on with work, home and love. But weight and losing thereof remains my number one priority, so will need to look at this.


Anyway, week 94 - week bloomin' 94!!!! - and I've lost 3.5 lbs. I'm doing so well, and it's because I'm walking my butt off and tracking. It makes a huge difference. I've now lost 128.5 lbs in total, over 9 stones. I've done it slowly and steadily, and although I know the failure rates are sky high for weight loss, I am pleased to have been doing this for nearly two years. I am fairly sure that this is the only way to lose weight:


- find something you can do for the rest of your life and do it
- time is more important than numbers


Other than that, it's intensely personal. I've spent a lot of time this week reading scholarly articles about what makes the difference with weight loss maintenance, and I've adopted them in (or already do them):


- eat breakfast (I always have porridge)
- weigh in regularly (I know weigh in daily - it helps me a lot to chart my losses, and removes the Sunday anxiety; I weigh in once and that's it, it's less angsty)
- exercise daily (I walk EVERYWHERE now, and most days I log about 13 k step - that's a lot, btw. 90 minutes of solid walking)
- don't take time off from dieting (I don't do this so much, although I am more relaxed on Sundays)
- track what you eat (this really works!)
- low fat, low calorie (I follow Slimming World nominally; basically I eat as much fruit/veg as I like, and avoid sugar and processed foods - this has evolved over two years I must say)


I don't drink enough water - I don't like it. I take a daily photograph, and I would say that is my biggest motivation of all. I love clothes and again that is a huge trigger for me.


I also do a lot of visualisation. I think about myself in twenty years' time: running and walking and gorgeous and happy, or morbidly obese again and in a mobility buggy. Guess which one makes me cry? I've written this before, but if my future self could come back and see me Terminator style, I know 100% she would beg me to give everything to getting to my weight loss goal and maintaining it. Regaining this weight would be the worst thing that could happen to me. And I've been through some tough stuff, so I'm not exaggerating. Regaining the 128.5 lbs would be a death sentence.


So, I'm not complacent. This goal is the one I want the most, it's the one that I am clearest about, it's the one where I am aware that it's the most likely to fail. If I want to be one of the tiny number of success stories, it has taken and will take my attention, determination and sheer bloody mindedness. People who have 10lbs to lose (or even a 100 lbs) won't understand how life or death this is to me.


Anyway, great week again. Love seeing such a big loss again, and hopefully next week I'll make it to the 130lbs lost!!
 
Going to start using this journal again - almost a year later, and 150 lbs lighter. I need to track what I eat and make sure that I get to goal.
 
amaaaaaazing well done xx

Thank you so much!!!

Good day today:

Porridge / banana / cinnamon
Coffee
Home made pea/mint soup / salad / ryvita x 1
2 x apples
1 x satsuma
Chicken stir fry: chicken, stir fry sauce, stir fry, salad (no noodles)
Natural low fat yoghurt
2 x glasses of white wine

Went to the gym this morning

Hoping to see the scales come down.
 
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