Addictive Personalities

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Alia, 10 June 2010 Social URL.

  1. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    I've been thinking about myself and how and why I've got myself into the present situation that I'm in.

    I think that I've got an addictive personality as food, sweet things in particular don't seem to be the only thing that I'm obbsessed with.

    When I go food shopping and see offers on things that I eat on the SW I buy loads, I mean loads and never get round to eating it all before they go out of date - things like yoghurts - if they are buy one get one free or 2 for 3 pounds etc I go mad and end up buying like 10 packs of them and getting 10 packs free - I end up throwing half of them away :cry: I have to hide throwing things away from my hubby too cause its one of his pet hates, no food should ever get thrown away!
    My fridges have to be in perfect order, things get lined up and labels all facing the same way - one fridge for food, one fridge for drinks and fruit and veg.

    Clothes - I've got 2 double wardrobes, a triple wardrobe and 5 chest of drawers full of them as well as storage boxes in the office with more. Alot of them still have the tags on. Admittedly I can't fit into all of them so they are a target to get into them but I think I could survive for 6 months with no washing and still have clothes to spare. I hide purchases from my husband cause he'll go mad, not that I'm buying clothes just that I've got so many new ones already why pay out for more - lets face it does one lady really need 34 pairs of jeans (I counted them last night!)

    My little boy, who is 2 has more clothes than I dare admit, its ridiculous, I can't even go into how many and every single one of them comes from Next - I won't even go into any other shop to buy him something - dont know why, yes I love next clothes but its obsessive - I go into next about 3 times a week to see what new things have come in. I keep telling myself to stop and then say I'll only go when the sales are on but I do that and then still go at other times - he's got 11 pairs of shoes in the size he is in now!!

    Shoes - Where to start - under my bed is a sea of shoe storage boxes, most brand new and alot of them are shoes I'll never wear - 3 inch heels and so on which with my back its just not going to happen so why do I keep buying them - I've even got the same shoe in several different colours.

    Handbags - least said the better.

    Housework - I'm obsessed, it has to be perfectly clean, including the kids bedrooms and I go round the house checking all of them every day. I even get up in the middle of the night and go down stairs and clean. I've often gone down around 2am and still been there at 7am when the kids get up for school :sigh: I go through about 9 litres of bleach a week and clean my bathroom every time I go to the loo! I dread the thought of someone turning up at my house and there being a mess. I've got 6 kids so washing and ironing etc is never ending so I wash about 3-4 loads a day and iron every day too. My hubby never really expressed concern until a few days ago when he got up for work and I was on my knees in the kids bathroom cleaning the floor and he said for the first time that cleaning comes before him and how long was it since I'd gone to him for a hug etc.

    I can't go to bed at night without everything being spotless down stairs but I get up in the middle of the night to make sure none of the kids have gone down for a drink etc during the night and left a mess. I can't go out the door unless everything is spotless even if it means my son being late for nursery.

    So I think I just have an addictive personality - I'm wondering if people are just that type and they get obsessed with everything or is it just me and that I'm a nutter lol
     
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  3. evilpenguin

    evilpenguin Not evil at all

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    Woah, come clean my flat?! :D

    Jokes aside it sounds like you have a severe OCD and it seems to be affecting your partner. I would go see a GP for some advice hun.
     
  4. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    It sounds as if you really are struggling there Hun. I think that you do need to speak to someone about this and at least you have identified it.
    I have a friend that suffers with OCD - cleaning in particular. When ever he is stressed it gets really bad and the washing machine can go on even if there is only one item of clothing in it.
    You need to break your habits and you will soon realise that the world will not stop just because you left a cup on the side over night for example.

    Take care

    xxx
     
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  5. soccermom

    soccermom I AM A WEMITT x

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    Blimey Alia you must be shattered are you seriously happy with this situation or do you want to break this pattern.

    If you are not happy I think you need to have a chat with someone and try and get it sorted.

    At least tell your hubby or show him what you have written to us.

    I would hate to think how much you are spending and wasting, I know thats a personal thing but I know how hard things are for us at the moment with our family income being on a basic week due to shortage of work.

    I would hate to think you were getting into debt to cover your spending, never a good thing.

    Take care x
     
  6. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Oh, mate. I really agree with the others and think you should go and chat with your GP. If you read through your post again you must see that this behaviour is very irrational and appears to be taking over your life.

    I really, really think you should just go and chat to the Dr - I don't think your behaviour is addictive- it sounds more compulsive. I am sure this is having an affect on your marriage, your other relationships and not to mention your finances.

    I wish you well and hope you do get some help to try and understand this and tackle it
     
  7. *ruby*

    *ruby* Full Member

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    OMG!! If you came to my house you'd have a breakdown. :eek:

    I agree with what's already been said really. Everyone has their little 'ways' but if this is starting to affect your relationship, maybe it's time to take a step back and look at things closely.

    I think you have acknowledged that you realise you may have a problem by posting that ^^^^, perhaps now it's time to talk to someone.
     
  8. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    :confused: Gosh I dont know what to say - I really thought it might be a trend with people that obsess with food etc that they obsess with other things too. I honestly did n't see there was a problem as you all seem to think it is - My friends do joke that I have OCD but till now I've always just taken it as a joke, the way that they say it, it never really once occurred to me that it might be a real issue. Having thought about it now for about half an hour with my coffee maybe there is a problem. My husband never complains about what I spend but jokingly I said to him a few weeks ago you should take my bank cards away and I'll just use cash from now on - seems now that the way he jumped at that idea and grabbed the cards out of my purse in a joking way that there may have been a more serious undertone to it. He's been giving me cash as I need it, never asked what I spend it on etc but then again he does n't realise that I've found where the cards were and grabbed a few credit cards :eek: which now I've read this are going to be put right back with the other cards :sigh:

    I think the reason I've never seen the cleaning as a sign of OCD is that all I've read about OCD is people become obsessed with certain things in cleaning or routines etc - like washing their hands constantly or cleaning the fridge constantly - I just have to make sure my whole house is tidy all the time. All this time I've just been calling myself 'very house' proud.

    I'm going to have a little think about it and maybe the answer might be to talk to someone about the cleaning side of things, the shopping etc I think I'm going to be able to control myself by telling hubby to hide the cards where I can't find them and then he'll just have to give me cash and I can't do a craft shop if I dont have the money.

    As for my clothes I think I need to have a major sort through and start getting to work on ebay. With my sons clothes its not so much as a problem as I always sell his clothes on ebay once they become to small for him - I've just sold his 12-18 month clothes and made around £1000 so that in its self shows how many clothes he actually does have. Oh the shame, sold my sons clothes and managed to buy a whole set of new bedroom furniture for my bedroom!!

    Thanks for all the advice ladies, its certainly got me thinking.
     
  9. nina

    nina Silver Member

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    welcome back alia!

    ur OCD can be contained....at least your on the road to recovery: step one admittance to self...

    love u <3
     
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  10. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    Well hello you!! Did n't expect to find you here but so happy you are - You know me personally and know how I am so your opinion always counts for so so much.

    Hope your having fun with your little munchkin, need some new pictures of you and her please xxx
     
  11. nina

    nina Silver Member

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    well I was reading ur blog, and it said you returned to MM (yes I do that in my free time on weekends when I get a chnace) -- it helps me feel like I am still just next door to you...so proud of your self growth and road to self realizations...

    I came back to MM 7 weeks ago when I started Atkins...I am more of a lurker...but pick up useful info when its needed...

    Did you get my text back from yesterday? Munchkin in the pool now with daddy and I am setting off to meet them soon...hugs to ALL <3
     
  12. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    (((Alia)))

    Ok, so much information to work with here.

    I am never a fan of people trying to diagnose other people on the internet. I think it is a dangerous game to play, and I would avoid doing so.

    BUT. It is patently obvious that these issues are controlling you, rather than you controlling them. And so I do agree you need help to sort them. And I mean ALL of them, not *just* the cleaning. By getting hubby to hide the cards, you are merely pushing the issue aside, not actually dealing with what is at the bottom of why you are doing it. You are dealing with the symptom, not the cause. You need to find the cause.

    It is perfectly ok to be houseproud. It is great to want to have a home that you can be proud of. However, it is not healthy for that to be your sole focus, or to be checking the same shop several times a week for new clothes for your son, most of which I would hazard a guess, he will never wear before you have to move to the next size.

    Believe me, I KNOW all about obsessive shopping, been there, done that, survived the bankruptcy (Seriously.)

    The quick fix of happiness from buying a new thing, which quickly turns to guilt, and self-destruction. Surrounding yourself with new things might give you temporary fixes of feeling good, but its obscuring the reality, which is that you probably dont need them, and cant really afford them either.

    Take a deep breath, and see your GP. You can sort this out, and you can control it, but you need to explore WHY you find these things so important, and how you can find happiness other than by being pristinely tidy and perfectly dressed.

    Keep us posted, we will be here to support you to do this, if you want to. Because thats the most important thing, that you want to.
     
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  13. Lovely_Laura

    Lovely_Laura Moooooo

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    Hi Alia, I think everyone's been great pointing out the possible problems and I agree to a certain extent but a problem's only a problem if it's a problem if you see what I mean.:p If during the afternoon of thinking about it you agree that the cleaning/shopping is taking over your life then yes you should go for some help. If it's something you're quite happy with and the finance isn't a problem then it's not for us to say you should seek help just from this little picture you've painted.:) My view might seem weird though....I don't know just giving my opinion.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being house proud and doing what you can to keep it clean and tidy, with 6 children I imagine it's a constant battle especially if they're like my two. I think the problem comes only if it's stopping you doing other things you could or should be doing. If your husband would prefer a hug at night to you checking the kitchen then it's probably better to do it. If you find you're knackered in the day because you're up half the night cleaning then it's a problem because we all need our sleep. When I read your post I just couldn't believe how much energy you must have! I struggle even to hoover and have to sit down after to recover! It's obviously kept you fit though so not all bad lol.

    I understand to an extent about the credit cards. At one point I made my husband do exactly the same thing because of the amount of money I was spending bingeing. I hated it though and didn't last long. Luckily the week or so it lasted was enough to make me see I could survive without the rubbish and so once I had the card back I was much better. I think if money isn't a problem it must be very hard to find a boundary.

    Anyway, enough of my rambling. Do what feels right for you. It's easy for others looking in to see problems, I think we all do it with people all the time but you know how you feel so take it from there.:)

    Oh and I'm really not having a go at the rest of the posters, just putting the other side out there too.:)
     
  14. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    There's a thread in off-topic you might be interested in hon, it's about emotional eating - a few of the regular posters in there noticed that they also seem to have 'perfectionist' personalities, as well as being emotional eaters. There might well be a link between the two in that they are both behaviours used to cope with stress.

    Might be worth a read. :)
     
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  15. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    Hey Laura - thanks for taking the time to post that, its always good to see the other side of things too. The financial side of things is not too much of a problem, could be better mainly just because its so wasteful which is why I need to reign that in - half the things that I buy never get worn. This may sound really silly but I sometimes think there is method in my madness. I buy most of my clothes from the SimplyBe/Fashion World websites because my ex husband works for them and I get everything at cost price and they are so ridiculously cheap. I've just bought an Anna Scholz maxi dress thats £80 on the website and I paid £21. In my head I justify my spending by saying I might never get chance to buy things so cheaply again, what if he leaves work, what if we fall out and so on and so on - this is one thing I need to change just because I've got way too many things and despite being on a weight loss programme I'm still buying things in the size I'm in despite the fact that I'll be getting smaller as time goes by.

    I suppose that for the weight and size that I am, I do have alot of energy and I am lucky enough to be quite mobile although I'm never pain free but I try to work through my pain and just get on with it - I know other people my size who are really not mobile at all - I'm ok pottering round the house but I'm not that able to walk for long distances at a time. I can't see me wanting to change how I clean at the moment - I enjoy a spotless house and I have to admit if I know there is something that needs doing I can't relax so I'd rather get it done and then chill out.

    I think for me it needs to be baby steps, so I'm going to work on the spending issues for now - neither me nor my son or any of us for that matter are in need of clothing so I'm going to make a pledge that I will not buy any item of clothing for any one for the next 4 weeks - can't remember a time when I ever went that long .

    The rest of the stuff I dont actually want to change for now and know myself that I would n't be able to do so.
     
  16. xxtannyxx

    xxtannyxx i will be slim

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    Alia hun i agree with laura!

    i am very simlar too u with the whole cleaning thing etc

    i dont see it as a problem everyone is different!

    everytime my boyfriend touches something im 1 step beind him cleaning lol

    in a way i cant explain with this whole overweight thing etc i feel im am obessed with other stuff too...hmmm strange!!!:confused:
     
  17. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    I have OCD and it is hell to go through - I got obessed about something and it nearly destroyed me to the point that my day to day dysfunction was ****ed but not have CBT wich is helping overcome it with Seratine which is effect meds for OCD :)
     
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  19. Lovely_Laura

    Lovely_Laura Moooooo

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    I think you've done really well figuring out what you can do and what you can't at the moment. Maybe in the future you'll learn to relax around a bit of mess or maybe you could just send some of the stress you feel to me, it might get me off my bum!

    I think it's too easy to take too much stuff on and from my experience it can just make other stuff worse. Good luck with the not shopping thing.:)
     
  20. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    Just like me hun, my hoover is out at least 5 times a day and more when the kids are not at school. I'm begining to think that some people really do just have an addictive kind of personality :(
     
  21. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Some people DO have an addictive personality, but an addictive personality is a way of describing someone who is more susceptible to becoming addicted to things than another person. What you seem to be describing lies more along the lines of compulsive behaviour, where you really cannot settle unless things are just so, or you cannot stop going to the shop to check what is in stock, and getting the latest things.

    If your friends are making jokes about it, then possibly this is because they can see it but are frightened to start a serious conversation about it in case they upset you, and they dont want to make it worse.

    As I said in an earlier post, it is perfectly ok to be houseproud, but NEEDING to hoover over 5 times a day is not being houseproud, it is a compulsive behaviour. Your carpets would not thank you for being hoovered so often, nor do they need to be hoovered so often. YOU need to hoover them for your own piece of mind, and that is why people are suggesting this could be a problem for you.

    I do not want to cause you to get upset, and I do not want you to do anything you are not ready to do. The first step IS acknowledging that this is a problem and I think you are not really even ready for that yet either. But the fact that you are asking these questions is great - because it means you ARE beginning to wonder about this and question yourself. If you do come to the conclusion that you need to find out how to change things, then your GP is a great place to start. You can only change this behaviour when you are good and ready to do so, if you ever are. None of us can MAKE you do anything. You are the one in control of your choices. But something you feel makes you uncomfortable being in untidy surroundings, and something you feel makes you want to buy endless clothes.

    To me, and forgive me for being blunt, that suggests that you are very keen to make sure you appear perfect and totally in control over your home and surroundings, to other people. Me, I am a total slob, and I cringe whenever someone calls in unexpectedly because I am often ashamed of how messy my house is, but I have a small house and 2 adults and 3 kids live within it. I often wish I was more houseproud but its an endless cycle of maintaining and I can always find something better to distract me. I am far from perfect and people see that. I also have a very messy head that struggles with depression on an unnervingly regular basis and fears criticism.

    I would love to be seen as perfect, but Im not and I dont have a hope in hell of disguising that fact.

    I hope you take my words kindly, because they are meant with affection and not to hurt you or cause you distress. But perhaps you do need to give yourself a break and then try and work out why it matters so much that you do this to yourself.


    (((hugs)))
     
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  22. salsaqueen

    salsaqueen Full Member

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    OCD isn't just about cleaning. Some people do mental gymnastics such as counting the amount of tiles in a bathroom or slats in a ventian blind and it's coninual and mentally demanding, having to even things up such as touching one wall then having to touch again with other hand. My daughter has to clap twice if someone sneezes and if you try to stop her she'll get hysterical thinking something bad will happen to me. Having to have things in a certain order is common with OCD, as is checking. I think you have to ask yourself if the things you do are from choice or because you have too. x
     
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