Advice needed please

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by maypole, 20 October 2010 Social URL.

  1. maypole

    maypole loves to eat

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    Hi

    A little bit of background. Basically just before my wedding last year mum got cancer. Quickly after that we found out there was nothing they can do & treatment was unlikely to work so mum decided not to have treatment. She has been great & just normal really. They gave her a year & that passed in feb & she is still going strong. Anyway me & hubby had planned to go to Austraila for our honeymoon but decided not to go cos of my mums illness. Anyway as mum was doing so well we decided to book to go for our first aniversary & then the volcano went off so we had to cancel. We have decided to go in Jan 2011 but have yet to book. Mums tumour has grown a little bit & she keeps getting an odd ache or pain. She was taken ill in the lakes when she was on holiday with my nana & I had to go up to the lakes to look after my nana. Overall she is ok & when I tried talking to her about the holiday she said I should go &if she dies while we are away we wouldn't have the funeral till I get back. Typical mum. I sort of feel that I should stay here as my brother lives abroad so not about as such but that is ridiculous as my mum actually lives on the Isle of man & I live in England so would have to fly or get a ferry to get there anyway. Me & hubby had a chat & he says we should go but it is totally up to me. I have family in oz so the first bit would be with family so other than the main flight we could book everything else there. In my head I have already booked as have bought some summer clothes in the sales & keep says we won't be in uk in jan/feb.

    I just can’t decide

    All advice welcome & thank you for reading
     
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  3. shell_y

    shell_y Silver Member

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    I think that as much as you love your mum you cannot put your life on hold. She may well surprise the docs and go on alot longer than expected as its not an exact science. Can you get some sort of insurance just incase something happened real close to holiday?
     
  4. maypole

    maypole loves to eat

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    No no insurance will cover as it is pre exsiting illness but the crazy thing was if she died of say heart attack then we would be covered. It's not really about the money it's more the not being here just in case... but one thing I have learnt is life is too short
     
  5. shell_y

    shell_y Silver Member

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    Yeah but you know, like she said the funeral could be postponed. You need this holiday so just try and enjoy it x
     
  6. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    It's a difficult one and my heart goes out to you.

    Speaking personally, I think if I were in that situation I would opt to have a holiday somewhere a bit closer to home so that on the offchance she does suddenly deteriorate then you can get back quickly.

    I can see why she wants you to go and enjoy yourselves- and why she would suggest it- but if you think the enjoyment would be lost by constantly worrying about her then still have a holiday but a bit closer to home.

    My aunt and her husband were away in Greece when we lost my other uncle (her brother) a few years ago unexpectedly - and they found it unbearable because they were not here and were helpless - they couldn't get back because every single flight was booked up until their own - and they had to just sit it out until they could return.

    While it's not peak season for holidays to Europe in January (which it was for them in the August they went) it is peak summer in Australia in January - so it's something to consider if you do decide to go - and want to make a contingency plan for emergencies.
     
  7. maypole

    maypole loves to eat

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    i have checked & we can change our return ticket with just a small fee. To be honest I swaying to the going but still finding it a little scary :eek:
     
  8. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    You can't put your life on hold 'just in case'. OK so if you do go away somewhere closer to home if the worse does happen & she passes over, it wont make any difference if you are near home or in Oz.

    We will be retiring abroad in a few years, but at the moment, MiL is in ill health, she has parkinsons & other ailments, my mum isn't very well either, just things like high blood pressure, heart probs etc. We have already decided what ever the situation we will still go.

    Personally I'd go you can't live your live on what ifs. A lot can happen between now & Feb. If you really want to go, book the time off work, & make plans but don't book flights or hotels until the last minute.
     
  9. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Ah I missed the bit about you not living close to her when I was reading it, my bad - so she doesnt depend on your for any care or anything - as long as you know you can get your tickets changed you should be fine even if the worst does happen. But as Happy Holidays says - a lot can happen between now and then so do everything short of booking it till nearer the time. :)
     
  10. chris_s

    chris_s Less of a man each day

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    You've had a heart to heart with your mum from the sounds of it and she probably would want you to go. I'd say go. Your mum sounds like she'd be happier if you didn't put your life on hold for her. Should the worst happen, and I hope it doesn't, you can rest assured that your mum would have been happier knowing you had got out there and lived your life. Which is what any proud parent would want :)

    Just my humble opinion.

    In the end you have to choose what feels right to you and not let anyone influence you, just give you info so you can make an informed decision.

    Big hugs and if you go I hope its a bloody good holiday!
     
  11. maypole

    maypole loves to eat

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    I have had a long hard think & I have decided we should go. Thank you for your replies. Off to get the bus to trail finders to book. Just under 12 weeks to go so better crack on shifting the pounds!x
     
  12. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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  13. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi sorry to hear about ur mum i was in a similar situation last year my mum died the end of april and i had a week away the following week i was going to cancel but my brothers and sisters said still to go that the funeral would be held of till i got back so i went and actually had a good holiday despite being upset at losing her spent most of the time reminising so i would say have ur holiday u can't put ur life on hold "in case" anything happens x
     
  14. maypole

    maypole loves to eat

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    Thanks for everyones advice I'm back from trail finders & all booked. Just over 11 weeks to go :happy036:
     
  15. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    i hope u have a great time xx
     
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