Am I being mean??

[Littleslimmingbee]

- my mother hasnt cooked me a meal, cleaned my room or done my washing since i was 13!

and as for asking for money, so you should. We all know running a house isnt cheap, and she might aswell learn now before she lands herself in some serious crap when she thinks she can move out and still continue living this way.


also, so what, because your sons disabled you shuld pay her hourly? i dont think so. Im one of seven, and have 7 neices. i look after them all, far more than i have time too sometimes, or the energy atm lol.. but i still do it, and i would never concider asking for anything in return! they are my family.. thats what you do!


your daughter needs a swift kick up the ass.. sorry but i think both her and her boyfriend are taking the piss.. you should tell her, he doesnt stay over anymore, and she decides whether shes going to continue living with you, because if she is then you expect somthing monthly.. remind her that your not doing this to be mean, your doing it because you simply cannot afford it financially anymore, and you have to put the entire family first, not just her anymore.



sorry, but thats what i think!

xxx

 

[Scarlet Daisy]

My son is 14 (almost 15) and for the last two years I have given him an allowance each week - to cover his bus fares to school and back, his lunch and any snacks, and a little pocket money. He isn't allowed to borrow money from me, or to ask for any - he has to budget for everything himself (and he does). I'm fairly generous with his allowance but at least he knows my purse isn't bottomless (he saves for games, Xbox membership, trips out with mates etc.). He has chores to do in here each week (washing up for 3 nights, putting the bins out and getting them in, and hoovering the stairs/landing every Wednesday). His room has to be kept tidy. He irons his cadet uniform and polishes his boots.

He moans a bit but mostly he likes being treated as an adult and a valuable member of the household. I wish I'd been like this with the older two... They were more like your girl. Just stand up to her if you can. It will be rough but in the end it will do her good. Explain that you love her but she isn't a baby now.

 

[Claireloulou]

She should definetley pay something. My aunty had a similar situation with my cousin, she told her she would need to start paying her way and she refused. So my aunty put a lock on her (my aunts) bedroom door, took everything she needed, toothpaste, toilet roll, wash powder, shower gel, light bulbs out of my cousins room, absolutely every tiny little thing she could need and locked it in there. Then when my cousin asked for it she charged a rental price for it, I remember toilet roll was 20p a sheet and toothpaste 50p a squirt. For a few days my cousin held out until she had no clean underwear or work uniforms because her mum hadn't washed any and was told that the wash powder was £2 a scoop and the washing machine was £5 a cycle.
It was a pain for my aunty to keep up but sure as heck worked a treat.

 

[The Punisher]

I'm in my late 20's and have been paying my parents rent since I started working full time after college. It started off at a small amount, about £25 a week and gradually increased as my wages increased, which I thinki is fair. I now pay £60 a week and sort out my own laundry etc... Dad cooks for all of us at the weekend, otherwise I do my own cooking. I admit that my mum gets the same response from me about the state of my room. She does occasionally lose the rag and tidy it-then hands me a bill!

As for the petrol issue, can you maybe ask to borrow it from her? Make it look like she's doing you the favour?

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Hahaahahaah

your aunty has got some patience!

 

[tinkerbellsmum]

hun its not fair u are skint and she has all these new things that she doesn't respect shes acting like a teenager not 20.
at 20 I had my own home and bills to pay and was preganant with my first child. I had the shock of my life with my first home because I had never paided rent (5 a week when I remebered) I had all my cooking and washing done and I never helped downstairs at home cause I knew I didn't have to. I'm 30 now and have 2 children and am only just starting to figure out my housework and keep on top of my bills because I was never taught to. so when I had to I had no idea what to do and yes I ended up in debt because I was used to spending all my wages.
stop doing her washing now, until she pays u rent she shouldn't be eating your food either. sit her down and say u r struggling and unfortunately u need to ask her for rent I suggest a 1/4 of what she earns so 50 a week if she gets 200.
as for looking after your son. hes her brother you should not be expected to pay her or let her off money. she should do it cause its the right thing to do.
when u tell her hun expect a temper trantrum but just remember if she fight back she will fight more. just calmly say I can see you are upset but it needs to be done if you can't say that with being mad say I sorry I will talk to u when you have calmed down and walk away. don't let her make you feel sorry for her. you are doing the right thing for her.
good luck hun. do it today don't put it off or you won't do it.
another way regarding rent maybe you could ask for rent and ask her how much she things she can afford then up her alittle to something you are happy with.
good luck hun

 

[mumtheshopper]

I had moved out by 20 years old. Couldn't wait to be independent. I had a mortgage by 21 years old. I have to say I was not a nice teenager, and I know, looking back, I was at times very disrespectful to my Mum and Dad. But the one thing I did know, was that I couldn't respect myself unless I was able to stand to my own two feet. And I couldn't treat my parents with the contempt they did not deserve one minute, and expect to be run around, waited on and treated like a princess the the next. I would have found my own way to the hospital, refused any offer of help, from parents or bf. Having said that both my parents were head teachers so I always knew I was on my own in the school term, they could not get time off. Unless it really was an emergency (life or death) That's probably not the way to go either, bt it sounds like she's gone from parnets that run their lives around her to a bf who is doing the same. She will be in for a shock one day. It's so hard. They are 9 and 7. My instinct is to jump, and ask them how high. I want their lives to be as happy and carefree as is humanely possible, with A Mum they love beyond anyhitng else. But even that young, I am starting to realise I am not doing them any favours by giving in all the time and running around after them! My 9 year old teenager is already showing signs of being spoilt and treating me with conempt, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. One thing I do know is that if she is 21 with a bf, it probably needs to be resolved before you become grandparents. Too many parent s seem to rely on grandparents for so many things, and genuinely feeling really hard done to if if grandparents aren't doing more than them.

Lynda

 

[cupotea]

I bet she doesn't think twice about borrowing money off you if she needs petrol? When I lived at home I contributed 1/4 of my wages to the household, I also did a lot of housework and would go and get shopping in.

Its unfortunate that you offered to take her then realised you needed petrol money but she's an adult and she needs to realise what it's like in the real world and not in a dream land where there's no rent or bills to pay.

 

[isobels]

I moved out of my lovely mums house and in with my oh at 20. She told me that I had to move out because I was pregnant. At the time I thought it was unfair, but she did it for me, so I could be responsible and set a good example to my son. She also had to do it because she didnt have the money to support us. It was hard at first and we do have some debts, but we are working hard to sort them. I think after five years of living with my OH we are finally on the right track and upto date with all of our outgoings and I feel proud of how far we have come together. I dont have to rely on anyone, I dont evan have my mum to help out with the children as she works full time. I feel better for it.
I just wonted to write this to let you know that even if your daughter is very angry with you, one day she will be adult enough to see why you had to x x

 

[abigail09]

im 21 and i work full time although i dont live at home. my boyfriend and i lived at my mams for about 4 months over winter and they never asked for any money as they knew it was short term although i did offer!! id hate to be living in my parents pockets and they did say if we were staying for the long haul they would expect a contribution although when we were licing there we did pick things up like milk, bread etc. and try to help out as much a possible esp with walking the dog and cooking. its unreasonable as a 21 year old woman to expect you to pay for everything, although i think if she is helping out with your son it should be taken into consideration.

my best friend used to pay £40 a week board when she was 17 and only earning £80 a week as a trainee dental nurse, i suppose there are a few extremes but there has to be balance

 

[SLACK ALICE]

Oh dear I must be some sort of mug !!
She foned me yesterday asking if i was going out and i said no , so she then told me that she was having a double bed delivered and did i have 40 quid ????? .....
guess what i paid for it !!!!
she is going to give it to me back

 

[1974rach]

Seriously!!!! You've got to stop this, she is taking advantage good and proper and it is not fair.

She knew you were having money issues and yet still asks you for £40.00...

sorry hun but she is taking the mickey and taking advantage.

xxx

 

[kissme]

No your not being mean! I'm 22 years old and when i got my first job I used to pay £75 per week and too right! i had the best of everything and i couldnt even rent a room for that price! My parents are well off but if i give money to the government in tax to pay for people on benefits why shouldnt i give some money to the people who have paid for everything for all my life! my parents deserved it!

I find the fact your daughter didnt even offer as a bit rude, i even offer my nan petrol money to take me to the loacal super market just over 2 miles away!

if she wants to behave like an adult then she needs to learn to pay her way. its a big scary world out there and if she cant cope with paying you a bit of keep or petrol money then how will she cope when every month she will spend her whole wages on just having food a roof heating lighting and some where to sleep!!

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh!

 

[Happy Holidays]

Yes you are being a mug. You tell your daughter you need petrol money as you are broke. Then she asks for £40 for her double bed & suddenly you are not broke anymore & hand over £40.

Two issues here, you are not being consistent with your daughter, she's not likely to believe you next time you say you have no money.

And if your daugher ordered the bed she should have made sure she had enough money left to pay for it. Personally I'd have told her to re-arrange delivery of the bed until she could afford the £40.

Why don't you re-read this thread as it was another person who started the thread & see what you think.

 

[strugglingwrighty]

Hi hun, just seen this thread, I personally agree with the others, i think its a cheek the way she seems to treat you and your hubby. Ive had my own house now for 3.5 years but before that i Lived with my parents (im 29) from the moment I started working full time (17 years old) I paid my way at home, each year if i got a pay rise i would pay more and so on, its only fair, but also in return it took the pressure off my parents, but also me paying my way they said to me they didnt mind the things like dropping me off here there and everywhere as i paid my way. I really do think you should sit down and talk to your daughter, when she gets paid discuss what she can afford and thats what she gives you, tell her to be honest with you as well. If she kicks off or gets the hump, stand your ground, she will come round eventually, plus whats her options renting out a flat for between 500 - 900 a month? (sorry i dont know your area so wouldnt know the prices) she will soon see where her breads buttered. Hope your ok xxx

 

[losc2522]

Hi, i dont think you are being unreasonable or mean at all. Aside from the money issue (which is clearly a big one), i dont think its very nice of her, to not even consider just how difficult you and her dad must have found it to ask for the petrol money. She should have offered in the first instance anyway. And if she only had £20.00, how is she going to pay you the £40 for the double bed ha ha! Her reaction was not a nice one, and i really feel that she needs to realise just how lucky she is. You clearly adore your daughter, and you must be finding this terribly difficult, i hope you sort it, but maybe you could try speaking to her about how much her behaviour has hurt you both, as this may sink in quicker than the financial issue. Hope you sort it hun xx

 

[Shirleen]

My daughter is 18 and started full time work this year, we told her she had to pay a third of her wages to us, save a tird and have a third to spend. She does this except the saving part lol!

She works on the other side of the city and works shifts so she pays me an EXTRA £80 for petrol!

Your daughter has it far too easy and is taking you for a ride!

Why not offer to drive her car to the appointment?