Am i just being stupid? Not diet related

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by JUSTKITTY, 24 June 2010 Social URL.

  1. JUSTKITTY

    JUSTKITTY Full Member

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    I am on a course this weekend and my husband has asked if he can go see his friend and help her with her CV this weekend.

    The problem is her. I've always felt really a bit awkward and threatened around her...maybe jealous and I have no idea why. They used to work together and since my hubby got another job, they kept in touch and meet up once every couple of months or so. So not a regular thing.

    I have no problem when he sees his other friends - male or female. its just her. And I really want to say NO becuase he knows I don't like her and it annoys me that even though I've told him how I feel, he still insists on meeting up with her. It makes me really upset. At the same time I trust my hubby and can see maybe its irrational to not 'let him' go and help her. thing is i've seen him flirt with her and it annoys me when he talks about her. I don't care that she ahd an exam, I don't care she is going on holiday, i don't care. you worked with her a nubmer of eyars ago. why are you bothered?

    The jealousy in me says 'just email your cv to her' she must be capable of writing her own. The other part of me sees he is being kind and helpful.

    Arghhhh I don't like it. I don't like her.

    The only other time I've been funny with him over another girl was a woman he met online before we started seeing each other, then he kept in touch with her for over 5 years. then 2 months before we got married he wanted to meet up with her (they'd not met before). Why? Why? Why? Why meet her now after all these years? especially as he'd met her online on a dating thing. As it happens I caught him chatting to her online and he was asking her what she was wearing to bed. Naturally I blew my top. No way was he meeting her. He says it was innocent and they were talking about pyjamas but he looked so guilty and promised to never mention meeting her again.

    I dunno. Maybe its the green eyed monster. He never has done anything to make me doubt him and I've always been a little jealous. Should I say its OK to go help her?

    Sorry people - i am not a jealous maniac - its just her. it gets me annoyed and I should just let him go see his friend.
     
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  3. furrysmudge

    furrysmudge Gold Member

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    Personally hun I think you know the answer. I wouldn't let my other half.......all seems a tad strange to me.....at least tho he mentioned it to you instead of just going while you were away and not saying anything. If you told him you'd rather he didn't would he go anyways?

    as for the other time....omigod! Asking her what she's wearing in bed?? and meeting her on a dating website and then wanting to meet up even though you were about to get married? Hmmmmmmm......hope you can work this one out chick x
     
  4. JUSTKITTY

    JUSTKITTY Full Member

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    We sorted out the pyjama thing and I think he just generaly doesn't think sometimes rather than being up to no good.

    The last few times I have said I'm uncomfortable he still goes. its not always just the two of them otherwise I might get more miffed. It bothers me a little becuase additionally if i suggest going out for dinner or doing anything that involves spending money (not that I can on this diet) like going to the pub, he always says no becuase we are trying to save or he doesn't like eating out etc. But everytime he has seen her recently, they've gone out for cocktails, had a meal, gone to the pub and it winds me up.

    I've told him he knows it makes me uncomfortable but the decision is his. If he goes - if he tells me they went out for lunch or something, I will be really hurt. Becuase he says no to me and I explained to him before it makes me wonder why he is prepared to spend money with her but not take me out.

    I know they are just friends and with his other female friends I am happy for him to go see them. its just her. She always used to go on about how grateful she was when he helped her when they worked together and how great he is and what a great teacher he is and now here he is again off to write her CV for her. Grrrr.

    Reading this I sound so irrational. Definately jealous.
     
  5. furrysmudge

    furrysmudge Gold Member

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    nah love not irrational.....completely understandable methinks x
     
  6. JUSTKITTY

    JUSTKITTY Full Member

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    the problem is now its making me so annoyed thinking about it and a tad emotional I really want to eat! I know this is silly.
     
  7. AmyE

    AmyE Full Member

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    You don't sound irrational, I wouldn't be happy with that either. She's a grown woman and can write her own CD then email it to him for him to check, why does she need him there to write it with her?

    I'm sure you can trust your hubby though, she just seems a bit odd lol I think if she can't write a CV to apply for a job, maybe she shouldn't be applying for it lol
     
  8. BeckyN

    BeckyN Full Member

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    would you be as bothered if you weren't away?

    dea hard situation hun, sorry can't offer anything except do what your instinct tells you

    x
     
  9. X_Tasha_X

    X_Tasha_X Silver Member

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    Humm i wouldnt be happy with it one little bit eeek! I would be telling him if she cant write a CV on her own shed better go find a man of her own to help her out not yours... i wouldnt care how much he helped her in the past!! Ok they are just friends but if your hubby knows how you feel about the whole situation then he should tell her he cant help, after all you are his wife and i am sure he is more concerned about your feelings than hers. As for taking her out and not you... maybe you need to have another little chat with him and tell him how you feel again. Tell him how much it upsets you and that you would like a little more together time going out to do things together as a couple.

    Big hugs coming your way hun <3<3<3
     
  10. beinggood

    beinggood Full Member

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    This is a tough one. One hand your instinct is trying to say some things to you then on the other hand the sensible side of you is saying that he is just being helpful. I have to admit I felt like that when DH still saw one of his female friends ...and one day she was real upset over something she cried on his shoulder ... I was raging. She is married now (thank goodness!) but I still felt it.

    My advice ... erm I dont know ... maybe you suggest you go too saying you would love to meet her and get to know her and even help with the CV ...theres a saying 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'
     
  11. kyliet

    kyliet Full Member

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    Hi hun, just read your post and my first reaction was no way would i let my hubby go! But then when I thought about it he has been honest! If your away on a course then you never would have known! Go with your gut xxx
     
  12. JUSTKITTY

    JUSTKITTY Full Member

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    So this evening we had a chat about it and I told him how I felt.'hemsaid it was irrational and he didn't understand.'i said it doesn't matter that he doesn't understand but he should just appreciate how I feel but its his decision. Then he told me I'm acting crazy so I stormed off.

    He has apologised now and said he won't see her. It's made worse becuase it was him who contacted her to meet up. I know i am being silly but I can't help it.

    Now I feel a bit guilty but something tells me not to trust her.
     
  13. X_Tasha_X

    X_Tasha_X Silver Member

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    I think you did the right thing hun. If he had of gone you would never have stopped thinking about it. xxxx
     
  14. Angela83

    Angela83 Silver Member

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    You totally did the right thing and remember- he has shown respect for your feelings by saying he wont meet up with her.

    I have recently gone through a very similar situation but my hubby chose to meet up with her anyway, he eventually and reluctantly stopped contact with her but situation still unresolved.

    aaaaah....... men!
     
  15. cornishkez

    cornishkez Gold Member

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    I think you have done the right thing and you are being completely rational! I would have been fuming, no way would Scott have been going to meet up with someone.

    At the end of the day, woman are sneaky and *****y and play devious games to get their own way. Men tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves and maybe he genuinally doesn't see she is playing a game. Men tend to be nieve and not realises women are controlling them. I expect he feel guilty about letting her down, as I expect she is making him feel guilty. But on the other hand, he knows deep down that you don't like the situation, thats why he checked for your approval.

    My thinking is that the fact he told you about it, means he felt guilty as he knows you don't approve and by going on the sly he would have been cheating on you, in a hypothetical term.

    I know the whole situation hurts, but be proud that he did tell you and isn't sneaky around behind your back. And if I were in your shoes I would categorically be telling him that I do not want him to have contact with her anymore, not on a 1 to 1 basis. At the end of the day, you are his wife, you have a say in his life. Exactly the same way as if he told you he was uncomfortable about a male friend of yours. Marriage is about give and take and he should be considernig your feelings more than he is.

    Sorry, this has ended up being a long post! hugs xx
     
  16. Chris1980

    Chris1980 Member

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    I think he likes getting his ego massaged by being friends with all these women, and he is being disrespectful to you especially if he is taking them out for meals etc when he doesn't do the same for you. Call me suspicious but that business with the dating site girl sounds very dodgy. I think in light of the fact he has form for getting very close to crossing the line, you did the right thing.
     
  17. BeckyN

    BeckyN Full Member

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    I think you did the right thing, and although it caused a bit of a tiff it worked out well because he respected your opinion about what you felt about this lady.

    x
     
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  19. JUSTKITTY

    JUSTKITTY Full Member

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    I decided to try and be a little bit reasonable after thinking about it overnight and I have suggested that perhaps he could invite her over to our house one evening to help her and I can get to know her a bit better. I figured it might help me suss her out.

    he has been so respectful but I did get a guilt trip last nigth about how now he'll have no plans for saturday. Oh well!
     
  20. SacredSilence

    SacredSilence I

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    I think that`s a great idea ;) x
     
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