An end has a start

Oh my god I am exhausted after running around after my boy today! Not sure how I'm going to manage another three days of this on my own! I don't think it helped I've had more carbs today - had alpen porridge syned for brekkie and used by heb's on sandwiches for lunch. I think my body runs better when I don't have a lot of sugary things or carbs.
 
Oh my god I am exhausted after running around after my boy today! Not sure how I'm going to manage another three days of this on my own! I don't think it helped I've had more carbs today - had alpen porridge syned for brekkie and used by heb's on sandwiches for lunch. I think my body runs better when I don't have a lot of sugary things or carbs.
i've cut out bread on week days as I was feeling bloated from it and cut out all but one coffee and feel so much better for it, I've also cut out any sugary food (choc/sweets/biscuits etc) for at least a month on day 18 today. feel like the muffin top is smaller lol:)
 
i've cut out bread on week days as I was feeling bloated from it and cut out all but one coffee and feel so much better for it, I've also cut out any sugary food (choc/sweets/biscuits etc) for at least a month on day 18 today. feel like the muffin top is smaller lol:)

It's interesting you've said about coffee Denise cos I've often thought about cutting down on caffine. I drink loads of tea and diet coke. I'm sure it's not doing me much good, but I also don't know how I would function without it looking after the LO and working shifts!!!
 
I've just been thinking about goals. It's five weeks until my OH's birthday, so realistically I can lose up to 10lbs by then. We're having a little holiday at the begining of August which is 10 weeks away, so between 15 and 20lbs off is realistic by then. Our wedding anniversary is 13 weeks away, so my target is to have lost is 20-26lbs. Then realistically I can shift the last bit by christmas.

I'm not sure how I feel about my target yet. I've never really been less than 9.5 st but even then at that weight I felt fat. I'm so short that any extra weight shows. Plus I still had big thighs and a bum at that weight. Although I reckon that will be the case no matter what size I am! I'm scared of being any less than 10st cos I've never been able to maintain the loss. But then I'm scared of still feeling fat at that size and wanting to lose more. Part of me feels like I'm in my 30's now, I've had a baby, I don't need to be super skinny and wear super fashionable clothes. While the other part of me thinks I might as well aim high!! Or low even!!

Oh who knows it's a long way off! I'm feeling so positive today. In spite of a hard day with the wee man today I didn't falter and didn't even consider going off plan. Not that I had much choice, LO was having one of those days where the second he saw me with anything he wanted it, so I wouldn't have had two minutes peace for a choccie bar anyway!

Hope everyone is doing well!
 
Its very good to hear you sounding so positive. Ah, little ones, no way would I want to go through that again. Funnily enough, once they get a teeny bit bigger it can be easier to have a little visitor as well, then they can play together. But I don't think your little boy is quite old enough for that yet is he?
 
Its very good to hear you sounding so positive. Ah, little ones, no way would I want to go through that again. Funnily enough, once they get a teeny bit bigger it can be easier to have a little visitor as well, then they can play together. But I don't think your little boy is quite old enough for that yet is he?

He's 14 months so just a bit too young for play dates. He's used to other kids though, he's usually at the childminders with older kids and likes seeing his older cousins too. I just worry he's used to more amusement than I can give him on my own. I never thought I'd say this but I miss the days when he was happy to just lie there having cuddles with me on the sofa!!
 
You sound so positive and upbeat about sw mrs cc. At least you're being kept busy in the first few days so you can't even think about naughty food xx
 
You sound so positive and upbeat about sw mrs cc. At least you're being kept busy in the first few days so you can't even think about naughty food xx

Thanks Rae Rae. I feel like I have to talk myself up and keep being positive to keep myself motivated. Setting the goals helps me cos I feel so crappy about how I look right now! Nothing fits! Where as I can say to myself if I keep going I can wear my nice clothes for our holiday and my anniversary.

I'm absolutely exhausted after being up with LO in the night. He's teething, got a bit of a cold and generally just being a nightmare! I love being a mum but god it's hard work right now! He's napping right now so I'm having a well deserved cuppa. No idea what we will do this afternoon. I want to keep him busy in the hope he sleeps better tonight but its lashing down here so that rules out the park. I might have to fork out for soft play!
 
I feel like today has been challenging. I feel like I've been eating and picking all day. It's all been free food or within my syns but I still feel guilty. Old habits die hard I guess. I'm doing extra easy tomorrow and I'm nervous about it! Every time in the past I've done EE I've not seen the losses I wanted. I know why - I didn't do the whole 1/3 superfree thing and if I'm honest I was eating for the sake of it sometimes rather than for hunger. This time around I am a lot more focused about doing it properly but I'm still nervous!
 
I've got a chicken curry in the slow cooker today and it smells sooo good! It's making me sooooo hungry! I'm taking LO out this afternoon thank god! Cannot sit in all day feeling like this!!!!
 
Hey Mrs CC, just checking in to say hi. I've read through your diary and I really feel for you. I have had issues with my weight since I was a child and a really warped relationship with food and view of myself to go along with it. I have often "reasoned" my way out of things thinking that my weight was stopping me from socialising or being happy altogether. But I realised a long time ago that I was blaming my weight for something I had to do and sort out myself. And I'm not talking about weight loss. I am talking of taking charge of things and enjoying your life in spite of your weight.
Of course we are all here because we want to lose and I have a lot (A LOT) to lose and yes, it does get me down at times and do I wish I was thinner? Erm YEAH. But there are countless people out there who are unhappy with their appearance although they are a normal weight. Perception is the key really and you can change that view of yourself no matter what your weight is.

In fact, I would even go as far as to say, you need to learn now to become the person you want to be post weight loss. Because the person I am now has led me to the weight I am. So how am I ever going to change this for the better and permanently so if I don't make conscious adjustments to myself. Does this sound harsh? I hope not, if it does, I'm sorry. I have had therapy for many years and read a lot of books on psychology and habit and patterns etc and there are so many hidden depths in people.

My therapist was often quite confrontational with me and I realised in hindsight that it was good. I often used my weight as an excuse almost to beat myself up, to be offended at things that people said (not about my weight, but I would always think it was the underlying reason for their critique/queries etc). Or I would be invited to things and automatically think why would they want me there, I'm so fat and ugly. Not only was I insulting myself, reducing myself to those two rather offensive terms, but also insulting my friends, insinuating that they didn't really like me for who I was.

And although the path is steep and rocky, I am now on the road of realisation that I need to like myself before I can expect others to like me. And that's not a self-indulgent view of yourself but a realistic one. The same way that I love my friends and family despite their flaws. I would never dream of rejecting a person for their appearance and I have friends of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds and love them all dearly. And yet I struggle to accept myself. How bizarre is that!

So if you think of the people you love most in your life and picture them standing together as a group, make sure you add yourself to that picture too. Because you belong there with them.
 
Thanks for popping in BeeBeeSee, you are right! It's about being happy now as I am, and I am making in roads with that too, making more time for myself etc.

I'm glad you posted this today. I've been feeling a bit 'meh'. I'm annoyed with myself for letting myself get this weight again and I'm cross about how long it will take me to lose it all again. I keep telling myself what does it matter how long it takes?! What happens once it's gone? Does life magically start back up again?! No! I'll still be eating like this and living like this to maintain it!

I am proud of myself today though, I took the little fella out to soft play and it was soooooo busy. Usually I hate being busy places and I thought about just heading home. But I had promised LO we would go (I know he wouldn't know either way really but a promise to my son is still a promise!) so we waited and went in. He had great fun and was climbing into everything! He's just started climbing recently!! It really brought it home to me how much my low confidence risk rubbing off onto my son and I don't want that to happen!
 
So full after my slow cooked chicken curry, rice and veggies! Was gutted with the curry though, smelt delicious just tasted a bit flat. I think to be honest it needed something fatty to cut through the flavour, like oil or coconut milk, but that's not really SW friendly is it?! I've got left overs for tomorrow so am hoping a coconut muller light can make some improvement to it!!
 
Maybe use a HEXA coconut milk A? It might give it the boost it needs. You could also try a squirt or two of frylight on top of your portion when it is served up. Well done you, you do really sound as though you are making headway with this plan.
 
This is from my horoscope today and eerily describes how I feel! I feel like I'm making massive improvements with a healthier lifestyle yet when I look in the mirror I see nothing for it! Keep going is the message!!

There is a change you have been longing for. In your mind, Taurus, it has already happened. But when you snap back to reality, you realize that it has not happened, despite your hopes and your efforts, and you begin to fear that it never will happen. And maybe it won't happen in the timeframe you prefer. Maybe it won't unfold precisely as you have envisioned. But that doesn't mean you should lose hope. That doesn't mean you should feel like you will eventually get less than you are hoping for. When this change manifests, it will be everything you hope for and then some.
 
I feel like I've well and truely clicked with sw. I always worry I'm eating too much so today I tried a sucess express day. I've not eaten nearly enough super free for a SE day but all my meals have been about half super free. I've not been hungry and generally am feeling positive!

I dunno how wi will go on monday but regardless I feel positive for the next one!!
 
I feel like I've well and truely clicked with sw. I always worry I'm eating too much so today I tried a sucess express day. I've not eaten nearly enough super free for a SE day but all my meals have been about half super free. I've not been hungry and generally am feeling positive!

I dunno how wi will go on monday but regardless I feel positive for the next one!!

Thats fab, you sound so positive which is great :) bet you'll have a great wi result xx
 
Thats fab, you sound so positive which is great :) bet you'll have a great wi result xx

Thanks! Don't feel too positive today.

Had a rubbish night last night, blazing row with the OH mainly cos we were both so tired! It carried on this morning with a screaming match. We've made things up now but I still just feel a bit 'meh' about everything.
 
Ooohhh feeling nervous about weigh in now! Not sure how to judge how it's going to be. But regardless of what the scales say tomorrow I am sticking with this for the long run!!
 
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