Step 1 Sole Source And so it starts here....

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by andsoitis, 24 March 2014 Social URL.

  1. andsoitis

    andsoitis New Member

    I've spent so many years starting a diet.... That first morning, my head full of I'm going to be skinny quests, trawling the internet for clothes I'm going to wear when I can fit my flab in to skinny size 10 jeans, by the end if day 1, or week one my head turns to thoughts of 'one more day won't hurt, I'll start again tomorrow' Trying to convince myself that it's okay to have that burger because tomorrow is another day. Well tomorrow is still tomorrow 5 years on and I'm still sitting in my room feeling sad, depressed, too ashamed to go out with friends, making excuses not to. Making excuses and eating more junk to try and make my sorry ass feel that bit better. Does it work? No! I chow down on all the junk, chocolate, two sandwiches, and lots lots more. Very quickly! While I'm eating, my mind isn't there, I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad. But when I've finished? I feel rotten! Pushing away the laptop with those lovely looking clothes still open in the internet and and crawling under my duvet, where my thoughts turn back to those I had the night before. Wondering why the hell I waste my life. This life is never guaranteed! I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and what would I achieved!? Nothing! Because for the last five years I have pretty much done nothing! I haven't been on a date, I haven't been out on a girls night with my friends, I haven't gone for those job interviews with good pay that I have found. Why!? Because of my weight!!!!! At just under 15 stone and approaching 30 I've done nothing but sit at home and eat to pass the time. Some people reading this will wonder how I can let myself do this, wonder how I can live a life so unfulfilled and how in the last five years when I should have been out with my friends, building relationships and carving a career I can just let life pass me by? The answer.... I don't know! All I know is that I haven't done these things because I am too ashamed of my weight. Okay, at 15 stone and a size 18 I may not be the biggest person in the world, but to me I am! I look back to five years ago when I was in those size ten clothes and happy.... Does being skinny make you happy? Not completely! But being confident in yourself does.... And I was confident when I was skinny, so for me it kind of does! I'm approaching 30 and I live back at home with my parents! While most of my fitness have settled down, got good jobs and parenting their children.... I'm the same age, living at home, no partner and no children.... It's a depressing life to live and a very vicious cycle. I have embarked on Cambridge many times and never made it past day 14.... This diet works. It really does.... But if you stick to it! I dread to think of the amount of money I have wasted on starting and restarting, going to different consultants, but I have to lose this weight! And 2lb a week on weight watchers doesn't work for me. I'm all or nothing! So once again I'm resulting to nothing and starting the plan once more..... Why is this time different? I don't know if it will be! I just hope it is. I want to feel like me again, go out and get that good job. Meet that special guy. Have children. I don't want the fairytale, I just want an ordinary life.... A slim life! I want to feel good about myself. I've never blogged or anything before, so I'm hoping this helps.... I don't know anyone and they don't know me in the real world! So this will be my diary.... Hopefully a successful blog of my journey to lose the 4stone and my journey to self happiness My first day of sole source has started.... Best go drink that water! xoxo
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  3. iwannabeslim1

    iwannabeslim1 Full Member

    hey, welcome and good luck! I can relate to so much that you have stated, such as starting again, wasting money, binging, feeling crap about yourself. I also understand how easy it is to become stuck in a rut and to just eat and eat and not really care or think about the outside world, and I have to say that getting started is by far the hardest thing you will have to do.
    I would suggest trying to get out everyday just for a short walk, I think this will make a huge difference, so youre focusing on the diet and the exercise part also, and I find even just a small amount of exercise makes me feel so much happier, and its known to be a natural antidepressant (not that Im saying youre depressed) but I think it will help you to feel motivated? - I really dont mean to sound patronising at all, Im just thinking of the things that help me.
    Are you doing SS? or SS+?
    Thinking of you on your first day! :) x
  4. Kiwichan

    Kiwichan Silver Member

    Welcome and best of luck - seriously you can do it. Have a hot mint choc shake every evening around the time you would normally hit the binge cycle. It will take the edge off. Also please seriously consider starting at SS+ and having the protein. It will give you the energy for a daily walk and that will have an impact both mentally and physically. Put a note somewhere that you will see it first thing when you wake up every day that reminds you that you are going to stick to your plan today because nothing tastes as good as the feeling of a great result on weigh in day. Also I'd recommend at least 3 litres of water a day rather than two as it helps with the feeling of fullness.
  5. poko

    poko Full Member

    Hi! I also can relate a lot to your situation. I swear I woke up and had put on 3.5 stone.But like you I've locked myself away and ate. But we've both made the decision to change. To feel happy, confident and sexy (and all the health benefits too) and I'm confident if you want something enough, it will happen.

    I believe in us!
  6. andsoitis

    andsoitis New Member

    Thanks you guys!
    Such nice messages :)

    So today I've stopped feeling sick, which is great! I have been for a half hour walk yesterday and this morning.... It wasn't so much a power walk. More a casual walk at slightly faster speed! Lol
    I am doing sole source.... Purely because it's all or nothing for me! I know I will have to eat again eventually as I work up the steps, but I need to get my head in the game first before I feel okay to eat the small amounts of food on sole source and upwards without it triggering a dash to the fridge to empty all contents! I'm sure, as you have said that ideally sole source plus would be a better for on paper, I agree with you.... Just not for a couple of weeks.... I think that once I start seeing the weight come off then I'll be happier and able to step up a step, I do plan to so that I can exercise a little bit!

    It's strange isn't it, how every persons reason for dieting is different (apart from the obvious) but somehow they all tie back to being the same! I'm feeling positive.... But I have noticed that my mind is constantly thinking of things I'm going to do/things I'm going to wear and all though the focus is good.... It really is a lot of pressure and I don't want to cave under it! I know there is a long way to go. In one thought it's only a few months out of my life... In another it's a few months out of my life that are going to be hard, and pressurising that myself will make it harder!
    I'm thinking that the mental torture is actually harder than not eating! Lol!

    But i have to succeed this time.... Life is short and life is uncertain, I can't be a recluse at my age all because I decided to put junk in my mouth and get fat!

    How's everyone doing here? The weight loss's are amazing on here, it's so great!

    I'm drinking six pints of water a day, with a straw! Lol! So that's close to 3ltr I think.... I always thought that a pint glass was 500ml but apparently it isn't! Dammit!

    Onwards and upwards guys..... Hope you are all having a good day so far! Xx
  7. iwannabeslim1

    iwannabeslim1 Full Member

    Hope its still going well still!!?

    Im glad youre not longer feeling sick and going for a walk will do you so much good, mentally as well as physically.
    Life is definitely too short, I agree with you there, and "you only get one life so dont waste it" - thats my moto, I use it all the time to keep me focused and positive.

    Good luck and stay strong :) x
  8. poko

    poko Full Member

    You're right, the weight losses on here are amazing. It really keeps me going, "if they can do it, so can I!"

    I'm getting into a routine with the products. I only find it hard when my flatmate is home and makes amazingly delicious meals with some always left over to tempt me. But I always feel very proud when I have a shake instead!

    I do need a kick up the backside though in regards to exercise. I think I have it in my mind "I'm not eating so I don't need to move" and I do! So that's this week's focus.

    I hope you're still feeling positive and doing great!
  9. Cambridgefan

    Cambridgefan Full Member

    Way to go...remember those first few days are so so tough but getting over that initial hump will spur you on to finish the week...just take it day by day and think about how amazing you'll feel 5lb down...then 10lb down...before you know it you'll be well on your way to goal! You can do it x keep coming back to talk to us as it'll keep you on the straight and narrow!

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