I was sat on the toilet, as you do, having a think about how my attitude has changed lately.
Since I put on weight I think I've been quite an angry person. Always quick to fly off the handle and had a bit of a temper. Since I've lost a bit of weight I've been feeling much calmer.
It's made me think that I wasn't actually angry at anyone or anything, but I was angry at myself and disliked myself.
I've felt like this for such a long time that it was a bit of a moment earlier when I realised that I actually quite like myself all of a sudden.
Has anyone else felt that they've had anger issues in the past and that it might have been related to how they feel about themselves.
Hope this isn't too deep!
Omg this is EXACTLY how I've been! Especially with my boyfriend, I've been really snappy and really quick tempered. I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I've realised why.
I think it's for a variety of reasons, firstly because for the simple reason I was unhappy. And when I was unhappy, I just wanted to be left alone, whilst my boyfriend (correctly) wanted to talk about things. So I'd snap at him.
Secondly because I was angry with myself for letting this happen, I was angry that it HAD happened and angry because I felt like I could never get back to how I was before. It's like if my boyfriend and I ever had an argument, I would take it to a level it never needed to go to because I had all this pent up emotion and anger, and I didn't want to stop arguing because I just needed to get it all out, so I made things worse.
Thirdly, because of jealousy and resentment. The jealousy thing was mad because I'm so not like that. I actually went through a stage of being convinced he fancied my older sister because she came back from uni and had lost some weight. Any girl on TV as well, if she was thin, it would stir something up in me. And it annoyed me even more because it was MY fault he ''fancied them''. It's odd cos looking back it wasn't even about him and I don't think I really believed deep down he fancied any of them, it was just about me wanting to be slim again. And as for resentment, I resented my sister for losing weight whilst I had put it on, I used to resent pretty much everyone who was slim.
It's so unhealthy to think like that, and it's a little crazy, but I can see now that because all this was going on in my head, and plus I knew it was my fault for putting on the weight, I had all these insecurities that had built up and no-one to talk to about it because I was in total denial about my weight gain. It was just everything was bottled up, and so arguing with people and just letting go of loads of emotion just made me feel better, I didn't even feel bad for snapping at people really because it just made ME feel better.
Since losing weight, I've felt lighter. Not just physically, but mentally. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I'm getting back to how I was before, not being all horrible and snappy but just being ME again. I don't feel like I need to argue with people anymore because I know I'm doing something about it and I know it's coming off. I'm going to really work hard to make it up to everyone around me who I've been a total cow to for the past few years because I don't know how they put up with it! I wasn't like it all the time, but it's so different to what I'm usually like... I'm so pleased I did CD and can get back to how I was before.
Sorry that was far too long lol xxx