Another newbie, needing to talk.

[miggyhands]

Hello everyone, my name is Kerry, I'm 21, and in the last 3 years I have gained roughly 6 stone, and I now weigh in at exactly 17st. (Quite a feat, eh?)

I Have always had some weight troubles, but always been less than a stone overweight, but never let it get me down. When I was 18 i just started a relationship with my boyfriend Andy (who I am still with, 4 years in july), and was very happy with my weight. In 2007 I started university and that's where it all went downhill. I have not had that amazing university experience that everyone seems to talk about, and that everyone around me seems to have had. I was put with people who I had nothing in common with, I chose the wrong course, and by the time I changed course it was too late. I can trace my weight problems to my very first day at university, my new flatmates and I went to the freshers welcome party, and it was horrible, and I ended up going back to the flat, and stopping off at McDonalds on the way back.

I had alot of problems in the first year, I was missing my boyfriend and family terribly, I didn't fit in with any of the people I met, and a very close friend at home died suddenly in October 2007. When my housemates went on nights out (3/4 times a week), I stayed in and ate. And ate. And ate. When my boyfriend would come and spend the weekend we'd go to morrisons and buy all sorts of rubbish we didn't need, popcorn, doritos etc and munch away. It has carried on like this for almost 3 years now and I've had enough. I want to enjoy my life again. I'm returning to my hometown at the end of july and don't want to go back a blimp. Also one of my best friends is getting married on the 23rd August, and I don't want to be the fat bridesmaid. I want to make my boyfriend happy. I want to feel comfortable being photographed. Everything that I'm sure every other member of this forum wants and understands

I think I will be doing CD, the only problem is the money at the moment, but I'm also quitting smoking so theat will free up a fair amount of cash. I'm sorry if this has just been a big rant that no one is interested in responding too, but I really needed to just, let it out. I have never talked to anyone about what had caused my depression and weightgain, and you know they say it's easier to talk to strangers. I hope you won't all remain strangers though, I hope some will become firm friends thoughout our journeys.

I will probably be starting CD on SS in the next week or two, hoping to lose 6 stone (although I'm not that bothered about the numbers, more what I look like). I need my confidance back, not just in my appearance but in myself. I have alot of very important decisions to make in the very near future (which I will explain another time if anyone is interested in hearing about it!) that I can't make until I am happy and know myself again.

Well anyway, thank you for reading this, I hope at least someone replies with their own story!

Kerry xx

 

[jabbathehut]

Hey Kerry, bless you for being so open! I think a fair few of us on here can identify with a lot of things you have said.
My story? Well, I was always thin - skinny even - until I hit puberty. Then my body just expanded every way possible. I developed a passion for chips and would eat them every day. Fortunately, nobody ever made an issue of my weight during my teens, I was always accepted (well to my knowledge) and had plenty of friends. Boys weren't interested tho. I went off to College after school and used to go into town every day with my friends and have a Mcdonalds or similar for lunch. And eat crap at breaks. No exercise etc etc - I never did weigh myself at my biggest back then, but like you, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend so at the age of 19 I dieted for the first time ever. No specific diet, just cut out all snacks and ate 3 healthy meals per day. Also upped exercise. Within 5 months I must have lost about 4 stone or thereabouts - able to buy 'trendy' clothes for the first time in my teen years and my bridesmaids dress was constantly being taken in!
Managed to sustain my weight loss for a couple of years, had a couple of relationships in the first year but was a bit trampled on cos my self worth wasn't great - I still felt like I was 'lucky' that a member of the opposite sex showed any interest! Then I met my hubby. I was a size 14/16 but carried it well. 2 years later we married, still a size 14/16. Then slowly but surely the weight crept back up. I fell pregnant and the day before my son was born I weighed in at 17 stone. Dieted down to 14.5/size 18 after he was born, then moved to Germany. Became very depressed, ate myself silly. Within 11 months I was a size 22. Moved again, lost weight cos I was happier. Got to an 18 again. Then, once more, it slowly crept on. I spent a whole weekend in 2008 in tears leading up to my 30th birthday - hubby was in Iraq, I was lonely, fed up, and very fat. Plucked up the courage to call CDC and went along. Start weight was 17.3. I was utterly disgusted, I weighed LESS than that when I was 9 months pregnant! Did the CD for 3 months and lost 3 stone, but then stopped suddenly as I experienced quite bad hair loss. CDC at the time was not much help so I didn't go up the plans or anything, just stopped.
I fully intended to eat sensibly and make right choices, and to a certain extent I did - until we flew to Florida for 3 weeks! Didn't weigh myself but came back a size 20, having gone out an 18! And then it began again. tedious really isn't it! Weight went back on, depression slunk in....and yes, we moved again! Had promised not to put my body (or mind or family!) through the CD again but this time round, I know so much more than I did then. I have a great CDC. I was prepared for the possible toilet problems so made provisions for that (too much info!), and I have vowed that this WILL be the last time I do something so drastic.
I am sick and tired of my weight being the bane of my life, and for making pathetic excuses (asked docs to check thyroid etc) when the stark truth is simple: I AM GREEDY! I want to grab life with both hands and live for every moment, not hide away and feel embarassed by myself. I want my hubby and son to be proud of me, I want to stand out in a crowd, not fade into the background. I find it difficult accepting that as someone so big (restarted at 17.3 again - ironic - and a size 22) can be invisible so often!

So, I wish you every ounce of luck on the Cambridge Plan. I wont lie and say it's easy because we all have our down days, however, it gives fantastic weight and inch loss results, and I find that taking food completely out of my life is helping me to deal with my food issues. Proving to myself that I CAN be in the same room as food and not eat it gives me such a powerful buzz. I will never let myself down again, this time it's forever, and I have every confidence that you can achieve what you want if you try hard enough

 

[minirog]

Hi Kerry and welcome.

Brilliant job on sharing your story and analysing where you might have developed your eating habits and weight issues - I really think that's more than half the battle.

I relate to some of the things you are talking about. I WILL NOT have my photo taken. I just find it mortifying and I my self esteem is just at rock bottom. I gained 5 stone in 18 months after my wedding (I have been suffering from severe depression and just ate my way through it!) and I was already 4 stone overweight so I am facing a huge battle!

Just a couple of things sprang to mind when reading your post - firstly, do this for you! Your boyfriend loves you and will be happy with you as a person and not the way you look. I'm slowly starting to get this! My hubby tells me that whatever weight I am he loves me (although he is very proud of me for my determination and willpower in sticking to this diet, which I'm sure your boyfriend will be too.) Secondly, doing CD SS AND giving up smoking is a tough call. I think it's a brilliant thing to do and I really admire you for attempting it. However, if one of these things gives and you end up doing them one at a time, please don't beat yourself up!

I hope that makes sense. This forum is a great place to hang out and very supportive, but I sometimes find it hard to articulate what I mean!

Take care x

 

[miggyhands]

Thank you so much for a lovely reply!

I know exactly what you mean, being invisible, although I do that on purpose. Me and the OH went on our first ever holiday last september, and there isn't a single photograph of us! And tomorrow we're going for a "random day of fun" to Skegness (his idea, always trying to cheer me up! My grandad has just been put in a nursing home because of his Alzheimers, and it was the first time I'd seen him in almost a year, it was such a shock) and he wants to go on a rollercoaster, you know the kind that takes your picture as you go round? Well I'm refusing, and I just want to be more than happy to get a stupid picture like that of us, and also not worry that a rickety old seaside rollercoaster will buckle under my weight, or that they won't let me on!

I also desperately want kids (not yet, but in the near-ish future) but some problems seem to have arisen and there's a possibility that I might have cystic ovaries or endometriosis, both of which can be seriously hindered by being overweight, and I can't bear the thought that I might not be able to have kids in the future because of something I have done to myself!

 

[miggyhands]

Minirog, thanks for your reply!

I know giving up smoking and doing SS at the same time will be rotten, but it is the only way I can afford CD at the minute, but I'm determined that if one of the two will slip, it will be the smoking. Also I'm not doing it on my own or cold turkey, I will be using the NHS smoke free service, so weekly sessions with other people trying to quit, which I hope will help me immensly! x

 

[determinator]

I wish you all teh luck ,a dn if you are determined .. you can loose that 6 stone in no time Knowing when and why your weight problems started is a great help in trying to address them when you finish the diet .
I agree witht he other poster though and suggest you dont give up smoking at the same time !!! I think it would be too much for your body to give up food and nicotine all at once and you are much more likely to fail I gave up smoking a few years ago and put about 4 stone on which is one of the reasons I have been on this journey although I have been overweight since the age of 8 so its strange now weighing less that I have since I was about 13 !!!

If you keep the determination, drink loads of water and prepare yourself for the first week which is tough .. it gets easier and the weight will drop off before you realise whats happening

GOOD LUCK